Forums > Sex & RelationshipsPage 1 2 3 4by: doors33

re: deleted

posted 1st Dec

Quoting FroggysMommy:" Any girl that gets with a guy that has kids and says smurf like what she said.... not wanting them around ... [snip!] ... that before you dicked around with a dude with kids. His first obligation is to them, then to his new child, then to his SO."

And you never say or think things out of pure frustration that you know you shouldn't? I didn't realize you were so perfect.

quote smurfs?

I have 2 kids & live in Alpharetta, Georgia

more about Drunk Blair Waldorf

EnnaBennaBanana

6155 posts

parentank ignore

posted 1st Dec

He has other kids and your going to have to get used to it. Why would you take out the mothers actions on these other children?? Yeah, it may be hard.. but you knew he had other kids when you got together with him. You need to grow up.. and realize YOU saying you don't want your children around these kids is wrong. His other children WILL be your childs half siblings. And you need to treat them as your own if you are having a fam with him.

I have a half sister. My mom divorced her first husband because he was abusive and she married my dad and my dad totally accepted my sister and raised her as his own (she was 4 when my parents met) Then my parents had my brother and I. My sis and I grew up so close and I never knew she was my half sister till I was older.
Do the right thing here...

quote

I have 2 kids & live in Maryland

more about EnnaBennaBanana

Never too late

153 posts

parentank ignore

posted 1st Dec

Quoting doors33:" I know it's not easy on him... he's pretty stressed out too with it all... And thank you for actually ... [snip!] ... lot of these thoughts come from an overdoes of hormones that I'm just not used to... But no... it's not easy... not at all
Its okay we have all been through the hormones. My SO and I got pregnant very early in our relationship too. But we were friends ahead of time. But do what I did find the one thing in your pregnancy that makes you feel better about the situation. It can be a very selfish idea or whatever. But I recommend keeping the thought to yourself. Fot example everytime SO's ex bashes me I just think to myself she is just a jelous b**** because she gave him 4 girls and I was the one to finally give him the boy he always wanted. Of course this is part of the reason she bashes me. Swears that this baby can not be SO's because he is a boy. Even turned his family against us. So trust me I do understand the whole tired of being bashed thing. Keep your head up and enjoy your pregnancy and don't let her get to you too much.

quote

I live in Bellevue, Nebraska

more about Never too late

Mother of amazing kids257 posts

parentank ignore

posted 1st Dec

You have to think about how he is feeling, it's not right to make him feel as tho he has to pick you or his kids. I understand this is your first kid but he has other kids as well and the other kids need to be in his life also. It's wrong what his ex is doing to him I have to go though it also my ex husband got a gf and from the start had my kids call her mom, now that girl isn't in my kids life anymore but his is still trying to make them think she is coming back. He only did it because he was and is still trying to hurt me for leaving him. Which is why she is now acting the same way to him to make him unhappy and his life harder. If you push him away from his kids he will one either give up on them or two leave you and I'm sure you really don't want either of those to happen.

quote

I have 3 kids & live in Arizona

more about Mother of amazing kids

FroggysMommy

23852 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" And you never say or think things out of pure frustration that you know you shouldn't? I didn't realize you were so perfect."

I'm not perfect, but talking like that about my SO's kids is something unimaginable to me. If he ever said that about my daughter... yeah hed be gone. If she cant stand the kid, leave so the father can be with someone that DOES like his kids.

quote

I have 1 child & live in Golden, Colorado

more about FroggysMommy

Drunk Blair Waldorf

17370 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Quoting FroggysMommy:" I'm not perfect, but talking like that about my SO's kids is something unimaginable to me. If he ever ... [snip!] ... my daughter... yeah hed be gone. If she cant stand the kid, leave so the father can be with someone that DOES like his kids."

She's never MET his kids. She's saying that she doesn't want to meet them. She doesn't want to like them. She doesn't want to get attached to them. Because their mom's a smurf and the kids have actually said they want nothing to do with her unborn son. And she's even said she doesn't think this way all the time and that she knows it's wrong to think this way, she's just super frustrated about the situation. She came on here to vent and to get some support. So those of us who gave her what she was looking for, told her to give the kids a chance and to kill them with kindness and let the KIDS decide how they feel after meeting her. We think the kids are being fed negative information from their mother.

So YOU might not think that way about your SO's kid, but maybe there's some other situation where you have negative thoughts towards someone you shouldn't. It happens to all of us. She was honest and posted it to get advice on how to deal with the situation. She's not a smurf for being human.

quote smurfs?

