I'm just not cut out for Christianity.

Ok so I'm going to apologize in advance if this doesn't make sense. Lol.

I tried typing this out before, but the computer keyboard crapped out and I lost everything.

　

I feel bad lately. I don't think I'm cut out to be a Christian, I really don't. I've tried and tried, but I just can't do it.

I grew up in a very religious family and I was a good Christian girl for a while. When I became an adult I started questioning everything. A lot of things in Christianity didn't make sense and I didn't agree with a lot of what was being taught, so I left for a while. I just recently came back to it to try again.

I'm doing a really bad job. I have sex A LOT and I'm not married. I don't feel like it's wrong so I don't repent. I have a dirty mind. I cuss. I hold grudges, etc.

I don't feel like I'm doing wrong, though. Even though I'm told over and over again that it is wrong. I don't want to change how I think and act, because then I wouldn't be me and I wouldn't be happy if I couldn't be who I truly am.

I also question a lot of things about Christianity, especially the concept that only true Christians go to Heaven. I have tried to change how I feel about this, but I can't. I feel that this is highly unfair and that everyone should go to Heaven if they are a good person. And how can God be a loving God if he tosses his children into fire? I even secretly think that everyone goes to Heaven or someplace like it.

Back when I was out of Christianity, I used Tarot cards a lot. I have several decks and I can't seem to part with them. They're beautiful and I don't want to get rid of them. I don't see anything wrong with them either, but again I'm told they're bad.

I hear over and over again that if you're a true Christian, you'll want to change how you live and think. I don't want to change. I like me the way I am. And by what I hear, that means I'm not a true Christian and I'm going to Hell.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm headed for Hell and I can't help it. It scares me to death. But I'm honestly not happy with trying and trying. I feel like I need some help or advice.

At this point I feel like saying smurf it and leaving Christianity again. But I can't get it out of my head that I'm headed for Hell. I honestly feel like it's like brainwashing. I don't know.  


Thank you for reading this, if you did. I know it's long. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to write a book, lol.

Quoting Minion:" Ok so I'm going to apologize in advance if this doesn't make sense. Lol. I tried typing this out before, ... [snip!] ... I don't know.   Thank you for reading this, if you did. I know it's long. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to write a book, lol."

Maybe you should be a pagan ;)

It is brainwashing, imo. I could never be a christian. lol I'm sorry that you're having issues with it, and I hope you find peace soon.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Maybe you should be a pagan ;)"

Ah yes, this.  

Believe whatever you want and do whatever you want. As long as you're following YOUR OWN morals you'll be fine  
It sounds to me like you're a good person.
A lot of people kind of bend and tweak things of certain religions to their own beliefs.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Maybe you should be a pagan ;)"

I was for over a year!   Nicest bunch of people you'd ever meet! I honestly think about going back every now and again.

Quoting Minion:" I was for over a year!   Nicest bunch of people you'd ever meet! I honestly think about going back every now and again."

Sometimes certain religions don't fit you  . Paganism might just be your calling in life.

Quoting Kayla [ ]♥:" It is brainwashing, imo. I could never be a christian. lol I'm sorry that you're having issues with it, and I hope you find peace soon."

Thank you.
Some days like today I feel strongly that Christianity is all brainwashing.

Quoting Will☮Creedence:" Believe whatever you want and do whatever you want. As long as you're following YOUR OWN morals you'll ... [snip!] ... to me like you're a good person. A lot of people kind of bend and tweak things of certain religions to their own beliefs."

Thank you.  

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Sometimes certain religions don't fit you  . Paganism might just be your calling in life."

It might be. I've always been interested in stuff like it. The main reason I left it was because I was getting so much crap from my parents that they were going to take away DD because it was devil worship. My mom stopped talking to me except to threaten to take away DD. SO didn't know how to explain my religion to people when they asked why I wasn't in church with him. Then he was judged for staying with me. It was a huge mess. And then the thoughts that I was going to hell creeped in my head   I was pretty happy while I was Pagan.

there is so much smurfed up smurf and contradictions in religion, i don;t know how anyone can believe in it but that's just my opinion. you shouldn't have to try to be anything but yourself. if you're not feeling it, don't push yourself. the bible does not set THE moral code for everyone, only for those that want to go by it so you do what you feel is right for you. i feel that i don't need a higher power to make good choices in life, all i need is common sense and to believe in myself. i hope some of this made sense..

Quoting Minion:" It might be. I've always been interested in stuff like it. The main reason I left it was because I was ... [snip!] ... It was a huge mess. And then the thoughts that I was going to hell creeped in my head   I was pretty happy while I was Pagan."

First off they would have no grounds to seize your kids for a different religion lol. And second they would not go to your parents anyway.

The main reason I don't follow Christianity or many other religions is due to my inability to believe that there is a hell. I do believe in an afterlife but I don't believe anyone goes to hell. I believe that evil is a human flaw but that our spiritual selves are pure. I believe we live human lives to learn lessons and to evolve our spiritual selves. I also believe in reincarnation.......we will live many lives in this world until our spiritual selves are completely evolved.

I have weirdo beliefs, I'm aware of that  

Quoting ॐ:" there is so much smurfed up smurf and contradictions in religion, i don;t know how anyone can believe in ... [snip!] ... power to make good choices in life, all i need is common sense and to believe in myself. i hope some of this made sense.."

Thank you. It did make sense.  

I grew up Pentecostal for the first 18 years of my life.
I think "will I ever go back?" and I'm like... gah, no. I feel the same way as you- I started questioning EVERYthing. It just doesn't make sense to me and I'll never go back. I know that I can never put THAT much faith into something that cannot be proven accurate.

Good luck!