It's bothering him...but not me.

Me and SO have been together for 3 1/2 years, are happy as smurf, and have a 15 month old together.

The last 4-5 months have been stressful in our household. We both work for companies going out of business soon so we're scrambling to find new jobs, Zoey is getting to the age where she's constantly pushing her boundaries & just...LIFE in general is testing both of us.

But, before Zoey I was crazy about sex. Wanted it all the time, never turned SO down and typically bugged HIM for it. Ever since I've had her I haven't wanted much to do with it. I'd go through spurts where I would but then it'd fade. Lately...the thought of sex is just NOT appealing. It's been over a month this time. SO usually understands and is great at accepting I'm just not feeling it but lately it's been making him insecure. He thinks he's "too small" or not good enough or something...and that's not the case AT ALL!

What the hell should I do? I don't wanna have sex just to make him feel normal but then I feel like maybe I should just to stop making him be insecure. I don't know how to let him know I'm still physically crazy about him and think he's the sexiest mother smurfer ever...I just don't want sex!  

When you get in the mood, try something new.

Find out WHY you're not in the mood....and fix that first.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Find out WHY you're not in the mood....and fix that first."

^ Agree

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Find out WHY you're not in the mood....and fix that first."

I've tried!   Doc tests, saw a therapist, am on anti-anxiety meds and have questioned whether it's just Michael or sex in general. And it's just sex in general. Like, I wouldn't give a smurf if Johnny Depp walked up to me...I still wouldn't wanna.

Honestly, a big part is weight related but I've been working on it...slowly. Down 10 pounds in 2 months but my 190 lb ass has a long way to go to be at 140. Maybe then I'll be better.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Find out WHY you're not in the mood....and fix that first."

i agree w/this. are u on bc?( that can make u loose your sex drive)....or mabe its the stress u are going through??? you can give your man a concrete reason why you arent interested in sex then mabe he wont feel insecure.

Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" i agree w/this. are u on bc?( that can make u loose your sex drive)....or mabe its the stress u are ... [snip!] ... u are going through??? you can give your man a concrete reason why you arent interested in sex then mabe he wont feel insecure."

Yes, on BC. I hate it but I have to be. Being a surrogate mother for a couple and birth control is the first step. :/ Doc doesn't think that's it but I'm still questioning it.

Quoting ModernMan'sHustle ♥:" I've tried!   Doc tests, saw a therapist, am on anti-anxiety meds and have questioned whether it's ... [snip!] ... on it...slowly. Down 10 pounds in 2 months but my 190 lb ass has a long way to go to be at 140. Maybe then I'll be better."

Okay...well I think you have your answer hun.

And take it from this 204lb women - it sucks!! And I COMPLETELY hear you.
Be honest with him! Tell him this is whats stopping you! Because you're insecure you're causing him to be insecure! Thats not fair.
And you may get skinny....but Id rather be fat and happy with my man then find myself a size 6, alone and hating myself for losing my family.

Ive been 150 all the way to 250 with SO..he has never made me feel unsexy, but I have made myself feel that way. We all have our good days. Like mine are after AF when my boats all gone and my boobs have stoped swelling lol....thats the time I find a comfy yet sexy nitey to put on and go at him.

Its hard. I know, trust me I know. But you got to smarten up and not let something as silly as your size ruin your family.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Okay...well I think you have your answer hun. And take it from this 204lb women - it sucks!! And ... [snip!] ... Its hard. I know, trust me I know. But you got to smarten up and not let something as silly as your size ruin your family."

I know.   I've tried. And he's NEVER made me feel ugly either. He always makes me feel good about myself. I just know I'm not healthy. I'm 189 pounds at 5'3'...that's BAD. I'm working on it. I've tried bringing it up with SO and he just calls me crazy. I think if he'd admit I need to lose a little it'd help me with motivation honestly...that sounds so bad....but I feel like it's true. When we first got together I was 130...the smallest I've ever been. And he's still with me at almost 200...I guess I got myself a keeper and should get over it right?  

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Okay...well I think you have your answer hun. And take it from this 204lb women - it sucks!! And ... [snip!] ... Its hard. I know, trust me I know. But you got to smarten up and not let something as silly as your size ruin your family."

this is all very true....us women tend to sabotage our relationships by not ''liking'' our own bodies. I struggle w /this myself  

Quoting ModernMan'sHustle ♥:" I know.   I've tried. And he's NEVER made me feel ugly either. He always makes me feel good about myself. ... [snip!] ... smallest I've ever been. And he's still with me at almost 200...I guess I got myself a keeper and should get over it right?  "

im 5'4...Im there with girl. I use to say the same thing, if he would just say I need to lose, then I would. Well, he tried to push me and all it did was reaffirm to me that IM the reason Im over wieght, and nothing he says or does will change that until I stop eating smurf food and GTFU and do something!!!

Me and you should try to lose together. Baby steps, like upping our water, walking...challenge ourselves each week

Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" this is all very true....us women tend to sabotage our relationships by not ''liking'' our own bodies. I struggle w /this myself   "

So true.

And men just dont think like that. They think 'Im getting laid! yay!!!
When we sit there cutting ourselves up...can he feel my stomach wiggling, does he think my thighs are too big, my ass, etc etc etc.

Ugh...

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" im 5'4...Im there with girl. I use to say the same thing, if he would just say I need to lose, then ... [snip!] ... Me and you should try to lose together. Baby steps, like upping our water, walking...challenge ourselves each week"

Sounds fantastic girl. I've been cutting soda slowly out of my diet. Down to one can in the morning and one with dinner. Used to be 4 a day. But, paratank me! I'd love to have someone to help me lose weight!!! Don't wanna post & ditch but I do have a 15 month old yelling at me because she's sleepy. Haha.

Quoting ModernMan'sHustle ♥:" I know.   I've tried. And he's NEVER made me feel ugly either. He always makes me feel good about myself. ... [snip!] ... smallest I've ever been. And he's still with me at almost 200...I guess I got myself a keeper and should get over it right?  "

Men dont love you for your size if that was the case he wouldnt have choosen be with you. The fact that he loves you nomatter what you look like and see you sexy whether or not your a size 2 or whatever.Should show you he isnt going look at anyone else the way he does when he looks at you. And you have something special that nobody else has and that why he has choosen be with you.

Its like my dh says I didnt marry you based off what world says is beautiful , I married you base off what I find is beautiful. If we try measure ourselves base on what world things then we will die trying with how much world changes. So why not just worry about me and what I find beautiful in you.

Quoting ModernMan'sHustle ♥:" I know.   I've tried. And he's NEVER made me feel ugly either. He always makes me feel good about myself. ... [snip!] ... smallest I've ever been. And he's still with me at almost 200...I guess I got myself a keeper and should get over it right?  "

some men really dont mind the ''flucuating'' in size. I have had 6 children and my dh has seen me at every weight from 105lbs-196lbs. he jokes that he will never cheat because its like having a different women every few years (or months, depending how close the pregnancies were together) everytime i loose the weight he mentions how he misses the way certain body parts feel or look when i am bigger. right now i am 165lbs(5ft tall) i feel blah but dh enjoys the extra ''cushion'' (in the bedroom) and keeps saying he will miss it when i start loosing weight (which will be soon as i go to my pp check up in 2wks)