re: OFFICIAL JULY 2013 THREAD (pt. 2)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Bunni♥15weeks:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting •mommy of 4•:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Bunni♥15weeks:</b>" ... [snip!] ... newborn cloth diapers today and I am so excited!!  "</blockquote> Awesome! How long did it take you to find it?"</blockquote>



Not long at all actually! Maybe 5 minutes! I found it almost exactly where the dr did on Thursday!  
Baby is high up, right under my belly button!

I honestly don't "feel" pregnant. At this point with my other kids, I really felt pregnant....this time, I am substantially smaller, and I have zero....anything. I just...I don't feel pregnant. My health has gone to smurf, as expected...my pregnancies have all been really hard on me physically, but...I don't feel pregnant. Just like I've had a string of being sick. I honestly have a really hard time even imagining that at the end of all this there will be a baby. The only other successful pregnancy I've had that I was this...I don't know the right word, maybe disconnected? from, was with my daughter, but I never doubted that there would be a baby at the end of it. I can't imagine myself holding him/her, I can't imagine baby stuff in my house again...it all just seems like it isn't really happening, I don't feel like I am pregnant.

I'm really scared that I'm going to have a hard time bonding with the baby since, logically, I know that a pregnancy means a baby. Logically, I know there is someone in there...but mainly because I've seen it a few times now. Like, I seriously feel like, had I not seen the baby on the ultrasounds, I would think the pregnancy test had been wrong. I'm so scared I'm going to feel this disconnected from it once it's here, like I'm not going to have that maternal rush that I had with my other kids....I felt close to them, bonded to them, from the minute I found out I was pregnant. This time, it all just seems like some passing phase, nothing permanent.

My personal life is a wreck right now, and god sometimes I even hate myself for it.I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix any of it, and I'm so scared. This is just the tip of the iceberg...

Elle: *tight hug* I kinda know what you're going through... we planned this baby... but part of me never even wanted another... I just agreed to another because hubby wanted another and we had agreed to two children before we even got married.

It's freaking me out how disconnected I am from this one also... I was so excited for DD and so in love. This time... I often forget about it and don't even really imagine it or anything... >_<

I'm sorry your personal life is crazy, I hope it resolves soon. *hug*

Quoting Mðmmå Çhï¢lꆆê~ 16wks:" Elle: *tight hug* I kinda know what you're going through... we planned this baby... but part of me never ... [snip!] ... don't even really imagine it or anything... >_< I'm sorry your personal life is crazy, I hope it resolves soon. *hug*"

I wish I could fix it, any of it. Hell, I wish I could even smurfing talk about it. 98% of what's bothering me, I can't even talk about. Everything is going to hell.

I'm sorry... you can PM me if you want. *hug*

Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:" I honestly don't "feel" pregnant. At this point with my other kids, I really felt pregnant....this time, ... [snip!] ... for it.I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix any of it, and I'm so scared. This is just the tip of the iceberg..."

I'm so sorry you are going through whatever it is you are going through. *hugs*
I can totally relate to the disconnect you are feeling. I felt the same at times with this pregnancy and my last. That all changed when I found out what we were having and started feeling movements. I really hope things get better in your life. I really mean that.

Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:" I honestly don't "feel" pregnant. At this point with my other kids, I really felt pregnant....this time, ... [snip!] ... for it.I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix any of it, and I'm so scared. This is just the tip of the iceberg..."

Don't feel bad. I felt the same way with my first and honestly I did feel a bit disconnected when she was born, but I didn't get to see her until she was 16 hours or so old or hold her until she was 29 hours old. I'm hoping that had something to do with it. So far I don't feel any more connected to this one. I know there is a baby in there, I know that when it's over with I will be bringing a new baby home, but at the same time I seriously cannot wrap my head around it. I know if anything were to happen I would be heartbroken, and that I will love this baby just the same when he/she gets here. For now though it just doesn't seem real.

<blockquote><b>Quoting AmyOrangeMama:</b>" I'm so sorry you are going through whatever it is you are going through. *hugs* I can totally relate ... [snip!] ... found out what we were having and started feeling movements. I really hope things get better in your life. I really mean that. "</blockquote>

I really thought once I started feeling it move I would feel something for it, I have tried so hard to convince myself I do..
but I'm just ambivalent...to the point I have very seriously thought of what life would be like if we gave the baby up for adoption
I know Chris would never go for it, but if its going to come, I think it should come to people who are excited. Even under perfect circumstances I don't know that it could be me in no more time than there is left...but with the other circumstances surrounding me right now...God I'm confused. I don't know what to feel or think or anything
I'm so confused. So. smurfing. scared.

