Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" It's hard, I think these are situations when lots of lukewarm religious people turn to religion, to help ... [snip!] ... it. Typing that out sounds really insensitive.. But it wouldn't have happened to an embryo that would have gone on to be born.."
When people have life issues and throw themselves into religion, it makes me think of how people that are recovering from addictions suddenly become devout members of a religious organization. Like I said, it's escapism, and while there's NOTHING wrong with that (I'm an atheist, not an antitheist) anything they have to say about their god or gods just doesn't help ME personally.
And whether or not the embryo itself was viable, I have known fertility issues. The sad thing is, I didn't even know about chem pregnancies until this year. Someone on BG pointed out that there's no way I've had that many false positives (Which I've had like....four-five always "right before my period".), and another doctor I've been seeing confirmed it sounds like chemical pregnancies. Sigh. I have a daughter, who makes my world turn, but she came at great costs to my health and my ability to lead a normal life. I just...smurf. I want to be a regular woman sometimes... I want to be a super mom. =[
To avoid comment spam, you bitches just get a really long ass comment replying to everyone. Haha.
kthx. - I don't believe in fate, or of anything being "meant to be", but I try to comfort myself by saying "I'm struggling this hard with Adrienne at 20-21. I wouldn't have been able to give them the life that they deserve." I was a young butthead, so I try to say "I was too young, my body wasn't developed enough to support a baby, sure there's a lot of teen moms but I bet even more have babies that didn't make it because they were so young.." Like, I've reasoned with myself over every possible thing as to why I should be thankful for the fact that they happened, as awful as that sounds. It's helped a lot, but all it really does in the end is numb everything. =/
justanothamotha- Thank you for all of the information! I have several Buddhists friends, and I understand perfectly that it isn't a religion, so I really appreciate you sharing. I've read up on Buddhist practices before, but I may have to give it another go. I've never met a sad, stressed-out Buddhist before. Haha. Thank you. <3
InkDMomma- I try SO hard to be nice and polite and say thank you when people start about it. Really, all of these happened quite a while ago and I guess it's just not catching up to me. I'm not pregnant and dealing with those issues, and at 14 months now DD has gotten a lot more independent and I don't have that "Smurf how to be a mom HOW TO BE A MOM" thing going on, so I'm a lot less stressed about it... Not having to deal so much with the present has just brought the past back.
I really do take my roll as an atheist seriously, which to me means being informed personally and understanding that other people are either going to see me as a lost soul that needs guidance or a heathen who's destined for hell. As much as I despise the majority of Christian ideals, I know that in their hearts and minds that they're trying to help....however smurfing frustrating and one-sided they may be about it.
Man. Bear. Pig. - First of all, your name is incredible. Haha.
Thank you hun.
Mara- I think you're exactly right. You can't help but think of every little thing about them and every possibility it would have entailed...in a way, it's like losing a lot of babies, some that look like the mom, some that look like the dad, boys, girls, brunettes and blondes... I mean, I think as far as humans go, we're fairly greedy with answers. We need them, we thrive on them. I agree that it's a very psychological loss, because nothing about the baby is ever finite. You lose so much more when you can never really understand what you lost.
Thank you ladies so much for commenting and helping me through this. I feel really silly, because it's been upwards of two years since my last miscarriage..but they've just been on my mind a lot. Thank you for sharing with me and I'm so sorry that some of you are in the same boat. =[ <3