If you love sex,advise PLEASE

If you are a woman who loves sex I need your advise. I very badly need some real help here. Please give me advice on what you would do if you are a woman who likes sex and were in my situation. If this happened to you…what would you do. because this is what I am going through. And I am at such a loss. I am sorry this is so long but I need help.

OK imagine that you had given up on having a family because you were hitting 30 and had never found Mr. Right. Then out of the blue just before your 30th Birthday you meet an amazing man. The two of you fall in love like a fairy tale. You both live in different towns so you both look forward to the weekends when you spend every moment together, spending your days together with fun adventures, and nights with amazing dinners, and making love often.(often for people who can’t see each other more than 2 days a week, sometimes less) You are both so happy that you finally found the love of you life the ONE!

Then you get pregnant. Sooner than you hoped but you both love each other so much that you are both happy with the news. You choose to have a wedding after the baby is born. You move in with him in his town. It is so amazing because he works from home and he asks you to quit your job to be a home maker in “his” home so you get to spend a lot of time together.

Now you are together more than 2 days a week. And your love is just as strong as ever, everything is just as good as ever. But the sex that was only 1 or 2 days a week is now becoming less. You really want it to be more… much much more. You are not showing and the baby is not why… he just has excuse after excuse. Like I am not in the mood, I am tired excuse until you finally get couples therapy. Because he says he just has no sex drive.

In therapy it is uncovered he has some mental healthy issue that makes him not want to have sex… he has NO sex drive. His parts work but he just dose not want to.

(at first he just he made him self)

Moving on to a few years into the relationship and it is totally sexless. Not just missing sex but all intimacy. It is like raising a baby with my Dad or brother. No hugs or touching.

We talk about the issue often but he still can’t change and won't have sex with me. Now I am in a sad sad relation ship with some one I LOVE very very much but who refuses to do anything more than give me a peck kiss.

All we can get from Drs is that he needs a lot of therapy, he has something wrong with him that makes him not want sex. it could be years and years of therapy. But he hardly goes to the therapy, sometimes he says we can’t afford it some times he forgot…. Excuses
Now I am sad lonely and want to make love to him very badly I beg him sometimes he never ever will give in.


OK thanks for reading…. What would you do if you liked to have sex and the man you love refused for years and you know he will probably never changes… if he dose change it will not be for many more years.

I couldn't handle that. I love the feeling of being emotionally, physically close to my SO.

I would leave.
I understand you love him but sex is a very important part of he relationship and if he won't even do it for you then that's smurfed up and selfish on his end.
Now that I'm pregnant I have no sex drive bbut I still do it for SO. (I used to be the one begging for it all the time lol)

has he tried taking something for it ??? i couldnt handle something like this i get mad if my DH gets sick like he is right now because he wont kiss me or sleep in our bed until hes better so i dont get sick.. i'm sorry your going threw something like this

Well you really only have a few options. You can either stay with the guy and give up sex. You can find someone new who is happy to have a bunch of sex, or you could try seeing if your hubby is willing to open up your relationship if the sex stuff grosses him out.

I'm so sorry   That has to be a hard position to be in, I have no idea what I'd dp. Probably a lot of masturbating haha. And I feel bad for him too. I hope he does the therapy. Yeah I can't imagine, I honestly get grumpy with DH if we go a few days without having sex because I need that intimacy and closeness.

And there is no prescription that they can give him? Have you looked this up to see if you find any other info on it?

Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" I couldn't handle that. I love the feeling of being emotionally, physically & close to my SO."

That's exactly what I'm thinking. If there were other ways to have intimacy besides sex, I'd say MAYBE I could deal with it. I'm dealing way better with my fiance wanting less sex than I do than I did with my ex husband in a similar situation... because we have intimacy in other ways. But if he cut me off altogether?? I couldn't deal with that. No way, no how. My marriage went downhill fast (and slowly died) from very early on because his lack of interest and treating me like I was just someone to cook and clean and take care of the kids made me despise him eventually. I ended up emotionally cheating because THAT is what I needed...even more than the sex, I needed to feel connected to someone.

