Forums > Sex & RelationshipsPage 1 2by: Lucas'Mama

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posted 1st Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 1st Dec
Why aren't you having sex? And masterbation is a normal thing and shouldn't be something he gets in "trouble" for? Also if he isn't cheating and you keep causing him, you might cause big problems for you guys. (If your already getting in trouble for it might as well do it.)
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I'm due June 6th, have 1 child & live in Charlotte, North Carolina
posted 1st Dec
All I can really say is....I know how you feel. When DH and I first got together, he lied. He talked to women behind my back, saw his ex girlfriend, etc. It took me over a year to get over all of it. The only reason I did give him a second chance is because he was in rehab for 9 months and I knew he was getting cleaning and ready to start over. Luckily, we haven't had any issues with him and other women since he got out last July and we got married. But....He has told me some little lies that I ALWAYS catch him in, which makes me find it hard to trust him...even after I worked so hard to do so.

At this moment, I don't trust him. We are both working on it, together, but...I know how you feel, girl. If you wanna talk, PM me! (:
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I have 1 child & live in Arkansas
posted 1st Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 1st Dec
Eek sorry you aren't healing so well   and I completely can understand how you feel about lies I can't stand lying either. I think you should just have a rational talk with him and express your concerns and reason behind them etc. Communication is the key to success in a relationship. Good luck  
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I'm due June 6th, have 1 child & live in Charlotte, North Carolina
posted 1st Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 1st Dec
I'm sorry   I know how you feel though..it's such an smurf feeling.  
quotesmurfs?
I have 2 kids & live in Iran
posted 1st Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 2nd Dec
I just started trusting DH after three years of not trusting him. It's hard. And it does hurt to find out they are watching porn when they say they don't. I understand that.   I hope things get better for you.
quotesmurfs?
I'm due December 15th, have 1 child & live in Kentucky
posted 2nd Dec
Simply from what I read, he probably lied about the porn BECAUSE he knows how you feel about it. So he has to cover his ass so you don't get upset about him doing something completely normal. I mean, you're not having sex...So what is he supposed to do?? At least he's doing that and he's NOT out trying to find someone else to sleep with. At least he's taking care of things on his own instead of cheating.

So basically, just because he lied about the porn, that doesn't mean he's lying about everything else or hiding something. It simply means he knows it bothers you so he tried to hide it to spare your feelings.

That said, if you can't bring yourself to trust him, then you really need to evaluate whether you should be in the relationship at all. A relationship without trust is doomed to fail.
quotesmurfs?
I live in Helena, Montana
posted 2nd Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 2nd Dec
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I have 1 child & live in Auckland, New Zealand
posted 2nd Dec
Quoting ℐ+ℳ=£:" Thanks love. I hope so too. How did you learn to trust him again? Did you just think, screw it, he's gonna do what he's gonna do regardless of whether I'm suspicious or not?"

It just took a lot of time and him not doing anything. Plus he gave me his Facebook password and that helped TONS. I know all of his passwords, but I don't ever get on his stuff. Idk what happened, honestly. I just started trusting him again. He's matured a lot recently.
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I'm due December 15th, have 1 child & live in Kentucky
posted 2nd Dec
Quoting ℐ+ℳ=£:" SO and I have been together for almost two years and have a 5 week old baby together. We moved in together ... [snip!] ... at the moment. Sorry if this is really rambling and incoherent, my 5 week old was a ratbag last night and I'm exhausted  "


Porn is something people should always discuss before marriage or entering into a serious relationship.
Some people are ok with it in their relationship some are not. For me, I am not ok with porn. I have religious reasons why that are important to me, but I have non religious reasons why aswell.
I think you should come to him and talk to him about it. Now I will say him watching porn does not mean he doesn't find you attractive or anything like that. It's just something guys like to masturbate too because they are visual.. and it's really tempting for them. (aswell as women.)
Some advice on the porn would be, don't yell at him over it! He probably lies and hides it because he's ashamed and doesn't want you to get upset with him. I would sit with him and ask him if he's seriously willing to stop his porn habits.. If he says yes, then I would suggest looking online and doing alot of research on temptations with porn and how to help and all that. Come up with a plan with him. A plan where if he gets the temptation to look at porn he has a back up plan.. something planned to do instead when those temptations arrise. It might take awhile.. but be supportive and talk to him about how it's important he is open.
If he says he's not willing to give up porn then you need to decide if you can stay in the relationship.

Now about the flirting with other women, that needs to stop... I would really reccomend counseling. I would start having some heart to heart talks with him. Write does some questions and whatnot to talk to him about and let him know he needs to respect you... if he's flirting with other women that way he's not respecting you.
quotesmurfs?
I have 2 kids & live in Maryland
posted 2nd Dec
Quoting EnnaBennaBanana:" Porn is something people should always discuss before marriage or entering into a serious relationship. ... [snip!] ... to him about and let him know he needs to respect you... if he's flirting with other women that way he's not respecting you."

   
All of this is really good advice.
quotesmurfs?
I'm due December 15th, have 1 child & live in Kentucky
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