re: I hate that I can't be a SAHM, how many of you work?

Quoting My Widdle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Then being a stay at home mom isn't what you ... [snip!] ... with kids, but I feel like I would much rather stay home with my own child than spending the day with other people's kids."

I quite my job at a daycare and went into nannying because I felt the same way. I couldn't take care of other kids while missing my own.

Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" how old is she? If you need more time with her then take more time, or try working for a month and if ... [snip!] ... really wishy washy about the idea of working and like home with your baby is where you wanna be, thats exactly how I felt. "

Some people aren't made of money...

Quoting My Widdle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Smokey_Taboo:</b>" I totally get that, i stayed from with ... [snip!] ... that he has an extra like 700$ a month and all he's have to pay is my car payment (220$) and school loan (54$) plus baby needs"

Ok, I have to interject a bit on this one. I get that you want to be with your child not someone elses but your statement here is a little "off".

First of all, you are now living at home. This is the time you should be working as much as the two of you can and saving your $$$ to get back out on your own again. You are about to have your own family and need to be on your own. I am on the fence about him disclosing how much $$$ he has. On one hand, you are having a baby together and caring for the babies needs are just as much his responsibility as they are yours so he shouldn't be too sneaky. On the other hand, you aren't married and really don't have the full "right" to know. Plus he isn't obligated to pay YOUR personal bills. Not right now anyway

IDK, I know what it is like to want to be the only one with your baby and see it all but, if you aren't financially stable on your own, you have to make concessions. This is a game of life and nobody ever said it was going to be easy. You have to do what is necessary for the greater good of your family. If I had to work to help put food on the table, as much as i would hate to do it, I would.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" I quite my job at a daycare and went into nannying because I felt the same way. I couldn't take care of other kids while missing my own."

Her baby will be in the same daycare.

Quoting Not tellin:" Her baby will be in the same daycare."

So was mine. Most daycares won't allow you to work in the same room as your child because it's a distraction and your priority will always be on your own kid.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" So was mine. Most daycares won't allow you to work in the same room as your child because it's a distraction and your priority will always be on your own kid."

True but she knows where her baby is and can take the time to nurse as needed and so on. That is a big plus.

Quoting Viv, Ev & Gwen ♥:" Some people aren't made of money..."

lol i know that...

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Ok, I have to interject a bit on this one. I get that you want to be with your child not someone elses ... [snip!] ... for the greater good of your family. If I had to work to help put food on the table, as much as i would hate to do it, I would."</blockquote>




We didn't move back home because we couldn't afford, we were doing fine but we were renting the house from my parents and my dad has been trying to sell it so it finally sold, last minute so we didn't have time to find a new place. But now were just going to wait until after she's born to move back in together. He makes good money he's manager at a towing company pkus he makes a lot of commission so there should be no reason why he can't help me out.

And I don't want to be a SAHM forever just for at least like 8 or 9 months and then go back to work. Or work in the late afternoon so I can be with her during the day. And my daycare doesn't care if you're in the same room with your child at all, they cater to you very well. I just want to cherish time with her while she's a baby because it goes so fast. And I'll feel so aggravated knowing she's in another room while I'm caring for other people's children and someone else is caring for her.

Quoting My Widdle:" And I don't want to be a SAHM forever just for at least like 8 or 9 months and then go back to work. ... [snip!] ... so aggravated knowing she's in another room while I'm caring for other people's children and someone else is caring for her."

Well it seems like you can wing it being a stay at home mother the first year, newborns need there mama's and mama's always have a overwhelming need to be close and bond with there babies. My SO would work 40+ wks as a receiver at a health food store so I could stay home with my babe, we had shared housing we got a place with a friend, its what worked for us. We didnt have a abundance of stuff but we had just enough to pay our bills and best of all I got to be with my baby and we learned to budget really well, I dont mind not having cable tv or a smart phone or car payments as long I got to be with my lil girl, and plus daycare is sooo expensive... Why do they separate you and lo at your work?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Smokey_Taboo:</b>" Well it seems like you can wing it being a stay at home mother the first year, newborns need there mama's ... [snip!] ... as long I got to be with my lil girl, and plus daycare is sooo expensive... Why do they separate you and lo at your work?"</blockquote>




They don't separate us but I wouldn't be in her room and the people that are have worked in that room forever so they wouldn't change it. Eventually she would be in my room, I work with 14- 20 month olds. But I agree with you in staying home to bid with the baby and care for all her needs myself. I really want to do that.

My mother was a SAHM and I am as well with my 3 year old, and since I'm newly pregnant again I'm not planning on going back to work until pre-K time. My oldest sister is a 5th grade teacher with no help from her spouse and it's very rough on her with her 2 sons (ages 5 and 1) She spends all day working with other peoples kids and has fully admitted she doesnt have patience left by the time she gets home. She is struggling with her situation. I make cuts and shop smarter to stay home with my baby girl. I even kept another friends son for a couple months to earn extra money along with making and selling hair bows and dresses that I worked on during nap time, so in-home business may be a good thing to check out ;) I can't imagine having to leave my baby regularly and I love being the one teaching her everything from morals to writing -which for a 3 yr old she is advanced in writing skills, computer skills, and verbal skills. By the time I give birth it will be time for pre-k and she does great in social situations and is already excited when we talk about going to school. Then I will have the alone time with the newborn I had with her while she's at school. I, as a child, loved my mother being home with me and felt very secure knowing she was always there for me. I always told myself 'if I can find a way to make it happen I want to be a SAHM'. But what works for one person doesnt always work for others  

Quoting My Widdle:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" Ok, I have to interject a bit on this one. ... [snip!] ... money he's manager at a towing company pkus he makes a lot of commission so there should be no reason why he can't help me out."

Honestly, I think this is the attitude I am having the most trouble with. Honestly, this is a partnership that the two of you are in. It should be on a mutual aggreance on you staying at home. Just because you share a child doesn't mean you are entitled to share his funds if he isn't willing to do more than "half". I have friends that have been married 10 years that split everything in half. They have a child, a home, they each have their own vehicles ect... They pay their own vehicle payments and share the "common" bills. It works for them and maybe your boyfriend is like them in that sense. It would never work in my house. My husband is terrible with money plus, we mutually decided if and when we were lucky to get pregnant, I would be a SAHM until our children are in school full time. That is 3 more years minimum in my home.

Perhaps you could try discussing the desire with him in a manner and tone that doesn't sound "entitled". It really is a communication thing that you have to figure a routine on.

Wow so glad i live in canada i get a year paid, and right now im on medical leave so it doesnt take from my maternity and that is also paid up 15 weeks, so my maternity doesnt start until baby is born.. i feel bad for you ladies having to have a baby and go back right away

Quoting Not tellin:" Honestly, I think this is the attitude I am having the most trouble with. Honestly, this is a partnership ... [snip!] ... in a manner and tone that doesn't sound "entitled". It really is a communication thing that you have to figure a routine on. "

I'm not looking to share his funds, I really don't care how much he has or whatever as long as he is able to provide as well as me. I've tried talking to him about it but it gets no where, he really is stingy with his money, which I understand because times are tough. But for example when we go to a movie or out to dinner he never pays, it's always split which I don't mind every once in a while but he expects it every time. And I just feel like because this is something I really want that would make me very happy, he'd be a little more willing to help me, that's all.