I have 2 kids & live in Alpharetta, Georgia

more about Drunk Blair Waldorf

StrangeChick8 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

<blockquote><b>Quoting sealionsarah:</b>" Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do..."</blockquote> Def. I agree. Some pretty harsh words about his family not existing when you said yourself you knew he had the kids when you got together. You brought what your feeling on yourself. His other kids didn't do anything to you. It sucks that his bm is causing problems and she sounds immature but you sound worse.

quote

I live in Canton, Ohio

more about StrangeChick

StrangeChick8 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

quote

I live in Canton, Ohio

more about StrangeChick

StrangeChick8 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

<blockquote><b>Quoting iLL-Legal Alien:</b>" Has he taken her to court for custody? He should be keeping track of every text, call and any effort ... [snip!] ... no custody agreement, she's going to keep doing this and get away with it. He needs a custody agreement from the courts."</blockquote>

quote

I live in Canton, Ohio

more about StrangeChick

EnnaBennaBanana

6155 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" She's never MET his kids. She's saying that she doesn't want to meet them. She doesn't want to like ... [snip!] ... to all of us. She was honest and posted it to get advice on how to deal with the situation. She's not a smurf for being human."

I understand her being frustrated with the mother of these children. But these children have alot going on in their life too... their dad is with a new girl.. alot of kids don't WANT to get close to a new parent figure.. it's hard. She is the adult and needs to be the bigger person, and accept the children as her own.. esp if she got with this guy KNOWING he had other children. I totally understand her need to vent and all that... but her venting should be more aimed at the mother not these children.

quote smurfs?

I have 2 kids & live in Maryland

more about EnnaBennaBanana

~*Flibbertigibbet*~

821 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

I can understand being frustrated with the ex. I get really irritated with my fiance's ex-wife when she pulls some childish smurf. In the year and a half that we've been living together, she has been pretty damn childish. When step-DD came for a visit (she lives 12 hours away), I couldn't believe the lack of care her mother showed in making sure she had what she needed (no socks, no sneakers, no toothbrush). She basically just threw some clothing in a bag and sent the kid on her way. But here's the thing: I have never EVER taken my irritation at her out on her child. If anything, I feel bad for my step-daughter and do more for her because of the lack that she experiences at home.

The thing is, his kids only know what their mother tells them. They are at her mercy when it comes to that. So if she's saying something like "your dad's new girl is pregnant and taking him away from you" of course they are going to be pissed and not want anything to do with you or the baby. Parents can be very manipulative. And if that's what is happening, your SO can take her to court over that.

That said, there might come a day where your SO has to take custody of his children. You are well aware he has them and were aware of it when you met him. By agreeing to be with him, you agreed to take on his children if that time ever came. You accepted the entire package. You can't just accept a part of it. That's not how it works with a partner who had a family before you came along. You have to be willing to not only be okay with him fulfilling his responsibilities, but support him in it as well and assist him if need be.

quote smurfs?

I live in Helena, Montana

more about ~*Flibbertigibbet*~

Adri♥Ava

7278 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Why do you have to meet them? I saw my half brothers and sisters like once or twice I didn't miss out on anything they were super rude because they were here "first". As long as he's spending time with his kids and they have what they need you do not need to be a part of there lives. When you're child is older and wants to meet his half siblings then you should let him. My mom went through something similar I got really close to my moms finances daughter and during a custody battle she told such lies about me and my mom. I wouldn't want my baby in all that drama.

quote

I have 2 kids & 1 angel baby & live in New York

more about Adri♥Ava

FroggysMommy

23852 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" She's never MET his kids. She's saying that she doesn't want to meet them. She doesn't want to like ... [snip!] ... to all of us. She was honest and posted it to get advice on how to deal with the situation. She's not a smurf for being human."

She IS a smurf to be with a dude with kids and stick her nose up in the air and say "I dont WANT to meet them, I dont WANT to like them." Dont lie on your back with a dude that has kids if you aren't willing to even attempt to like them. To straight up be all "I dont want to like these kids or meet them because the mother sucks" makes her a smurfing smurf. I'm sorry, but dont lay on your back and get smurfed by a dude with kids if you aren't willing to take them in and love them. If you can't do that, let the guy be with someone that will actually treat his kids well.

I will NEVER agree with someone that doesnt even want to attempt to be a mother to stepkids, especially because "Wah, let me cry and bitch and moan because I dont like the mommy so I wont deal with the kids!" Oh yes, cry me a river, and go drown in it.

Harsh? Not as harsh as turning your nose up at the kids that are part of the person you love.

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & live in Golden, Colorado

more about FroggysMommy

♥MamaToSilas♥online

5226 posts

parentank ignore

posted 2nd Dec

Quoting FroggysMommy:" She IS a smurf to be with a dude with kids and stick her nose up in the air and say "I dont WANT to meet ... [snip!] ... me a river, and go drown in it. Harsh? Not as harsh as turning your nose up at the kids that are part of the person you love."

I have to completely agree with this.

quote smurfs?

I have 1 child & live in Illinois

more about ♥MamaToSilas♥

Its Eh-Lei

4261 posts

parentank ignore

posted 3rd Dec

ewQuoting FroggysMommy:" She IS a smurf to be with a dude with kids and stick her nose up in the air and say "I dont WANT to meet ... [snip!] ... me a river, and go drown in it. Harsh? Not as harsh as turning your nose up at the kids that are part of the person you love."

oh my god get it from someone elses point of view! She said things out of frustration. Who wouldn't. & Stop lying youve done it once of twice.

re: deleted

who's online