My daughter Kinleigh just turned 2. She has seen her grandmother maybe a handful of times in those two years. Mostly before the age of 6 months, maybe twice between 1 and 2 years. This is BD's mom. I have a PFA against BD, abuse occured in front of our child. He wasn't involved with her at all to begin with. He lives with his mom. She never texts/calls/emails to see how Kinleigh is. Has missed her bday 2 years in a row now. I received a text message about a month ago, regarding what Kinleigh would like for Christmas. I didn't respond, as she and I do not have any type of relationship at all and I was irked that she "forgot" KJ's birthday. Today I receive a message asking for them to have KJ on Christmas eve for her Aunt's birthday and for them to celebrate their huge family Christmas. She says BD will not be present at this celebration, so the PFA isn't an issue. I'm pretty dead set on not letting her take my daughter anywhere...ever. She hasn't wanted anything to do with her in the last two years, but now wants to parade her around a family gathering. It makes me angry. We live in the SAME town, and she sees BD's 4 year old son every other weekend, yet could never make an effort to see my child? What would you do? Should I let her take Kinleigh for a few hours on Christmas eve? or am I justified in being a bitch? (Side note: after BD was arrested the last time for Domestic Abuse, she came to my house to gather his things and flat out told me this "If you wouldn't have let him come back so many times when he was drinking then this never would have happened and he wouldn't be in jail right now! So this is pretty much your fault" .... I wanted to throw her right out the dang door!...since then I can't even stand to look at the women, let alone send my child with her anywhere...ever!
I would tell her something like that might be possible if she first had a relationship with you daughter. That would require her coming to your house to visit and build that relationship first before sending her off to a party with people she won't know well enough.
If it was me I would tell her it's not happening. It's different if she wanted to build up with coming to see her Grandchild with visits in her own environment first and then get to a stage were the child is comfortable going with her but to just appear from nowhere and expect to take the child away on her own to an unfamiliar environment around people she doesn't know no not at all.