not having a great day..

I battle with depression a bit, and lately its just been getting worse, i started working out to try to help with it, and i need to lose like 100 pounds... Ok being dramatic, i need to lose around 60 pounds, but I'm sure a Dr would tell me i need to lose more... Yesterday i took a rest day from the 30 day shred, and today i just don't feel up to it.... i know i should have just sucked it up and worked out today... But there's just too much on my mind.. And to top it off my mom told me i might as well quit because i never stick to a workout and have only gained weight my whole life, never lost any.... The saddest part is that what upsets me and puts me into a big hole of depression is mostly selfish things.... The fact that almost all my friends (all but 1 who is a virgin and never even kissed a guy) are getting married, having their first babies, pregnant with their second.... And here i am, i have a beautiful son who doesn't have a father(deceased) and I'm alone.. Been single for years.... I'm sooooo jealous of all my friends.... When i should be happy for them.... I can't find a job, can't lose weight, and I'm single.... I should be doing something to change it, but every time i try i either get more depressed, or someone, like my mom, brings me down.... I just hate it... All of it...


Now that I've at least admitted to how I'm feeling, even if its to random strangers, i feel a little better... Don't really have anyone to talk to, sorry you had to read my sad sob story for the day.....

If you want to do someting then do it for you and not because of what your mom does or doesn't say. First off that is really mean of her. Mothers are suppose to be supportive. Second why not go out and find some friends, fill your life with people that will inspire you. If your doing workouts at a gym try to get with a group of people. Third if lonelyness steps in fill it with your little one. I need to lose weight, but I neither gain or lose weight. They only time I gain is when I'm pregnant. I gained way to much with my first. Right now I feel very limited to what I can and can't do not just because I'm pregnant but because of my weak back. It doesn't keep me from trying tho. As for work, my husband went almost 2 years before he found work, it was hard but now he is working with a company that in accouple months he will be working full time. Most importantly don't give up. I know you want a good life for your little one because its what I want for mine. Even if its a low end job you can always work hard and advance. One step at a time.

My family is full of thin petite women. My mother is 5'1" and maybe 100lbs, my sisters are 5'1" and 5'2" neither of them weighs more than 110. Then there is me. I am 5'4" and currently am a ripe 160!!! Not that I haven't been working on the weight. I have some health issues that we are trying to get under control and some of the meds really mess with my natural body functions (hormones, thyroid ect..). thankfully in January 2 of the meds will be gone.

It is hard when you see yourself in the mirror and think, why can't I be like that? I was called fat, and butter ball most of my childhood by my family. Mind you, I graduated HS at about 110lbs max. I want to say 105 but, that was almost 20 years ago so I dont' remember. Either way, even then I was the fat one. I have always had body image issues because of it. I thought I was fat on my wedding day. I wore a girdle, and my petty coat even had a "built in" stomach flatner like spanks are today. I weighed in at a whopping 120lbs. When you look at those pictures, my collar bones were sticking out. Of course today I see a different image of who I was then vs now.

Anyway, the point is that you can't let others opinions influence your self worth. You miss out on the enjoyment factor of life. You start to deprive yourself of happiness because it isn't just your weight that you stop with. You hate yourself because of your weight, then you move on to thinking that you are not good enough because you can't even control one thing in your life and keep it consistant. Before you know it, you are locked in your house and embarassed to go out. Get up, go to the store and buy yourself a new outfit. It doesn't matter if you think you are going to lose 10lbs next week. get out and get an outfit that fits your body properly. Stand in front of the mirror and realize how beautiful you are and embrace it. Changes will come gradually but only when you feel good about yourself.

You can't help that you are single. That was not your choice. Don't look at another persons life and think that it is better because they have what you don't. Look at your life and think how wonderful it is to still have one and a beautiful child to share it with. When you least expect it, someone will come in to your life falling in love with you and your son. For now, enjoy the time you have with him. Precious moments you dont' have to share.

Sugar, you aren't alone in a battle like this. Most of us share it with you. Just know that your opinion on you is the only one that matters and only you can control/ change that opinion!!!

You've always been a wonderful person with a huge heart. You're beautiful, smart, and have a good head on your shoulders. I know I wasn't the greatest friend to you that I could have been but I saw how great of a person you were and hopefully always will be.

Taking a break from a workout doesn't mean you quit, if you're having a down day and need to rest than do it. Maybe try talking to your mom about how you need her support more.   If you need to text me you have my number. Ill do my best to listen and not tear you apart like I have before.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Baby Love.:</b>" You've always been a wonderful person with a huge heart. You're beautiful, smart, and have a good head ... [snip!] ... support more.   If you need to text me you have my number. Ill do my best to listen and not tear you apart like I have before."</blockquote>




Thank you, i really needed this. You weren't a horrible friend, we just had some overly conflicting ideas, but despite that, you kept me in a good mood when i needed it most!

Quoting *~*allykat*~*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Baby Love.:</b>" You've always been a wonderful person with ... [snip!] ... horrible friend, we just had some overly conflicting ideas, but despite that, you kept me in a good mood when i needed it most!"

I'll always be here if you ever need me. <3