24 hours after at-home miscarriage... (long)

Before i go into detail... I am 27, and I have no intentions of giving birth to a child. I have plans to adopt when I am married and ready. I have had two previous abortions using the abortion pill for an at-home miscarriage when i was 23. (due to broken condoms) Both times i was able to take the pill during the 4th and 5th weeks and although there was a lot of bleeding and cramping, the pain was relatively mild.

This most recent abortion was right at the last cut of date the clinic would allow for the abortion pill, which is 8-9 weeks. This time the unplanned pregnancy was due to having unprotected sex during the last day of my placebo Birth Control pill week, Since my periods are usually 3-4 days and the pills are for 7 days. It was completely my fault for letting it happen. It was with my boyfriend, but i still didn't really want to have sex and he was pretty much begging me.. He is 19 and likes to have sex as often as possible.

I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks ago, and it took me all 4 weeks to get the money together for the abortion. I went to the same doctor that i had the previous two, completely embarrassed that i had to return. -.- She assured me that it was alright and she didn't judge me. set me up with the first part of the abortion pill that you take at the clinic, and then gave me the instructions for the other pills (antibiotic, vicodin, and Misoprostol).  

I took the misoprostol (4 tablets) at about 6pm the next day (you're supposed to take it between 24-48 hours of the first pill at the clinic, I took it at about 32 hours) I started having mild cramps at about 9pm, and took one Vicodin. the pain started to get worse around 10pm so, reluctantly, i took another vicodin to try and ease the pain. No such luck. I would rate the pain as a '8' on a scale from '1-10', '9' and '10' being 'GET ME TO A HOSPITAL'. so since the pain was at an '8 'i called the doctor and at this time it was about 11:45pm.

She assured me that the pain would not get any worse and that i could get through it. I had my boyfriend by my side this entire time. I started where i was just laying in bed trying to relax (at 9pm), to writhing in bed trying to get comfortable and ease the cramping at 10pm, about 10:30pm i had to CRAWL to the bathroom because i was in so much pain i thought maybe sitting on the toilet for a while would help. It got so bad that i couldn't even sit up anymore and when my boyfriend finally convinced me to call the doctor at 11:50pm I was laying down on the floor in the bathroom with my legs up against the wall. I had never had that much pain with the other two, but i was also not at the 8-9 week mark before, so i think a lot of the pain had to do with that.

Well after i got off the phone i got into the tub and had my boyfriend just run a hot shower onto me that way the heat from the water would hopefully help with the cramping and the blood would be easier to clean. With still no improvement on the pain and trying really hard not to scream, I sat in the shower for about 45 minutes, my boyfriend by my side. a little more relieved now that i had talked to the doctor and she said it was normal and would pass. when i was finally starting to feel a little less pain, I slowly moved from the tub back to the floor of the bathroom and just kneeled over a towel with an open overnight maxipad under me to catch the blood. i was still wrapped in my bath towel with my boyfriend now infront of me letting me lean over onto his lap.

It was at this moment that i actually started to feel very light headed and almost euphoric... until i realized that i was bleeding very heavily. Then, suddenly, a rush of chills went up my spine and out came a lot of discharge.. and then a second large group of discharge....including the fetus and lining.. I was terrified.. I had never seen anything like this before.. they dont show it in movies like this, and they didn't tell me that i would be able to see the whole fetus... its eyes, its little arms and legs... I was in total shock...

I don't want to birth my own kids. I want to Adopt. whole heartedly. But my advice to those getting the abortion pill, try to get it done as quickly as you can. and if you have to wait until the last few weeks, 6-7-8, then be prepared to possibly see the fetus along with the lining.

After the big discharge pile including the lining and fetus, there was another rush of blood, so much so that i had to get a new pad and quickly move that one away and place the new one under me, which was also soaked fairly quickly. This is normal! but if you do soak more than two in a row then i would call your doctor just to make sure you're not bleeding out too much too quickly. After the second pad the bleeding slowed.

Physically I felt a ton better.. still a little cramping but nothing near as bad as it was before i passed the lining. Emotionally, just not being prepared for that.. i am shattered.. Again I don't regret my decision, and im glad that it happened while i was in the bathroom and not in my bed laying down.. i think i would of been more traumatized had i of squished he fetus or something awful.

Has anyone else felt this way after seeing their unborn? were you alright after a while? should i seek a councilor? I just don't know what to do.. I feel.. empty.. like im just a horrible person for waiting so long even though there was nothing i could do about it.... it was really difficult to try to sell things and borrow money just to make the deadline and now i just feel like, if i believed in a hell, I would end up there. Why were the first two so easy to forget.. but this one.. this will haunt me. How can i make this feeling subside? could it also still be the medication for the reason i feel this way?