If he is unwilling to do therapy and stick with it, unwilling to even TRY to be intimate, then I'd say he basically led you on and lied to you throughout your early relationship. Kind of a bait and switch. He made you think he liked sex and then once he had you every day, he felt free to cut you off. That's not right.

I don't know... I personally couldn't live with a man who felt more like a friend than a partner. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but intimacy is.

yeah that would be really hard I don't know what I would do. my husband goes out of state for his job every other day. he spends 2 days in a hotel in Illinois and 10 hours at home here in Indiana until he gets call the take another train out. we are intimatly together probably 4 times a month but he really does work hard and I have to young kids. we get to cuddle and kisss each other and we hang out as much as possible. I say you give up your personal happiness for his disorder. he should at some point give in and at least hug kiss snuggle up on the couch watching a movie together let you lay in h is arms or something. this is why some people cheat. I personally commend you if you haven't.

Quoting The TTC Queen Bee:" I'm so sorry   That has to be a hard position to be in, I have no idea what I'd dp. Probably a lot of ... [snip!] ... can't imagine, I honestly get grumpy with DH if we go a few days without having sex because I need that intimacy and closeness."

This is honestly the hardest decesion of my life, I mean I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone. But I am 32 and I don't want to be sexless for ever. And if he is not even trying very hard to get help then I feel I have to leave.

But I also feel so lucky to know him, to have had this type of love in my life. I was maried once when in was in my 20 and that love was nothing not at all like this.

I cry about 3 days a week over this.

Quoting applelove:" This is honestly the hardest decesion of my life, I mean I love him more than I ever thought I could ... [snip!] ... I was maried once when in was in my 20 and that love was nothing not at all like this. I cry about 3 days a week over this."

Aw   I would definitely try counseling together and separately and explain to him that if he is not working to help your marriage then you cannot stay.

Quoting applelove:" This is honestly the hardest decesion of my life, I mean I love him more than I ever thought I could ... [snip!] ... I was maried once when in was in my 20 and that love was nothing not at all like this. I cry about 3 days a week over this."

Have you told him that you're thinking of leaving him if he doesn't start having sex with you?

Quoting ~*Flibbertigibbet*~:" That's exactly what I'm thinking. If there were other ways to have intimacy besides sex, I'd say MAYBE ... [snip!] ... couldn't live with a man who felt more like a friend than a partner. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but intimacy is. "

He did not lead me on on purpose. He did not know he had this issue. he surfed a serious trauma about a year before we met and that is what triggered this low sex drive thing. And he was single up till he met me. And I think since he did not have the sex drive he could not tell that it was low.

But he knows now, and he has for a long time. he is just not getting help. I have told him since I love him so much I will stay as long as he is working on it. You know talking to dr's going to therapy ect.

But he is not working on it any more IMO

Quoting Stephanie Vetor:" yeah that would be really hard I don't know what I would do. my husband goes out of state for his job ... [snip!] ... a movie together let you lay in h is arms or something. this is why some people cheat. I personally commend you if you haven't."

I have asked him for small steps like when the baby is naping I will say hey if you can't get in the mood then can we just have that time to hug or just turn off the tv and phones and maybe just give back rubs or something and he always says OK but it will never ever happen.

I remember one time before I was pregnat he was in the shower and I made the room all nice by lighing candles and got massage lotions and all that out and put on my sexy outfit.

Then wehn he got out he got dressed! I said no I have planned somthing special for you. Please undress. He was so mad and even yelled at me for trying to help him undress.

But he did take of his top and i gave him a nice long massage and he did get aroused and then I tried to take his pants off and move on to making love and he got mad and pushed me away.

This was eraly on... before I was pregnat. I remember I asked him if he was Gay the next day or if he had been molested or somthing. Not long later he said he did not know what was wrong because he had never been like this before.

He told me he always had a lot of sex with all his ex's and then therapy we found it was from his tramatic accedent he was in about a year before we meet.

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" Have you told him that you're thinking of leaving him if he doesn't start having sex with you?"

a few times