re: Deleted.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Lily:</b>" So you are being a bitch to me biased off of my opinion of the 3 small paragraphs you wrote? If you ... [snip!] ... of what you wrote.... You are obviously a smurf, no wonder your mother didn't want to change for you, I wouldn't have either. "</blockquote>




You are the smurf here and you obviously have no experience with having a loved one suffer from addiction. And if you do you're just smurfing ignorant. If my moths was an irresponsible drunk who didnt care about me or my family and refused my help, i would cut her out too. OP did nothing but try to help her and eventually you just have to stop enabling the addict. If they choose to leave your life, that's on them and really it hurts the family a lot more than the addict. So shut the smurf up and leave if you have nothing to add.

Quoting GL♣05/08/2013:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Katrina,Phia&Easton's Ma:</b>"   I don't think it makes ... [snip!] ... things she has done to me, put me through. I thought was normal, it was all I knew..Until I became a mother myself. Thank you"

I know what you mean. Its hard to not get angry or bitter about it either because you feel 'cheated' out of a decent childhood or the moments as an adult that you should be able to share with her. No one should belittle you for wanting to be free of that and put your focus on your family and making that atmosphere a healthy and happy one.
I hope that one day she will decide she has had enough and want to get better.

Quoting The Lily:" So you are being a bitch to me biased off of my opinion of the 3 small paragraphs you wrote? If you ... [snip!] ... of what you wrote.... You are obviously a smurf, no wonder your mother didn't want to change for you, I wouldn't have either. "

If you didn't feel like you got the whole story then you should have just let it be. Not jump to conclusions. She is obviously hurting over this so excuse her for being 'mean'.
She has every right to feel the way she does. That doesn't make her a smurf-that makes her a human being.

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Lily:</b>" That was mean. She is obviously sick and needs ... [snip!] ... and her mother chose an unhealthy lifestyle over her child and grandchild. I'm sorry op, I hope she chooses to get help soon."</blockquote>




I do too, I just don't understand how munch worse it can get.. But I'm so frustrated that now that she is back home she has so many circles of acquaintances that are fueling her. I mean its been two years of being PURELY worthless, drinking and drugs every.single.day. Come on. If she doesn't pick up now

<blockquote><b>Quoting Prttymommy3:</b>" Oh trust me I have been exactly where you are. I let my mother and her POS husband live with me while ... [snip!] ... not him. Smh it's so much more to it though. If you ever want to talk pm me. Nobody knows unless they have been through it. "</blockquote>




It really just..sucks, and you are right there is SO much more to it. When it's been your whole life, at one point you are going to say enough is enough. Thank you! And no, ^ obviously they don't know.

<blockquote><b>Quoting i made a vagina.:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Lily:</b>" That was mean. She is obviously sick and needs ... [snip!] ... help. And you practically abandoned her. "</blockquote> You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves."</blockquote>




Thank you

<blockquote><b>Quoting GL♣05/08/2013:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Lily:</b>" ... [snip!] ... being PURELY worthless, drinking and drugs every.single.day. Come on. If she doesn't pick up now, I don't think she ever will."</blockquote>


I'm sorry that's terrible. But I think you're doig the right thing by keeping her away from your family. That is nothing but negative and you don't need that in your life or your son's.
Have you thought about making another offer for help with rehab recently? See if she has changed her mind?

<blockquote><b>Quoting SaraSaraBoBara:</b>" we are in very similar situations. but my mom knows not to even ask to keep my son. she sees him for ... [snip!] ... kids as much as i can and try to talk to her about it....but i've NEVER had a motherly relationship with her. my dad raised me."</blockquote>




That is very unfortunate that she is similar and is still raising children .. Especially if it's so bad you involved CPS. Does she still not get it?
I would never leave my son alone with my mom. Three or so years ago my mom got into trouble with the law and was very close to being in jail, she seemed like she was straightening up.. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her babysit my son on my my anniversary, right before we left my husband saw my mom take something. I confronted her and she told told me she had a headache and took Advil. When she was smoking I looked in her purse and sure enough she had someone else's script bottle with tons of different pills and a ..Baggie.
Seriously right before I am about to give her an inch of faith. Then eight months ago someone bailed her out of having to go to jail and things have been, well..
My dad has been in and out, but when hes in I guess he's kind of fatherly.
That's great that you at least had your father!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Katrina,Phia&Easton's Ma:</b>" I know what you mean. Its hard to not get angry or bitter about it either because you feel 'cheated' ... [snip!] ... making that atmosphere a healthy and happy one. I hope that one day she will decide she has had enough and want to get better."</blockquote>




