re: My husband told me he thinks he's gay

Quoting Sara *Aiden's Mommy*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Xsecure mommaX:</b>" my sisters ex husnabd who shs was married ... [snip!] ... that he is just being influenced by his friend. He friend just keeps telling him he was overcompensating with all the girls."

I'm gonna be blunt here....

If your husband has been living with his gay friend for a few months now, and all of a sudden says he's gay. Chances are that he and his friend have messed around... and he enjoyed it. It sounds like he didn't want to pursue those things when he was younger, because believe me.... the backlash and the criticism is god smurfing awful (I've been through it). So he hid it.


I don't think he's lying, momma. Or confused. I think he just finally found the courage to be truthful about it all.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>"   OP, he may have known he was gay when he asked you to marry him. But a lot of men try and tell themselves ... [snip!] ... he'll always love you. But he just may not be able to have a sexual relationship with you anymore. Hang in there<3"</blockquote>




I know that they are his children and I would never keep them from him, but I am hurting so bad I just can't imagine having to see him again. I don't think I could ever stop loving him. I told him before we got married that I didn't believe in divorce. I moved over 1000 miles from my home, family, and friends. I have up my relationships with my family, everything for him.

Sorry youre going through all of this ((((hugs)))).

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" I'm gonna be blunt here.... If your husband has been living with his gay friend for a few months now, ... [snip!] ... hid it. I don't think he's lying, momma. Or confused. I think he just finally found the courage to be truthful about it all."</blockquote>




He told me they haven't done anything but he has thought about it. I don't know if he hasn't done anything because his friend is married to his partner or because he isn't sure yet. Every time I ask him a question about it, he says he doesn't know and is just confused.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" I'm gonna be blunt here.... If your husband has been living with his gay friend for a few months now, ... [snip!] ... hid it. I don't think he's lying, momma. Or confused. I think he just finally found the courage to be truthful about it all."</blockquote>




Definitely all of this.

Quoting Sara *Aiden's Mommy*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>"   OP, he may have known he was gay when he asked ... [snip!] ... I moved over 1000 miles from my home, family, and friends. I have up my relationships with my family, everything for him."

Then stay with him. Not in a relationship sense... but physical sense. If you can get over the cheating, and the him no longer wanting to be with you... stay. If he's a good daddy, come to a mutual agreement and stay there so you can raise the kids together, but also move on with your life. It'll hurt... but it is possible to move on.



I'm looking up different forums, so you can maybe understand a bit better. This is a thread where the guy said he's coming out to his wife and kids:
http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/865335

http://myheartgoesout-carol.blogspot.com/2011/02/your-spouse-just-came-out-as-gay-now.html

I don't think he's just being influenced by his friend to be entirely honest with you here.

I could live with the hottest lesbian ever, and nothing would come of it, because, well, I'm not gay. It's not something that happens because of influence. It's just something that is. Maybe he's bisexual and more into men, but this isn't an issue of him being influenced, I assure you.

Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" I don't think he's just being influenced by his friend to be entirely honest with you here. I could ... [snip!] ... just something that is. Maybe he's bisexual and more into men, but this isn't an issue of him being influenced, I assure you."

I agree. I'm not straight... so I can't say I could control myself if I lived with a hot ass lesbian      

BUT. Being gay isn't something he can switch off and on, OP. He's realizing his feelings... and I can only imagine how hard it was for him to tell you that. Can you imagine how ashamed he feels? How awful he feels for putting you through this? He married you, and had two babies. And now it's all crashing down because he finally came out. I do not envy him. But he needs your support, OP. Even if you two can no longer be together... he does love you.

im not gay but im kinda curious. i love men though and very attracted to men but sometimes i find myself looking at women too =P anyways i would say he is sleeping with the friend or has slept with a man while living there and he has himself figured out. he probably still loves you just not in a sexual way. im sorry.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" I agree. I'm not straight... so I can't say I could control myself if I lived with a hot ass lesbian ... [snip!] ... came out. I do not envy him. But he needs your support, OP. Even if you two can no longer be together... he does love you."</blockquote>




I understand all of that, I'm upset about all of it, but I am also upset that if he thinks he had these feeling, how he could marry me and have a family with me. He knew I didn't believe in divorce and knew what I was giving up to marry him, so why did he choose me and not some other girl to marry as a way to hide it. He also makes it soo hard for me to feel bad for him and what he is going through, because he acts like this is not killing him like it is me.

Quoting Sara *Aiden's Mommy*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Xsecure mommaX:</b>" my sisters ex husnabd who shs was married ... [snip!] ... that he is just being influenced by his friend. He friend just keeps telling him he was overcompensating with all the girls."

i think he only got married ot my sisiter so people wouldnt think he was gay,he nevr had nay gay porn or anytihing liek that... he just had like gay tendencies.. he would say weird stuff.. or want them to do 3 somes with only another man..

He also always wanted a threesome with another girl and never another guy, I just can't understand it, I think it is because I am soo devastated.

Quoting Sara *Aiden's Mommy*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" I agree. I'm not straight... so I can't say I could ... [snip!] ... soo hard for me to feel bad for him and what he is going through, because he acts like this is not killing him like it is me."

He married you to cover up what he actually is. A lot of men do it. Some can live their whole lives without ever coming out. He probably thought marrying you would make it all go away.

Quoting kthx.:" He married you to cover up what he actually is. A lot of men do it. Some can live their whole lives without ever coming out. He probably thought marrying you would make it all go away."

  

One of the main things that "Gay Conversion" experts encourage is getting married to a person of the opposite sex. It's a form of immersion therapy.

I agree with Kthx.


hugs to you!