<blockquote><b>Quoting susanesque:</b>" I can't wait to order diapers!   Gotta wait until next month, though. Boo. What did you cloth ladies ... [snip!] ... cloth ladies start your stash with? I've got a list *somewhere* but I'm trying to kinda finalize it before I pick anything out."</blockquote>




I got alotof BUm genius
I got the organilc AIO and i have to admit i love them, buti dont like how they sit in the pee. I lve prefolds and covers now. Much easier and you can resue a cover if its clean and can get the cover alot cleaner before you put it in the wet bag

Quoting *Lindsey*(18 weeks):" <blockquote><b>Quoting meggymama:</b>" What pump are you getting? I have three   ... [snip!] ... my last daughter which worked perfectly fine, I'd just rather not do it manually if I can find an electric that does a good job"

I think thats what mine is, its a single battery or mains powered pump, It got me through the 4 months i managed to combi feed for and after my supply stopped at 4 weeks I got it going again with that   it does have a really strong suctions so be sure to start slow and work up to it. it can be noisy but its very comfy and i didnt get any soreness with it  

<blockquote><b>Quoting Elle With Three &1/2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting AmyOrangeMama:</b>" I'm so sorry you are going through whatever ... [snip!] ... me right now...God I'm confused. I don't know what to feel or think or anything I'm so confused. So. smurfing. scared."</blockquote>


I feel the same way. I know i will love my baby when its born. But im so paranoid that my midwife who is super worried for some reason about my daughters chromosome abnormality wants me to get all this testing and i keep just assuming this baby will have problems too. Its making it hard for me. I know with my 3rd i felt similar but closer to end i got more excited and was ready to have a boy and stuff and when he came out it was instant love. It was just him and I in the hospital bonding and it was great. My mommy vacation lol. Im looking forward to the same thing this time. And even in the beginning i broughgt up adoption too and chris told me no way. We kept our first despite being in a WORSe situation we are now. And he said he couldnt give away one of them when we kept the others. If that makes sense, its early my brain is still loading. Lol just give it time, you may even feel that way slightly after birth. All these hormones make us very unstable lol   goodluck hun. Know your not alone though!

I cannot attach to this baby, I cant allow myself to accept that its going to be OK, I am 16 weeks tommorrw and the only time i can think about it being a baby in the real world is when i can see it on a scan or hear its HB apart from that i just cant do it.I think im gettign some kicks and prods but im too scared to accept those as being kicks because i am scared its not.

Quoting susanesque:" I noticed yesterday that mine are leaking. They started leaking at 17 weeks with Ava and now, 17 weeks ... [snip!] ... aren't like... incessantly dripping or anything like that, though. Nothing comes out unless I'm in the shower or I squeeze one."

I was laying on my back without a shirt or anything and felt a sudden rush lol. They've been pretty consistent about leaking the last few days now. And they are so sore... 

As far as feeling disconnected goes...

When I had DS, it took me at least 6 months to actually come around to him. I held him, fed him, all that, but I never had the feeling of "I just always want you in my arms." I don't know if it was mild PPD or what.

After I had him, they took him away for around an hour because he inhaled fluid and wasn't breathing very well. When they brought him back, they whisked him away 5 mins later saying his temperature was too low and didn't bring him back for 2 more hours.

By then I was in the postpartum room and could barely move. My left arm was bruised from top to bottom from having blood drawn. My right arm had the IV stuck in it since I was GBS+. I could barely hold my own baby and it killed me.  

My biggest fear is that since it was so hard for me to bond with him, that it's going to be worse when these two get here. I'm pretty much guaranteed a c-section so recovery from that is a bit daunting. I'm just worried about not getting the proper time to bond with each of them.

Quoting Mðmmå Çhï¢lꆆê~ 16wks:" My anatomy scan is Mar 5th... fingers crossed for a penis!!!"

Mine is the 1st...but im not finding out. Hoping for a penis though lol