re: ex just walked away *rant/question/vent*

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" Its only money, if you dont need ... [snip!] ... but you can't shell that money out for your child's needs, if you don't have it. That's what I mean by it's not your money."

Which is why I said if your well off, of course if your not I think you should collect it. but if you dont need it then you dont need it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting buggials:</b>" I'm also not trying to come off as upset at anybody here just trying to vent calm down, its hard talking ... [snip!] ... so he would have to be provoked to get off his bum to be vengeful so I'm trying to avoid the provoking until he gtfo of here."</blockquote>


I fully understand what you are saying. It's a very hard position to be put in. Again, I'm sorry if it came off like I was trying to judge you. Mostly just speaking in general. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your daughter. Ultimately, it would be nice if the douchebag could man up and be a father. Although I do have that standpoint about the CS, money can't compensate a relationship.

Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:" Which is why I said if your well off, of course if your not I think you should collect it. but if you dont need it then you dont need it."

And as far as it being the childs money I disagree with you. Its not just the childs money, its the parents moeny who is caring for the child, they are the ones who are having to pay for the childs needs, the moneythey get from their spouse goes to them to help care for the child, and themselves. Just like if they were still married the money they would make would be to help support the family, non of that goes directly to the kid or is in anyway just for the kid, so why would child support be? My dad owed my mom 35,000 in back child support payments, non of that money went to me, it went to my mom as it should have.

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" Which is why I said if your well off, of course if your not I think you should collect it. but if you dont need it then you dont need it."</blockquote>


And I'm saying it doesn't matter if you don't "need" it.... Unless you're a millionaire, you could always do with the money for your child's financial future. Just because you can get by pay check to pay check and even have a little extra, doesn't mean you don't need it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" And as far as it being the childs money I disagree with you. Its not just the childs money, its the ... [snip!] ... My dad owed my mom 35,000 in back child support payments, non of that money went to me, it went to my mom as it should have."</blockquote>


Of course if it's back payed, then yeah your mum deserved it for the cost of raising you... but if she's collecting hundreds of dollars a month, then it should go on you anyway.

Getting money off a man for being a father, is not the same as living with your spouse who is supporting you. You don't collect a monthly cheque to go and get your hair and nails done, you support your child with it. That's it's intended purpose.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" Which is why I said if your well ... [snip!] ... future. Just because you can get by pay check to pay check and even have a little extra, doesn't mean you don't need it."

And what I am saying is that some parents feel that their childs future would be better off without it, and that I can see why some wouldnt want to bother with getting the money if it meant that they had to continously deal with some jerkoff of a man/women in their childs life. Sure we could all use more money, but at what cost?

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" And what I am saying is that some parents feel that their childs future would be better off without ... [snip!] ... to continously deal with some jerkoff of a man/women in their childs life. Sure we could all use more money, but at what cost?"</blockquote>


I don't know why anyone would think their child's future was better off without financial security. Even the OP said she has reasons now why she's not filing but she will file for back support in the future.

You fail to realise that just because they don't pay support doesn't mean they can't come back around in 5 years and say they want visitation rights and you get to say "no you can't." It just doesn't work like that.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" And as far as it being the childs ... [snip!] ... collect a monthly cheque to go and get your hair and nails done, you support your child with it. That's it's intended purpose."

Thats exactly what I am saying you use the money that you make to support the child, so in essense it doesnt really belong to the child anyway, it belongs to the parent who is supporting the child. And if you feel you would be better off not collecting that money and can survive well enough without it and feel that collecting the money would cause more trouble than it would help, i see no reason or problem with the other parent not wanting to collect. Just because you can have more moeny doesnt mean you should. I could go out and find a job if I wanted to, and make extra money to put away for my kids future, but im not going to because I feel its more important to be home with my kids and support them that way. Sure they wont have the extra money in their accounts when they are older, but they will have the memories of me being there and home for them when they needed me. Now if I HAD to go out and make money to support my family i would, but I dont have to so I wont.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" And what I am saying is that some ... [snip!] ... back around in 5 years and say they want visitation rights and you get to say "no you can't." It just doesn't work like that."

Actually I do know how it works since I lived it as a child. Just because I said that I can see why someone wouldnt want to claim cs does not mean that I dont know how the system works. I was only saying I can see why someone wouldnt want too.

how about we all agree to disagree child support is one of those to each their own situations. We all have our reasons why or why not. I personally can't and won't right now but in the future when my daughter is ready and understands what might happen I will be going after it to put away for her. some people don't ever get it because they don't want it or need it and thats fine too. unfortunatly in my state everything and everybody I've talked to says even if he doesn't want her he will get days and I know him he will use them to spite me and my daughter would get hurt probably not on purpose but still. This has kind of turned into a giant mess of a topic I'd prefer it not to like I said it was kind of just a place to talk and get some of it out limited people on my end to talk to yay working in law enforcement and living in a conservative area.

Quoting buggials:" how about we all agree to disagree child support is one of those to each their own situations. We all ... [snip!] ... and get some of it out limited people on my end to talk to yay working in law enforcement and living in a conservative area."

I agree  

<blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" Thats exactly what I am saying you use the money that you make to support the child, so in essense ... [snip!] ... for them when they needed me. Now if I HAD to go out and make money to support my family i would, but I dont have to so I wont."</blockquote>



You are completely missing what I'm saying.

So you think, because you make the money, that's your money, so you do with it whatever you please and well if you don't feel like feeding your kid, it's their loss because it's your money. Um, no.

Of course the money you work for, goes towards the child, but you wouldn't have that extra money to spend on your child, if your income didn't get supplemented by CS. I don't understand why you can't grasp what I am saying here.

Lets say you spend $2 a week on your child. You only make $3 a week but you get $1 a week in child support.... So you have more money to support your kid because you do get CS. It doesn't necessarily matter who's pocket it's coming out of.

Quoting Ryloonjimama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting **Blessed Insanity **:</b>" Thats exactly what I am saying ... [snip!] ... you have more money to support your kid because you do get CS. It doesn't necessarily matter who's pocket it's coming out of."

I do grasp what you are saying you dont grasp what I am saying and since the OP has already asked that we not argue over this, I refuse to counter your arguement with my own. you see things the way you want to see them, I will continue to see them my way.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting buggials:</b>" how about we all agree to disagree child support is one of those to each their own situations. We all ... [snip!] ... and get some of it out limited people on my end to talk to yay working in law enforcement and living in a conservative area."</blockquote>


Done.  

ty both for agreeing to disagree lol and for putting a smile on my face I have no clue why but reading some of this last little part I guess made me happy knowing people still have the ability to be civil. I also feel a little better getting to vent and not being destroyed over it. Thank you I guess I can just take a day at a time and see where life takes me not let it get to me and enjoy the toothless drooling grin that awaits me at home.