Would like some advise.

Ok I'm going to say this now if you are going to say anything negative just don't say anything at all I don't want to hear any ones negative bull smurf they have to say.

Ok so with that being said this will probably be long and I'm sorry but it's the only way to really get the whole picture of what's going on out there.

I have never felt so down in my life until now, this is suppose to be a great time about to welcome a new baby, but I can't seem to enjoy it with everything that is going on. I had to go to court this morning because I'm fighting for custody of my two oldest children. Long story short my ex husband decided one day that he was going to up and leave without saying a word to me when we just started new jobs and was just starting to get our lifes on track, and left state with my two kids. Then thought that after a month of him not talking to me and telling me whats going on thinking I was going to stay with him, on top of the fact that some how his parents found a way to get me kicked out of my own house and put me out on the street with no family or anywhere to go. Yeah I'm sorry but all I can say is maybe it was a good thing he left cause him leaving opened my eyes to the rest of the world and I found the most amazing person during that time. And, decided that I needed to move on with my life it wasn't worth it anymore why be in this relationship with a person who forces you to do things you don't want to do, beats you, as well as brings you down mentally, not to mention cheated on me every chance he got. So I filed for divorce and started to date my now husband. Got pregnant with him right away oops, but smurf happens. It probably the only reason why we stayed together for so long. But, at one point and time between his friends and my ex causing problems he told me to try to work it out with my ex just because we already had a family and because he wouldn't let go of me. That even if me and him weren't together he will always still be there for his daughter. When tho my ex said he didn't want that and that if I was to be with him that he was going to be her father and that his name would be on the birth cert. and I was not about to let this happened. Well I tried to be with my ex but I just couldn't, I couldn't keep putting myself though all that crap anymore or be with someone I didn't love at all anymore not even a oz of love for anymore. So my now current husband said at least I tried and we moved on. Well my ex started making excuses on why I shouldn't see my kids, like I just moved in with my husband I needed time to adjust, I just had my daughter I needed time to adjust to that, I didn't have a big enough car for them to fit in or reliable to transport the kids to where ever we needed to go, and then it was we were getting married, it's just bull crap after bull crap. Well I got tired of all the crap and I was tired of not seeing my kids, so I finally built up the courage to take him to court.
So now back to court this morning. We have been going to court now for a few months and no matter what I do everything gets turned around on me. They won't admit into the courts the messages that he demanded me to give him things to see the kids, nor would they admit into court that he would also demand I have sex and do sexual things in order to see the kids. But, they are ok with admitting that I wouldn't see the kids and refused to when that's not true. On top of that my daughter not to long ago stated that she was being touched by a man in her down there area and today in court he makes it out that I made this up and that I'm trying to use the system to get what I want. I also made a post not to long ago about this and what I should do. Well, I just don't know what to do anymore I don't know what to think anymore. I don't see how a 6 year old would make something up like that and it get turned around on me. The judge even said that it was made up and everything else. I can't believe this. So now I lost even more time with my kids out of the time I did have which was three weekends a month from friday at 8pm to monday 8am, to two weekends. I really just want to give up on fighting for my kids I know it's wrong but I don't know what else to do at this point everything I do gets turned around on me, like the being touched what if I didn't report it and it was really happening and she told me now what, I still think it's happening really. They have my daughter so messed up right now I just don't know what to think. My daughter is suppose ably saying she don't want to want to come to my house because I choke her and I'm mean, but my son doesn't say anything like this and he is happy to come here and everything else.

What do I do? Do I give up or do I keep fighting because at this point I want to just throw in the towel and give up, I really don't want to but I feel like I have no other choice but to. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this, but for my husband but it's hard for him I know it is. I'm tired of taking everything out on him, and I know it hurts him to see me in pain all the time. I want to be able to give all my kids a good life the life I wanted but was never able to have. But, I feel like if I walk away from them that they will never have a good life but at the same time if I was to do that I can make sure these two get the life I want them to have. But I want them to have a relationship with their older brother and sister.

I just really need some advise I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry this was so long and if you made it to the end thank you! Just please someone help me. I feel alone.I'm just tired of feeling like I have to walk around like everything is perfect when it's really not.

onestly soem ex husbands are super retarded , and its so frustrating and upsetting when judges and other people who you thought were your friends and family turn there back on you and seem like they believe the nonsense that is coming out of his mouth, i too went throught this sort of ordeal about 3 years ago. i had a son from a previous relationship , my hubs and i got pregnant so we decided to get marrried. ( worst mistake ever!) we were married for about 2 years and hten i decided i wanted more out of my life. i wasnt happy with him at all. i mean he was a good dad but i neede some hot love and ppassion.. lol..


anyways during our divorce custody stuff he said these outlandish things like when i was home with the kids i would leave them unwatched, unfed.. yada yada.. he also claimed that i would lock up my daughter who was two in our corgi's dog kennel in our living room so i coud be alone. he also said , sicne at that time i did find a bf , that i was drinking, doing drugs and basically selling my body like i was a prostitute... ohhh yeh.. thats me to a T.

im one of those ppl that dont even like to take a tylenol becasue i can tough it out. i also have not drank a drop of alcohol since i was 18, have never done drugs. all my family and friends know this =) but strangely all of them believed him over me! i was shocked. i couldnt afforda lawyer until a few months into preceddings so he basically got whatever he wanted. my mom finally borrowed me the money to get a lawyer but by then my reputation was so damagged i had to fight tooth and nail just to get time to see my daugher. he also called my sons baby daddy adn told him he should start court stuff to try to take him away from em too!!

nothing evr changed with my custody for my son, his dad didint rly care to fight ne ways.. but with my daughter i only get her monday morning through thursday morning.. adn her dad gets the rest! it was complete and utter bullsmurf!!i know eventually i will have to go back to court to get more time with her snce her dad is a total weirdo and shes becoming a weirdo too.

dont ever stop fighting! those kids are so m uch better off with a momma that loves them like no other person can. my daughter thinks her dad can do no wrong and she even thinks im a little on the stupid side because her dad says im not that smart.. shes 6 now and very impressionable, i dont want him to screw her up like his whole family is =) one day ill get the time i deserve with her =) one day

Thank you for sticking through all that lol. Yeah pretty much he has my daughter brain washed, She is not the same person she was almost two years ago. She is always saying smurf like well daddy or nana said I don't have to do this or that. Like giving her a shower I tell her to wash her parts cause she is still saying they hurt and she tells me nana said not to. I have to tell her I don't care what she said your going to wash it so it stops hurting. But yet in court today they said I don't give my kids baths and all this other crap. I don't understand how someone could be like this to someone. How can you take away someones parental rights and feel good about yourself for doing it. I know one day they will see what their father really is but it's not going to be anytime soon, and it sucks my kids deserve more then this. I wish I can afford a lawyer but I can't I feel as tho if I had one it would be better for me and I would get somewhere but I can't afford to take care of my 4 kids and pay a lawyer and all the bills we have to pay. I wish I can, I wish I had the family like he does to pay my smurf for me but I don't. I'm just hoping one day they will see but will that one day be to late?