How to split up Christmas?

SO is adamant we have to see his family on Christmas. When we first had LO because I was living with my mum we had Christmas at her house and SO hated it cos we "don't do it right"   Ok, whatever. We had planned on alternating Christmases and Christmas Eves every year because SO doesn't want to spend half the day driving around to see people. Alrightey then.

That hasn't happened. The past two Christmases we have spent at his mothers house with his family and I have taken the kids to my mums on Christmas Eve alone. But my mum is getting kinda hurt about it and I can understand that cos on the Christmas that we spent at her house SO invited his family to come around because they had to see LO on Christmas, but he made it very clear there's no room for my family on Christmas Day. He doesn't like my family, I get it. He puts up with them and does as well as he can because honestly they are not easy to get along with. But his family aren't exactly peachy keen either and I do it for him.

I think that this year since we live about a ten minutes walk from my mums house we should wake up Christmas morning at our house, have breakfast, open stockings and then walk up to my mums house, spend a few hours there and then spend Christmas afternoon with SOs family.

This has been vetoed for me taking the kids to my mums Christmas Eve while SO is at work and then making sure I am home when he gets home because it's Christmas Eve.  

How should we split up Christmas? We never had this problem when I was a kid cos I had a deadbeat for a father and to be honest, it made it a lot easier!

Don't split Christmas. Have everyone come to you an bring the food. You're the one with the kid. It's not fair to your mom to not ever get to spend Christmas with you guys. Or have set times for each family at your place.

Quoting kate & tilly:" Don't split Christmas. Have everyone come to you an bring the food. You're the one with the kid. It's ... [snip!] ... It's not fair to your mom to not ever get to spend Christmas with you guys. Or have set times for each family at your place."

That's what I thought, we have a fully fenced garden, the biggest house (though not the nicest, that's definitely the grandparents but they are smaller) and my sister lives just up the street about 5 minutes away.

That's what makes it hard. My sister has two kids as well and my mum wants to see all of them for Christmas cos she absolutely adores all of her grandchildren but SO thinks that doesn't matter, he has said before he would be perfectly fine if we never saw my family again   And I get it, if we only had one family to see it would be a lot easier. And SO grew up with his mums family and his dads family knowing each other for so long (SOs mum and dad grew up together literally across the street, born a few days apart in the same hospital) that they would all have massive family Christmases together. And that's just how they did it. SO he doesn't know how to adapt to a different family lifestyle.

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" SO is adamant we have to see his family on Christmas. When we first had LO because I was living with ... [snip!] ... We never had this problem when I was a kid cos I had a deadbeat for a father and to be honest, it made it a lot easier!"

Me, too. Never had to deal with back and forth bullsmurf. He needs to buck up and stick to the deal. One year here, next year there. If he can't, much like my SO, make them come to you. Since everyone had a hard time following the rules and logic of taking turns, there's a new rule this year. Christmas Eve day we'll go see his dad and grandmother, which is usually only two hours. Then we have the evening together. Christmas morning is all us. Grandparents are welcome to come to our early dinner if they'd like. If not, oh well. I'm tired of hauling the kid everywhere. Not to mention making her leave all her new things right after she opens them because we need to be somewhere on time.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):</b>" That's what I thought, we have a fully fenced garden, the biggest house (though not the nicest, that's ... [snip!] ... family Christmases together. And that's just how they did it. SO he doesn't know how to adapt to a different family lifestyle."</blockquote>




Invite your sister and her kids over too. Have it just be a big family potluck.

I would spend Christmas Eve with just your SO and your kids. Then on Christmas have set times that you go and visit each side. Like maybe lunch or breakfast with your side, and then dinner with his side. Nobody should be left out on Christmas. It causes a lot of hard feelings..

Quoting Novelidea:" Me, too. Never had to deal with back and forth bullsmurf. He needs to buck up and stick to the deal. ... [snip!] ... Not to mention making her leave all her new things right after she opens them because we need to be somewhere on time."

Yeah that's the part I hate. I don't wnat them to open their Christmas presents and then be like "Ok, now that you have seen them off we go!"

When I was a kid we all converged on my aunty's MASSIVE house and had a big family Christmas, but there were never any fathers around except for two of my cousins and they had them Christmas morning then dropped them off. Seemed easy to me.

