Arguing..Advice?

I tried talking to my BD's mom about this so i am posting here what i typed to her...any advice on how to handle this situation and or what to say to him...to not argue...?

"He woke up at 4 today and usually i talk to him a few times a day, than he said he would call me back when he got done eating..but he ended up calling me an hour later because him and Tim were talking and Dylan just started getting bent out of shape going off on me on how he doesn't have to tell me who he talks to and when and what they talk about...but i wasn't even saying he cant talk to anyone or Tim i was just saying i thought he was going to call me back and than i got pissed because now it feels like he is hiding things from me since he thinks he shouldnt mention who he talks to...how is a relationship supposed to work when someone hides things from you? i am so upset because in the middle of talking the phone died and he is about to leave for work so now i have to sit here till 11 to even talk about this...i hate how that phone dies after 15 minutes...ugh...fml...feel lost right now..."

"Yeah but how am i supposed to feel when he is telling me he doesn't have to tell me anything that he can do whatever he wants and talk to whoever he wants...when you are in a relationship it's not supposed to work like that....i don't care who he talks to just want to know who he talks to..don't think it's asking for much...i always tell him who i talk to."

"he called back but the phone died again, he now says that i am the reason he has no friends that he feels like a turtle inside a shell....i wish someone could explain to him that when you get engaged and have a kid that it's supposed to be all about them...not going off with friends all the time."

So you want him to tell you every time he talks to someone? You sound.. very easy to please?

Sounds like he's feeling under a lot of pressure with the questions and the relationship.

I never really ask who SO is talking to because I don't really care for one, and I trust him. If the conversation if kind of weird, sometimes I might, but he usually tells me when he hangs up.

You two just need to talk. Tell him how you feel....let him tell you how he does...figure out a way to make it work to where you both don't feel so crappy.

Quoting DEGO™[OB]:" So you want him to tell you every time he talks to someone? You sound.. very easy to please?"

No, Tim is his dad...when he called me back all i did was try to make conversation saying "oh what did you guys talk about" and he blew up on me..

Okay, I just re-read that...

You're smothering him in questions and he's probably venting about it to his Dad and whoever Dylan is.

Quoting Tavi:" Sounds like he's feeling under a lot of pressure with the questions and the relationship. I never really ... [snip!] ... him how you feel....let him tell you how he does...figure out a way to make it work to where you both don't feel so crappy. "

I agree, i am planning on talking to him when he gets off work in a little bit but my only issue now is he claims i make him feel like a turtle in a shell...how on earth am i supposed to take that? like when we everything has been perfectly fine with him and i lately and he never complains about me and is super attached to me and loves on me...than this..

Quoting Honey Boo Boo:" I agree, i am planning on talking to him when he gets off work in a little bit but my only issue now ... [snip!] ... perfectly fine with him and i lately and he never complains about me and is super attached to me and loves on me...than this.."

Yea, that's a good idea. There's been a lot of times when I say something to SO...or ask a question, and to me, it's just asking a question, there's nothing behind it. To SO though, it can be interpreted differently. Like I don't "trust him", or I'm getting an "attitude" with him. Everyone needs their personal space and when we don't get it, it feels a little overwhelming at times.

Quoting Tavi:" Okay, I just re-read that... You're smothering him in questions and he's probably venting about it to his Dad and whoever Dylan is. "

Dylan is my daughters father, Tim is his dad...and he was supposed to call me back after he was done eating than an hour later called me saying he was talking to his dad and i asked "oh what did you guys talk about and than he blew up and ended up saying just about football ect ect.....I was just trying to make conversation than he blows up on me saying i am the reason he has no friends and blah blah blah...*we dont live together either* idk..

You're smothering him, back off. Engaged or not, you don't need to know who he's talking to every second, a HUGE part of a relationship is TRUST and if you can't trust him then you probably shouldn't be with him. Even in a relationship you need your space, you don't need to know what they talked about.

Quoting ღ.ღ.ღ:" You're smothering him, back off. Engaged or not, you don't need to know who he's talking to every second, ... [snip!] ... you probably shouldn't be with him. Even in a relationship you need your space, you don't need to know what they talked about."

He always has his space we don't even live together because he wont get a second job to support his child...and be a family...

Quoting Honey Boo Boo:" I agree, i am planning on talking to him when he gets off work in a little bit but my only issue now ... [snip!] ... perfectly fine with him and i lately and he never complains about me and is super attached to me and loves on me...than this.."

That is called the "honeymoon" stage, darlin. lol.

Time to move on from all that. This tends to stop when the man already has "courted" you and all that.

What yall both need to do is trust each other, not sweat the small stuff, and communicate.

By the sounds of it, there is more to this story than just asking him out the blue what his dad wanted/needed. Sit down and talk to him if you feel like this is a make it or break it quarrel. If you are determined he is "hiding something" or cheating, ask him about it in a private, adult manor. If he say's he is not. Take his word for it, get some couples counseling, or leave him.

You either need to learn to trust him and let some smurf go, or you will eventually push him further off and not trust him for the rest of a miserable relationship. ((No trust in a relationship doesnt turn out well in most cases))

Quoting Honey Boo Boo:" He always has his space we don't even live together because he wont get a second job to support his child...and be a family..."

Your child to? Or are we talking about another child of his?

Why would you get married to someone who chooses not to support their child?  

Quoting Honey Boo Boo:" He always has his space we don't even live together because he wont get a second job to support his child...and have a family..."

Do you work? No you might not live together but you said you don't care who he talks you yet you want to know who he's talking to? Also when you have a family it is about them, but you also have your own time to get a break or get away for a little bit. Do you call him multiple times a day?

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" That is called the "honeymoon" stage, darlin. lol. Time to move on from all that. This tends to stop ... [snip!] ... and not trust him for the rest of a miserable relationship. ((No trust in a relationship doesnt turn out well in most cases))"

We have been together for 5 years, we are wayyy past that lol but for the most part i was saying we do get along...and he is all lovey dovey and clingy still...than all the sudden this...but thank you...i just care and try to make conversation.

Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" Your child to? Or are we talking about another child of his? Why would you get married to someone who chooses not to support their child?  "

No, him and i just have one child together he has no other kids and neither do i...and he supports her kind of now..if i work with him...but he said if we break up he would work with me..but he is BSing so i told him i'd rather do child support but he rather not..