How to deal with family visits after baby

Okay so we live in VA and our families live in IL/WI. My mom has been planning to come out here in late Feb. Since august. She wants to give us time to bond and love on our son before she comes down for a week. Well, MIL just told us she plans on coming down after the baby is born. DH and her made plans that she will come right after the baby is born. I don't want that! When I let DH know he gets so pissed of saying he doesn't understand why I think his mother is so vile and never talk to her. His mom is fine. Most of the time I dont mind her but I'm not very comfortable around her. I'm very outspoken and I feel like I can't be myself around her because she likes to talk smurf behind peoples backs. I just don't want to be miserable right after our baby is born. I want to wait a month before anyone comes down. Now if I were to let DH and his mom know that it's going to turn into a debate on who should get to come down first, his mom or mine. Well, my mom can't put in for vacation till middle of January and I don't want them both here at the same time because they clash. What would you do in this situation? I'm gonna end up being the bad guy either way.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Andi+Andy=Marley+1:</b>" Okay so we live in VA and our families live in IL/WI. My mom has been planning to come out here in late ... [snip!] ... here at the same time because they clash. What would you do in this situation? I'm gonna end up being the bad guy either way."</blockquote>




I would go rent a hotel room and hide from everyone.

Tmi warning...

I let my husband know the deal. His brother was planning on coming in February. I don't want to play host when I just had a baby and I'm bleeding profusely. (I bleed the whole 6 weeks with Contrax at least two weeks after). It's up to you guys how you work this out, but I'd rather be comfortable in my home, before I have any visitors. It's not about mil, it's about you him and new bubs. Time for the compromise.

I would just be completely upfront with her and let her know that you would like to have time after the baby is born to spend as a family and get use to being a new mom. By a month you have more of a routine established. In the beginning getting little to no sleep and having to play hostess isn't any fun.

Let her know that you would be more than happy to have after the baby is a month old. I would let her know when your mom plans of coming down and tell her she is welcome to come before or after you mom is there but you would prefer not having both of them there at the same time.

<blockquote><b>Quoting La~La:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Andi+Andy=Marley+1:</b>" Okay so we live in VA and our families ... [snip!] ... I'm gonna end up being the bad guy either way."</blockquote> I would go rent a hotel room and hide from everyone."</blockquote>




Lol.... That was my alternative.... No joke. Except mine would have been back in the states.

<blockquote><b>Quoting La~La:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Andi+Andy=Marley+1:</b>" Okay so we live in VA and our families ... [snip!] ... I'm gonna end up being the bad guy either way."</blockquote> I would go rent a hotel room and hide from everyone."</blockquote>



If I could I would do just that!

my sister had this exact problem we are all in kansas and she is in chicago. But you just gave birth you want to bond with the baby, its YOUR decision. Everyone is going to be mad but you need to be comfortable, along with the baby being comfortable. Tell him it doesn't matter who gets to see the baby first but you don't want family all down at the same time. My parents don't get along and my mom was furiated my dad got to see my sisters son first but it all depends on when someone can get their vacation. First come first serve

Phone her if you can. Explain that you and your DH would like time alone to bond with the baby before anyone. Tell her that you're mum isn't coming either. Try and talk to DH beforehand but if he doesn't listen, I would talk to his mum anyway cus that is what you two have agreed on. Phoning her makes it known then that you do talk to her too and that you do think she's fine. Maybe if DH thinks the two of you aren't bonding how he wants you to, ask her for help with something really small or ask her advice on something, even if you don't want it or already know. It could make her feel more involved which would also make your DH see that you're making an effort. Hope it all gets sorted!

<blockquote><b>Quoting White Chocolate Milk:</b>" I would just be completely upfront with her and let her know that you would like to have time after the ... [snip!] ... she is welcome to come before or after you mom is there but you would prefer not having both of them there at the same time. "</blockquote>


I don't plan on playing hostess no matter when she comes. If she's going to come down after the baby is born it's going to be to help me out or she's in for a rude awakening. I will not be getting up and down to serve anyone but my kids. It's just so frustrating. It's times like these that I wish DH wasn't on talking terms with her still.