Quoting Man. Bear. Pig.:" I told DH the same thing... I told him that I had a strong feeling that this pregnancy wasn't going ... [snip!] ... Sorry and for the mama that asked, I was almost 11 weeks. I guess I thought I was in the clear, but evidently I wasn't."
i'm sorry for your loss, but i don't think you have to feel any particular way when you have a miscarriage.
it's a strange thing to undergo, i still haven't had one -- but i was very ready for one when i was pregnant b/c of how common they are.
and i don't think i'd have been upset or torn up in the way people think we should feel for our children, for example.
at that point max was just an idea... i could hardly process the fact of being pregnant b/c i simply didn't feel pregnant -- i didn't feel pregnant until i felt him inside of my body moving, and even then i didn't "love" him.
now? now the love is fierce and more powerful than anything i've ever felt for any other human, but ... not that idea. that idea and my four year old super-amazing boy are not the same thing...
and - last thought: after 13 weeks, your risk goes waaay down, but even still it can happen in the latter two trimesters unexpectedly. it did to both nick's mom and mine.