Quoting Kaysay:" "
He said he wasn't ready to come back, that's not even an issue. He told me he missed me when I saw him last night, and loved me but didn't want to because he's gotten hurt so much. Which I understand. But the fact that he still does makes me feel an ounce of hope. My biggest setback is trying to show him I've changed from being a self centered, selfish outright mean bitch when he's not around everyday. I still see love in his eyes, and he told me last night if he didnt have to go to a funeral today he'd have stayed the night. That little thing there made my heart do flips. This is how far it's come from him telling me to never speak to him again.
Before he even came over I sent him a text asking him if he was all right [funeral mentioned was his cousin] And he said
I'm okay, you?
Looking for jobs, the usual.
Then he proceeds to tell me he feels like he's going to have a mental breakdown because of all the smurf going on.
I told him how empty and broken I felt. Then he told me he knows exactly how I feel and it never gets easier. Which kind of hurt.
Then he agreed to come over and watch movies with me, which didn't happen because we wound up talking. He said he just needed time.
And that's hard because I'm a firm believer in anything can happen and today could be our last.