I am so damn tired...

Of losing people.... Seriously, I'm sick of it.

Yesterday was 22 months since my son passed. I had a rough night/early morning. Tried to work it off. The kids and I played outside and took pictures. By the end of the evening, I was "okay".

And then, I got a phone call from a good friend saying that our friend didn't wake up that morning. His boyfriend woke up, noticed he wasn't breathing, performed CPR and called 911, but basically the doctors said it was too late. But they were giving him til today to see if there were any changes. I went up there last night. Spent about an hour in the ICU holding his chilly hand and wishing every good vibe I had in my body into him.... It was just like watching Seth in the ICU. All the machines, the artificial breathing of the life support...

And today, after more tests, the doctor "officially" pronounced him brain dead. It's just a matter of waiting for his parents to get there and decide when he's being taken off.

And I'm not writing this for the sympathy, I'm just trying to vent and get it out, because I can't anywhere else. Our other friends lean on me and I just feel like I'm breaking all over again. And I dunno, I mean how many times can you break like this? Every time you break, you lose a few little pieces. Eventually there's not much left.

I'm tired of losing people. I'm so, so, so tired of it.

I love you buddy. You were and are an amazing friend. I don't want you to go, but if you have to leave me then, love, I hope you sleep peacefully. <3

i'm sorry!!

I'm sorry. It's a horrible feeling.
IT's an awful, empty piece missing feeling. =/


I seriously know how you feel all to well. My entire life, I had never lost anyone close to me.. this last year I have lost 5 very special people. It's hard, and I know what you mean by being tired of it.

You cannot be everyones hero. You cannot. At some point you need to let it out, break down, allow yourself to actually grieve instead of trying to be the shoulder to cry on.

What you have gone through is enough to bring anyone to their knees. That doesn't mean that you are responsible for getting the rest of the world through tragedy.

I am so sorry for all of your loses.

i'm so sorry that has to be tough i know what it like to lose a friend i have lost many to drugs... but i'm a little confused what happened to him if you dont mind me asking i know you said he didnt wake up but was there a reason behind him not waking up

I can relate. I'm sorry for your losses. I had my cousin not wake up one morning she left a2 month dd. exactly one week later I get a message my nephew is in icu & will have to learn to walk again.   it hurts knowing what the lil girl will miss out on, her mother. &.the journey that my 19 year old is facing having to be dependable on people & learn to walk again.
Hang in there stay positive & spread positive energy even in the darkest times bc that's exactly what's needed.

That's my best advice.