Changing visitation because of school, feeling guilty

I am not single, however this felt like the appropriate section to post as this is a custody visitation related question. As usual, there is a very long drawn out story behind this, but I will give the basic facts and questions, feel free to ask about background info if needed.

My ex and I share 50/50 physical and legal custody of our daughter who is now 5. The visitation started when she was 1.

He resides with his parents, and due to my husband getting laid off a while back, we also live my dh's parents.

We have grown and come a long way since this started, and have a decent relationship, enough to be able to communicate and discuss things without animosity, etc

We both realize and agree that as she is starting school this upcoming school year, she needs stability and therefore a primary household, which our current visitation schedule does not and cannot provide as it is 50/50.

After discussing and comparing schools within our respective districts, I feel she will get a better education by residing with him, as well as be happier and well rounded there vs with me. He lives in an upper class district, with more distinguished schools, and she has her own room at her dads. As I mentioned we live with my in laws, and will be here for a while longer, and she does not have her own room here. She has had behavioral issues with the constant shuffling and basically prefers being at her dads because she has her own things and privacy and does not have to share with any siblings (her father is single, no other kids) I grew up in a siilar situation, being pulled kicking and screaming from either house and do not want that for her. Her dad and I live within 10 minutes of eachother, and I call her when she is over there. I have a good relationship with her dad and can come over to his house whenever I want as well.

I guess my question is, do you think it would be odd for me to basically become the weekend parent. I have gotten a lot of smurf from my side of the family for considering this change, but I feel like it would be better for her there, since she has all her own things, etc. We both agreed that we will play it by ear and parent based on her and her adjustments, therefore the situation could change if she isn't thriving there and I could always have her.

My dad says that if she lives there he will take me back to court even though we already have went, and they will give him sole custody because I agree that she should live there primarily. He tells me she will resent me, and I will lose my relationship with her and that I should force her to prefer me over her dad by forcing her to live with me during the school year. (He's smurfing dumb, I know)

There is a lot more I could say but I would keep going on and on, so feel free to inquire about anything. I feel guilty like, my dad is making me feel that I'm like giving her up for adoption or something, abandoning her. It makes me sick thinking about it, I don't want to regret anything. I would basically get to see her whenever but weekends are my official days.

I think that if your making a choice based on what is best for your child, even if it kind of sucks for you, its always the right choice.

Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that if your making a choice based on what is best for your child, even if it kind of sucks for you, its always the right choice."

that's exactly how I feel, I'm starting to second guess myself because of my dad's bullsmurf. I think she will be happier there, and it's not like I'd never see her, he lives 10 minutes away. The situation could always change and we are willing to change any schedules based on her adjustments.

its hard but you have to do what's best for your dd. As long as you & your ex are on the same page as far as visitations ect.. go then I don't see the harm. Personally I would get it in writing if she will be living with you once you get back on your feet ect...

Quoting SailorJerry:" that's exactly how I feel, I'm starting to second guess myself because of my dad's bullsmurf. I think ... [snip!] ... lives 10 minutes away. The situation could always change and we are willing to change any schedules based on her adjustments."

You're her parent and you're making a difficult choice based on what you know would be best for her. Your dad can shove it.
And like you said, she can see you whenever it's not like you're hours away, it'll be fine.

You shouldn't feel guilty for putting your daughter first.

Quoting SailorJerry:" I am not single, however this felt like the appropriate section to post as this is a custody visitation ... [snip!] ... about it, I don't want to regret anything. I would basically get to see her whenever but weekends are my official days. "

youre giving your daughter the best life possible that makes you what i call a good mom!   is there a way she can come to your house for a few hours then you take her home? so you would still see her a bunch?

I really think that is a very difficult decision and the fact that you're trying to do whatever is best for your child and not for you speaks volumes. My mom pretty much forced my dad (who happened to be the better parent) out of our lives because she didn't want to look like a bad mother for her kids living with their dad. It's socially unacceptable, apparently. Anyway, I won't ever fully forgive her for making that decision so selfishly. In our case, though our dad was forced to move back to Canada and we only got to see him once a year from then on out. I say kudos to you and there is nothing wrong with wanting your child to have the best life, even if that means she doesn't stay with you primarily.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Misty Walls:</b>" its hard but you have to do what's best for your dd. As long as you & your ex are on the same page as ... [snip!] ... don't see the harm. Personally I would get it in writing if she will be living with you once you get back on your feet ect..."</blockquote>




We will get everything signed and in writing as well as notarized. But ot isnt so we can get back on our feet. Its just her being happier at her dads and wanting whats best. If she wants to live with me in the future then we will gladly welcome her. But if she wishes to remain with her dad that is fine too. I just dont like the generalizations my dad is giving me and making it seem like I'm abandoning her.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jillian Lindsey:</b>" youre giving your daughter the best life possible that makes you what i call a good mom!   is there ... [snip!] ... mom!   is there a way she can come to your house for a few hours then you take her home? so you would still see her a bunch?"</blockquote>



Yes, I can come over to her dads and help her with homework or have dinner with them. We are on fairly good terms.

I know someone that does this with her daughter and ex husband. She has every weekend and he has school year week and in the summer, she has the week and he has every weekend. Have you considered that for summer at all?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Shari Hogan:</b>" I know someone that does this with her daughter and ex husband. She has every weekend and he has school ... [snip!] ... has school year week and in the summer, she has the week and he has every weekend. Have you considered that for summer at all?"</blockquote>




I forgot to add that, we would be doing that too, I will get her for breaks and majority of summer.

You have to do what is best for your child especially since you seem to know how it feels to go back and forth. If she is happy, healthy and taken care of that is all that matters. Things can change and probably will in the future but in the end she is your daughter not your dads. I remind my parents all the time they had their chance to raise their kids and while I appreciate the help she is my child in the end.

My boyfriend shares his kids half the week. So on those days we drive the 45 minutes to the school. Do whats best for your kid. Court won't take custody away because you're letting her go to school where she's better off.