re: Abstinence Education vs. Sex Education.

I am currently in a relationship where we are abstinent. We have been dating, exclusively, for over 6 months now. While that doesn't really have a whole lot to do with abstinence teaching, I'm throwing it in there because for some, it's applicable to their own life. It turned out to be a very practical teaching for me.

I will teach about sex, first. I will overlap it with teaching that all of the bad/unexpected things that come from sex can be avoided completely by refraining from it.

Despite the people who pretty much say that "teenagers are going to have sex, anyway", that is not always true. There are plenty of kids who wait. I have an old friend from high school with an 18 and 16 year old daughter who are virgins. One is away at college and has still managed to refrain (imagine that!).

Their parents absolutely pushed abstinence. No unwanted pregnancies, no STD's and not a broken heart between them, yet.

I will in no way teach my kid(s) that their sexual impulses and urges cannot be controlled. I will empower him (them) by telling them that they can and should control these urges.

I will never be the mom, saying, "Honey, I know you can't control yourself so here's a box of condoms. Be safe and cross your fingers. Good luck!". Yeah.....um.....NO.

Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" I am currently in a relationship where we are abstinent. We have been dating, exclusively, for over ... [snip!] ... you can't control yourself so here's a box of condoms. Be safe and cross your fingers. Good luck!". Yeah.....um.....NO."

Nobody said every teenager is going to have sex. But if a teen WANTS to, they WILL regardless of what anyone else says. I didn't listen to squat about abstinence in high school. It was one big joke and literally nobody listened to it. I started having sex at 16 but I was actually a "late bloomer" by at least a year in my group of friends.

Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" I am currently in a relationship where we are abstinent. We have been dating, exclusively, for over ... [snip!] ... you can't control yourself so here's a box of condoms. Be safe and cross your fingers. Good luck!". Yeah.....um.....NO."

Did you ever consider the fact that those kids are just telling their parents what they want to hear, because they pushed abstinence. I know a girl whos father drove her and her dates everywhere, sat in the movie theater with them, sat in the restaurant at another table during the date, and would even send their little sister into her room to spy on her. She still managed to have sex, and her father believes she is a good virgin :-P. Kid's often tell parents exactly what they want to hear.

While yes many kids don't have 'sex' in high school. They engage in a lot of other risky sex behaviors which still are addressed better by sex ed.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MysticWitchKat:</b>" Did you ever consider the fact that those kids are just telling their parents what they want to hear, ... [snip!] ... don't have 'sex' in high school. They engage in a lot of other risky sex behaviors which still are addressed better by sex ed."</blockquote>


Of course I take into consideration that kids lie. That's a given. Neither of these girls is having sex. They and both of their parents talk openly about everything. I would label the entire family "agnostic" and I know that none of their stances and encouraged morals and behaviors come from religion.

Not every teenager is the rebellious type. Some (many, even) are responsible kids who heed the warnings of people who both love them and have the wisdom of a lifetime of experience.

I have learned that when you expect nothing from people, that is what you usually get.

When i was in school we got the basic sex ed in 5th grade. Thats when we learned how a baby is conceived but never actually learned about sex, kwim. Then when we were in 8th grade we got the abstinence only course but by then tons of kids were already having sex so it was to late. I think that sex education should be taught and kids should learn how to be safe when or if they decide to have sex. Realistically abstinence only usually doesnt work because teens will do what they want regardless

sex education.

abstinence is BS.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Did you ever consider the fact that those kids are just telling their parents what they want to hear, ... [snip!] ... don't have 'sex' in high school. They engage in a lot of other risky sex behaviors which still are addressed better by sex ed."

Did you ever consider the fact that kids lie to their peers? LOTS of kids dont have sex but say they did due to the intense desire to be cool and fit in with lots of other kids that may or may not even be having sex.
It goes both ways.
Aside from education and teaching your kids about consequences, maturity and readiness, parents have to understand who the kids are hanging out with.
The culture of some communities and schools promotes sex and the culture in other communities discourages sex. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep kids i love in cultures that discourage sex.

To be honest, I don't understand why people even separate the two...WHY can't sex education be taught, like it should be, with abstinence education- meaning, It would be preferred that you wait until you are 100% ready to participate in something so mature (sex isn't just something to take pleasure in, it really complicates things, especially when you're still technically a child), And waiting for the right guy or girl- instead of giving your virginity away to someone who will use you, but if you DO have sex, you will be educated and know how to do things safely. Makes perfect sense to me. That's how I'll teach my daughter one day anyways lol

To me, abstaining doesn't mean "Don't ever have sex, ever until marriage" it means "Don't have sex until you are 100% emotionally and mentally ready to handle the responsibility, Be educated enough to make an informed decision when the time comes."

Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:" To be honest, I don't understand why people even separate the two...WHY can't sex education be taught, ... [snip!] ... and mentally ready to handle the responsibility, Be educated enough to make an informed decision when the time comes." "

Very well said. <3

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~*~Modern*Day*Delilah~*~:</b>" To be honest, I don't understand why people even separate the two...WHY can't sex education be taught, ... [snip!] ... and mentally ready to handle the responsibility, Be educated enough to make an informed decision when the time comes." "</blockquote>




Hmmm.
Which group of children is more likely to have sex way too young? Your group or the ones being taught "you are going to do it anyway so here is how.... And by the way, lets talk about all the different types of "sex" and fetishes....."