Oh I feel SO cheated. While she was at my house just before all of this I finally just let it my feelings. Part of me feels free of her, but at the same timeim so angry that I even had to do this. I truly wish she could be a part of my life, I wish my children could grow up knowing their grandparents, I had great grandparents! But only if she ever Figures out what is most important, not just what makes her "high"

<blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting GL♣05/08/2013:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... life or your son's. Have you thought about making another offer for help with rehab recently? See if she has changed her mind?"</blockquote>




She's focused way too hard on doing her own thing right now. I just went on her fb today (my husband still has her on his, but he never uses it) after speaking with my grandfather and shes going boating with this person, going to the casino with this one, this bar, that strip club, making plans to go to Vegas. She's seriously exhausting her resources. My grandpa used the term panhandler, but I could think of a few others.
I just have so much going on that I feel like I need to focus on my own needs right now. I want to continue doing me and being happy without her trying to put me down. She didn't contact me for four months after ignoring my phone call, she doesn't have any want to change right now.

People need to get help when its on their terms, not someone elses. Otherwise they will fail. She will use whatever escape method she can if she has to deal with her child abandoning her. She is your REAL mother too, she's not a damn illusion. She's sick. My Dad is an alcoholic and though he isnt perfect, he is my REAL Dad. Help your Mom, and understand she may fail. She probably will. Very very VERY few people pass the first time they get help... she will fail. Don't fault her for that.

And stand beside her and offer help... because if its on your terms she will fail. If she asks for help herself... it will have a greater chance to work.

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" People need to get help when its on their terms, not someone elses. Otherwise they will fail. She will ... [snip!] ... help... because if its on your terms she will fail. If she asks for help herself... it will have a greater chance to work."</blockquote>




I apologize, but I'm past the point of trying. I tried being there for her, I can't do it anymore. I held out for her longer than she ever would have or has have for me and I have exhuberated all I can give her. She never was a "real" mom. So she can either decide to try to be or she can continue her path away from mine.

I completely unserstand what you're going through bc my mom is a drug addict & has been for almost 8 years. I can't handle it anymore either. When she fell asleep "passed out" holding my newborn daughter in her hands bc she was smurfed up on pills, 2 years ago, was my end poiint. I could no longer handle it. I gave her th ultimatum also, Rehab or us? She claimed she went to rehab but all she really did was ignore our calls & everything for a few months claiming she was in rehab. But come to find out she lied, and has still been on drugs the entire time, and just hides her high around me. It sucks bc i have a 7 year old sister tht lives with her, and theres nothing i can do. But i just recently found out about her drug use, that she still does it. So im debating what i will do about it. I really dont want her in my children's lives bc she made mine miseralbe bc she was such a horrible mother to me. But i dont want to lose my sister also. So i kinda have to deal. Ughhh so stressful.

Speaking as an older Mom who has a mother similar to this...my Mom never got better. I have had to mourn the loss of our relationship, no one to call with my problems or go shopping with. Those things other women take for granted. I would love to have ever experienced this. My Mother left me in my crib and took off with a biker club, left me to die basically but my Grandmother found me. I was six months old and had diaper sores the size of quarters, bed sores and pneumonia. She didn't even show up for court to try to fight for custody, I went into foster care until my Grandparents decided to take me. My dad was a heroin addict but he has turned his life around. My Mom never did. She has never even met my youngest child who is 3.
Honestly, it gets better. You get used to it and you find a way to move on...

I have a mother who is ok with not having Me in her life. I really understand what you mean though. I wish I had a normal mother in my life that lived me. I'm new to this page. I found it offensive that a woman called the OP a botch and smurf and all that. Is there away to flag it as drama if it's not your post? That was cruel and mean. I don't understand how people can be like that.