re: monogamous vs. open

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" You just hit the nail right on the head though. Just because someone deems to spend the rest of their ... [snip!] ... someone does not mean they always desire to smurf only that person. Many people can put a disconnect between sex, and emotions."

That's just what I'm saying, though. You don't have to connect sex to emotions to think it's wrong to smurf other people while you're married.
Marriage is a commitment to one person, in ALL aspects of your life, forever. To stray in any way would make the marriage in it's entirety meaningless. So, why?
I understand open relationships, they don't hold the type of commitment a marriage does. So, if you can't see yourself staying faithful in all aspects of your life to one person, don't get married to that person. Simple.

Quoting The Doctor:" There are many varieties. Some couples are ok with having full relationships with other people-- emotions and all."

Yes well that falls under a more Polymory situation which I would distinguish from just an open relationship. When people tell me 'open relationship' it usually just means they want a smurf buddy or 2.

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" That's just what I'm saying, though. You don't have to connect sex to emotions to think it's wrong to ... [snip!] ... if you can't see yourself staying faithful in all aspects of your life to one person, don't get married to that person. Simple."

Just for smurfs and giggles....

What makes how you define a marriage any more valid than how two other consenting adults define a marriage?

I just have to play devil's advocate for a hot second. haha

Quoting The Doctor:" Just for smurfs and giggles.... What makes how you define a marriage any more valid than how two other ... [snip!] ... more valid than how two other consenting adults define a marriage? I just have to play devil's advocate for a hot second. haha"

I'm just making a generalization. People, generally, see a marriage as a commitment to one person forever.

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" That's just what I'm saying, though. You don't have to connect sex to emotions to think it's wrong to ... [snip!] ... if you can't see yourself staying faithful in all aspects of your life to one person, don't get married to that person. Simple."

That however if your personal opinion on marriage. Not everyone see's it as that rigid in it's definition. My parents have been in one for 30 years, and are just as committed at a mono couple would be :-P. For some of us we love the fact of the connection with people, but still enjoy the occasional fun outside of the relationship.

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" That's just what I'm saying, though. You don't have to connect sex to emotions to think it's wrong to ... [snip!] ... if you can't see yourself staying faithful in all aspects of your life to one person, don't get married to that person. Simple."

See, you're defining marriage in a very specific way. In some cultures it would be beyond thinkable for you to have a male friend while married. They'd wonder why you wanted to be married if you are going to act that way. And staying "faithful" can mean different things to different people. To some that means sex. To others it could mean porn. To others it could mean ever talking to someone of the opposite sex alone again. Other people simply don't define marriage or "faithful" as you do.

It doesn't lessen their commitment, it just means they agreed to different commitments and rules then you have.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" That however if your personal opinion on marriage. Not everyone see's it as that rigid in it's definition. ... [snip!] ... For some of us we love the fact of the connection with people, but still enjoy the occasional fun outside of the relationship."

I, personally, don't understand how one can be fully committed if it isn't in all aspects, including physically.
I.E. If a man wasn't emotionally involved in his marriage (he was distant, didn't communicate, refused counseling, all that jazz), one would say he's not fully committed. So, why is physical commitment any different?

I'm not downing ANYONE'S relationship, I just don't understand it, myself  

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" I, personally, don't understand how one can be fully committed if it isn't in all aspects, including ... [snip!] ... So, why is physical commitment any different? I'm not downing ANYONE'S relationship, I just don't understand it, myself  "

Many relationships one or both partners are not fully committed to be honest. How many people have you seen that love their partners but really are not in love with them? But the thing is a bigger issue in marriage is the emotions you hold towards the person. You get married really for that reason itself, not because your husband has a penis of the gods :-P. Sex while an important part of an relationship is an addition, but not what the relationship is built upon.

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" I, personally, don't understand how one can be fully committed if it isn't in all aspects, including ... [snip!] ... So, why is physical commitment any different? I'm not downing ANYONE'S relationship, I just don't understand it, myself  "

In some instances, it is done more FOR the marriage than the smurfing.

I know, sounds strange.

Some couples will add this option to their marriage after many years of being completely faithful and fulfilled with one another.
Something they do together for both their enjoyment.

I think only truly committed partners can pull it off successfully.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Yes well that falls under a more Polymory situation which I would distinguish from just an open relationship. ... [snip!] ... from just an open relationship. When people tell me 'open relationship' it usually just means they want a smurf buddy or 2. "

Hmm. See, I guess there are parts, to me, that overlap.

Quoting Fancy Asparagus Beef:" I'm just making a generalization. People, generally, see a marriage as a commitment to one person forever."

Hm. Yes.... but my question still stands.  

How does defining the marriage differently than you do render it meaningless?

It just has a different meaning.

Quoting .Colleen.:" In some instances, it is done more FOR the marriage than the smurfing. I know, sounds strange. ... [snip!] ... Something they do together for both their enjoyment. I think only truly committed partners can pull it off successfully."

I suppose I can see that just as I see a threesome. In my mind, a threesome in a marriage would be acceptable whereas an open marriage would not.
But, when you explain the open marriage itself like you just did, I can see both situations as acceptable.

Maybe not for my marriage, which is still in it's infancy, lol. But, I can understand it more for others who've been together longer.

I have only ever been in open relationships. I dont do commitment.

If everyone is happy and fine with it, why does it matter? I have always been happy with my "relationship" choices. Well for the most part. Have met some real smurfs along the way. lol

Quoting crazy coupon lady:" I have only ever been in open relationships. I dont do commitment. If everyone is happy and fine with ... [snip!] ... I have always been happy with my "relationship" choices. Well for the most part. Have met some real smurfs along the way. lol"

Hell, I've only been in one-on-one monogamous realtionships, and still met some real smurfs along the way.  

Quoting The Doctor:" Hm. Yes.... but my question still stands.   How does defining the marriage differently than you do render it meaningless? It just has a different meaning."

I hope my last post can answer your question, lol.
I wasn't looking at the situation in the right way.