That being said, I would either have my husband talk to his mother and let her know that she needs to either keep her mouth shut or not be part of her grandchilds life at all. There is no excuse for her poisoning his daughter against you.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I dont think it's a big deal, either. My dad is super handicapped, so I started doing laundry for EVERYONE when I was younger than that. "

I thought it was normal to do laundry that young, lol. All of my friends did. I'm a bit mindsmurfed that I'm even having this conversation, to be honest. I got lucky and only had to do my own but I had friends who shared the responsibility of all household laundry with their mother.

And seriously, one-two loads of laundry a week is so minimal...

Quoting MyMonkeysNAMEisFINGERS:" I thought it was normal to do laundry that young, lol. All of my friends did. I'm a bit mindsmurfed ... [snip!] ... responsibility of all household laundry with their mother. And seriously, one-two loads of laundry a week is so minimal... "

I agree. You pick up your clothes.....put them in the machine....pour in some soap, close the lid....and push a button.

Doing dishes is ok, but laundry is not? Dishes seems more dangerous to me, and I full expect my 8 year old step son to help with that a couple days a week.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I agree. You pick up your clothes.....put them in the machine....pour in some soap, close the lid....and ... [snip!] ... is not? Dishes seems more dangerous to me, and I full expect my 8 year old step son to help with that a couple days a week. "

I put the soap before the clothes. You're different from me. I don't like you.  

Im reading a book right now and one of the things it talks about it expecting a child to act older then they actually are, it really seems like you are expecting "K" to be much older then 8, come on now her mother left her, and now she has a step mom who is currently separated from her father, I bet she feels very lonely and is clingly onto the only thing that gives her comfort, I would look for outlets for her, I would focus less on the grandma issues or the lap issues and focus on what make "K" happy and holds her interest dancing, writing, signing, running? Children can "good" when treated good, she will be well rounded when her life is well rounded.
And no I wouldnt stop letting her go to her grandma she seems like she has already lost enough.

Quoting MyMonkeysNAMEisFINGERS:" I put the soap before the clothes. You're different from me. I don't like you.  "

*gasp* you dirty ho!

I think people don't expect enough out of their kids these days - in general. I am sure there are people who make their kids do chores, but I see way too many people saying they don't expect any help what so ever. I believe it's part of being a family, you pitch in, you have stuff you need to do. Hell, my 3 year old can keep his room tidy and bring his own clothes hamper out to the laundry every few days. He also sweeps his eating area, helps mommy put clothes from the washer to the dryer, he likes drying the plastic plates for me when I do dishes.....he LOVES vacuuming, he's weird, lol

And I know what it's like trying to ask step-kids to do chores, I have 3 of them - 8, 6 and almost 2 and their mother passed away, they have the same emotional issues. It's not easy OP, but I know what your step-daughter is going through. There are some things that you just need to let go of like her sitting on her dads lap. Our girls are extremely attached to their daddy, sometimes it gets annoying because it interrupts other family functions like getting dinner around (since he cooks) and that, but you pick your battles and thats not one thats worth fighting.

I just have to say that I feel like the nicest mom ever right now. I don't make my children help with the dishes or laundry... they help me fold towels sometimes but I usually redo it (7.5 and almost 6). Might be my OCD though, cuz I don't even like it when my hsuband does those things. My boys are expected to keep their room clean, clear their dishes after meals, and put dirty clothes into the hamper... they're kids for pete's sake! They help with the dog too (feeding, watering, occasionally picking up the poop). They can do chores when they're pre-teen/teenagers.

Quoting Mrs.Mud:" I just have to say that I feel like the nicest mom ever right now. I don't make my children help with ... [snip!] ... with the dog too (feeding, watering, occasionally picking up the poop). They can do chores when they're pre-teen/teenagers."

Work ethic starts early - you are going to have one hell of a time getting them to do anything by the time they are pre-teens / teens - you are not doing them any favors.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" Work ethic starts early - you are going to have one hell of a time getting them to do anything by the time they are pre-teens / teens - you are not doing them any favors. "

That's not necessarily true...

Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" That's not necessarily true... "

How so?

You don't expect anything out of your child and then BAM, they hit 13 and you expect them to start doing stuff around the house? Yeah, good luck with that. Yes, work ethic starts early. You learn that being part of the family means helping out and doing what needs to be done, and you take that with you into adulthood.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" Work ethic starts early - you are going to have one hell of a time getting them to do anything by the time they are pre-teens / teens - you are not doing them any favors. "

She seems like she has gives her children what is age appropriated for them, and she leads by example im sure, by taking care of ones home and self and by involving kids in that but not setting them up for failure or demanding them to do so is actually setting them to be strong teens and adults.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" How so? You don't expect anything out of your child and then BAM, they hit 13 and you expect them ... [snip!] ... that being part of the family means helping out and doing what needs to be done, and you take that with you into adulthood. "

You shouldn't have to expect them to do things. I don't expect my 4 year old to put her plate in the sink after dinner, but she does.

Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" She seems like she has gives her children what is age appropriated for them, and she leads by example ... [snip!] ... in that but not setting them up for failure or demanding them to do so is actually setting them to be strong teens and adults. "

I don't consider those chore, though. Those are just things you have to do, it's part of daily life.

Quoting Smokey_Taboo:" She seems like she has gives her children what is age appropriated for them, and she leads by example ... [snip!] ... in that but not setting them up for failure or demanding them to do so is actually setting them to be strong teens and adults. "

I don't consider those chore, though. Those are just things you have to do, it's part of daily life.

Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" You shouldn't have to expect them to do things. I don't expect my 4 year old to put her plate in the sink after dinner, but she does."

Well thats just silly. Of course I expect my child to put his plate in the sink. Thats what we do - I do it, dad does it, siblings do it, if he didn't, I would tell him to because thats whats expected in our house. Why shouldn't you expect things out of your children? O-o