just dont know...

i dont know if i ever felt so down in my life.

like evrything crushed on my chest.

i get those attacks when i am barely able to breathe, feel like i MUST cry, but not one tear is comin out of my eyes. i get the sensation of nausea, feel like i will puke, but i cant. then it all stops and goes 'back to normal'. it doesnt get back to really normal, i feel this pressure on my chest, i feel like i will collaps under all of the smurf thats been goin on.


everyone says how impressed they are bout how well i am handling things. then someone said thats just a fasade, inside of her is a storm goin on, i almost cried (of course i didnt) and the other says, eeehhh thats not true, look shes laughin its all good.


well its not. i feel like a damn failure, i feel like theres not one thing i can achive, may it be carrying a pregnancy till term, or atelast till the baby can make it, my job, or smurf even my damn health, i cant even keep myself cancer free, since all of the smurf thats been coming my way, who knows when that devil will knock on my doors again?


there are moments when i think about how it would be...without me here. then i 'mind slap' myself about how do i even dare to think about that, i cant hurt so many people, and i really cant.

but...i just dont know what to do to make me feel better. im the optimistic girl, who belives in rainbows,karma,and that all happens for a reason...

well lately i cant see those reasons,those rainbows...


i just had to get that out...im so tired of 'pretending everything is smurfing perfect''

I'm so sorry  

Quoting HopingforaMiracle:" I'm so sorry  "

thanks... it will get better but...you know, im just sooo tired.

<blockquote><b>Quoting -C.Lit- :</b>" thanks... it will get better but...you know, im just sooo tired."</blockquote>




Welcome. I understand

Keep your head held high girly, you're going to make it through moma.

You can PM me if you need someone to talk to .

<3 <3 <3 <3

I'm sorry sweetie, ((((hugs))) I have a smurfload on me too , to where I feel like I am suffocating.  

You are in my prayers.

Quoting missmommy.x3 J,A&B:" Keep your head held high girly, you're going to make it through moma. You can PM me if you need someone to talk to . <3 <3 <3 <3"

we both know it i will, but we also both know how damn hard it gets on some days.


this year has just been...so smurfed for me. seriously i cant find nicer words to describe it... i just hope that 2013 will bring some damn light.

Quoting MyPurrrtyBabies:" I'm sorry sweetie, ((((hugs))) I have a smurfload on me too , to where I feel like I am suffocating.   You are in my prayers."

it just sucks.

it sucks to the point where id gladly take some meds that would just make me numb to emotions

Quoting -C.Lit- :" we both know it i will, but we also both know how damn hard it gets on some days. this year has ... [snip!] ... been...so smurfed for me. seriously i cant find nicer words to describe it... i just hope that 2013 will bring some damn light."

Yes, we surely do!

I got my fingers crossed that 2013 will be better for you. Remember, it can't rain forever!

Quoting -C.Lit- :" it just sucks. it sucks to the point where id gladly take some meds that would just make me numb to emotions"

Its gonna be okay Mama. I wish I could actually give you a BIG hug. I know exactly how you feel. You, we....will make it.

come here and we will get smurffaced together and forget about it all!!!


ok well, thats only a tempoary fix  


<3 !!!!!

(((hugs)))

I love you, lady. You are one of the strongest people I know. Hang in there. And you know I'm ALWAYS here if you just need someone to talk to. <3