Plus, I don't want to have to haul two young kids everywhere. I would have to get up on Christmas Day, make a nice Christmas breakfast, open presents, then get kids dressed and ready, put them in the pram, walk to mums, spend some time there then put them in a car where they will fall asleep from the excitement, listen to SOs mum bitch about how they are asleep and we might as well go home because she only wanted to see the kids anyway and I couldn't keep them awake for her and how inconsiderate is that, then have them be grumpy for awhile while SOs mum bitches about how grumpy they are and I must be a bad mum for not being able to control them, when her kids were younger they never acted this way blah blah blah then put them in a car to go home where they will be too excited and won't go to sleep until midnight.

God I hate Christmas.

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" SO is adamant we have to see his family on Christmas. When we first had LO because I was living with ... [snip!] ... We never had this problem when I was a kid cos I had a deadbeat for a father and to be honest, it made it a lot easier!"

I think you have the right idea. Breakfast with just you guys, lunch with your mum, and afternoon with his family. He needs to suck it up, you make the effort with his family so he should make the effort with yours. I know the feeling though, my family suck and SO doesn't get along with them, so I have to fight tooth and nail to get him to see them, whereas we live with his father and have his cousins/brothers/sister/aunties showing up daily at our house. Bloody maori families.

My DH and I have been together 10 years, married almost 4 and he is just now getting comfortable with the way my family celebrates holidays. He's not one to step out of his comfort zone. To be honest if we had the house for it, as you have said you do, everyone would come to us. It'll be easier on you and your kids and everyone will be able to see each other.

Quoting ℐ+ℳ=£:" I think you have the right idea. Breakfast with just you guys, lunch with your mum, and afternoon with ... [snip!] ... we live with his father and have his cousins/brothers/sister/aunties showing up daily at our house. Bloody maori families."

I'm just thankful I don't have any contact with my Maori side of the family I would be completely swamped on Christmas!

Quoting Momma Tee...:" My DH and I have been together 10 years, married almost 4 and he is just now getting comfortable with ... [snip!] ... have said you do, everyone would come to us. It'll be easier on you and your kids and everyone will be able to see each other. "

That's what I thought. But it's really hard cos SOs mum is remarried so SOs stepdads kids who are still in their teens come over as well as SOs stepdads sister and her kid and SOs stepdads mum. So it's like OMG why can't we just go see my mother for a few hours and you just shut up, drink your beer and eat a pie and shush!

i would just do what you want , sounds like your other half does what he wants and to hell with how you feel.
go to your mums in the morning - lunch , then if the kids fall asleep i would ring the inlaws and say the kids are sleeping and since you only want to see them ill come up when they are awake lol

i hate that people think they are more important than others , smurf its christmas , get over it , and if they bitch then say ok SO will be there at such a such time and you stay home or stay with your family

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" I'm just thankful I don't have any contact with my Maori side of the family I would be completely swamped on Christmas!"

I have no maori in me at all, and have like 9 relatives that I count as immediate family, so when SO and I first got together I was like   I could not believe how many relatives he has lol, he's got 2 brothers and a sister, two half brothers and a half sister, then there's the million cousins, aunties and uncles, it's insane. Christmas is a nightmare, luckily they're holding it at one of the Aunty's houses this year because screw entertaining and cleaning up after that lot with a new baby lol.

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" That's what I thought. But it's really hard cos SOs mum is remarried so SOs stepdads kids who are still ... [snip!] ... it's like OMG why can't we just go see my mother for a few hours and you just shut up, drink your beer and eat a pie and shush!"

That made me LOL. I don't know why they find it so hard  

Quoting Im watching you:" i would just do what you want , sounds like your other half does what he wants and to hell with how you ... [snip!] ... , get over it , and if they bitch then say ok SO will be there at such a such time and you stay home or stay with your family"

I have told SO that if he can't agree on anything, he can stay home and do whatever he wants or run to mummy's house while the boys and I are at my mums. And we will meet them there later. SOs mum thinks that we should be spending all the time at her place, and SOs stepdad thinks I'm in the right. But SOs mum doesn't have to worry about splitting up her kids for Christmas cos SOs dad lives on the other side of the world so how would she know? Plus, she's a selfish cow. A lovely lady, but a selfish cow.