Just curious, why dont you want to birth your own children?

That musnt have been a pleasant experience, especially as you are so set on adoption that abortion is the only option for you

Quoting NatashaHarper:" Just curious, why dont you want to birth your own children? That musnt have been a pleasant experience, especially as you are so set on adoption that abortion is the only option for you"

a few reasons; One, I am not married, Nor have I met anyone that would make me want to risk my life to try and carry a baby to term. (it could happen, but i do fear for my own life as well as the baby's, I am really small framed and I don't feel comfortable with the hormonal changes that come with being pregnant.)

Another reason would be that there are so many children in this world already that I would rather adopt a few older ones rather than bring in my own.

and Fear. Over all I am terrified of hospitals, Needles & IV's, Fear that the doctor or nurse isn't well trained, or that there might be a complication, Death of myself, the baby or both of us.

This Abortion was by far the most painful thing i have ever gone through. I've been very lucky never to have broken a bone or had any serious injury that would require me to go to a hospital. So i plan to keep it that way. Hense why my boyfriend had to force me to call my doctor and i really didn't want to but the pain was so bad that i WAS willing to go to a hospital if i had to. I was glad i didn't have to though, but the ordeal of witnessing what i did opened up a whole different can of worms of fear.

<blockquote><b>Quoting SirensCall:</b>" a few reasons; One, I am not married, Nor have I met anyone that would make me want to risk my life ... [snip!] ... I was glad i didn't have to though, but the ordeal of witnessing what i did opened up a whole different can of worms of fear. "</blockquote>

<blockquote><b>Quoting SirensCall:</b>" a few reasons; One, I am not married, Nor have I met anyone that would make me want to risk my life ... [snip!] ... I was glad i didn't have to though, but the ordeal of witnessing what i did opened up a whole different can of worms of fear. "</blockquote>




Thats totally understandable, its your choice and if you are scared then thats so understandable!
Im sorry you had to go through that!  

I agree that there are enough children in this world and that there are so many unfortunate children that would be so grateful at a second in life.

Its such a shame you had to go through these abortions because you were being safe! It seems unfair that you had to go through this.

I cant imagine what it must have felt like, im not suprised you are in shock, it must have been horrible, especially seeing the little thing, no ome deserves to see that  .

If you ever need anyone to talk to, im here, i may not be much help, but i will try   hehe x

How awful  


Have you considered counseling perhaps? Giving birth is a billion times less traumatic mentally and physically than what you've gone through thus far.



Hang in there.

<blockquote><b>Quoting SirensCall:</b>" Before i go into detail... I am 27, and I have no intentions of giving birth to a child. I have plans ... [snip!] ... this will haunt me. How can i make this feeling subside? could it also still be the medication for the reason i feel this way?"</blockquote>




I'm sorry you had to see that. *hugs*

There are websites and hot-lines you can call to discuss how you feel. I had the surgical procedure at four weeks three days, so I can't really help. But in my own experience and other women I've talked to there is often a bit of regret, even though abortion was the best, and wanted, option.

I used a protected site called P.A.S.S to vent my own confusion. It helped.

If you ever want to talk, PM me. I have a LOT of respect for your passion for adoption and wish you all the success in the world with that.

thank you everyone.. I just.. ive never even talked about my other two abortions before. -.- im not the kind of person to just talk openly about personal stuff like this.. but i needed to know if anyone else out there had gone through this like this.. seeing what i saw.. and how they coped. I will bring it up when i go back for my follow up appointment.

I'm sorry you went through that... I had 2 surgical abortions under general anaesthesia... i know medical is supposed to be safer and more like a natural miscarriage but precisely what you say- seeing the fetus come out- is something i could not have dealt with. my abortions were 11 weeks and 9 weeks respectively; and i have tortured myself with looking up fetal development at 11 weeks, and seen scan pictures of 11 weeks- it really does look like a fully formed yet tiny baby  
it really gets to me i couldnt bear to have seen them
do get some counselling! abortion is such a big thing to go through
take care of yourself xxx

kind of a different situation , but with my 1st miscarriage the baby was about 8-9 weeks, similar to yourself, i was told all i would see is a bunch of cells and i wouldnt recognise anything. like you i was traumatised by what i seen , little legs and arms, it was so unexpected. I think they should be more information on what to expect, so at least you can kind of prepare yourself. Does the clinic not provide councilling? if you still feel the same emotionally in a few weeks maybe you should speak to some one xx