re: Waking up is the worst.

<3. I just wish I could hug you.

Oh, Amanda, I just want to take all your pain away. I hate that you are hurting so bad. I'm sorry. ((Hugs))

Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel right now. It's so surreal. You were supposed to be my due date buddy, not THIS kind of buddy   I wish it would all just go away for both of us right now.

So sorry Manda! I give you all my hugs and kisses. We are all here for you!

I'm so sorry, Amanda.  
I don't think I could say it enough.
((HUGS))

I think I've always known when I was going to miscarry. I feel all cold and hollow and empty, with a deep sadness, and this happens before the bleeding starts or any other confirmation. I'm always terrified with each pregnancy it will happen again. I was terrified with Brighton I was going to lose him because of spotting. I'm terrified that I won't get pregnant again. I'm afraid to get attached to pregnancies because of that nagging little voice that tells me it won't last. But ultimately I get past it all because I NEED a baby and all the fears and uncertainties and potential for heartbreak are worth it.

Thanks ladies. I needed to write this all out. I hate that its hurting Jason to hear. I mean he tells me to talk how ever much I need but at the same time he says if he talks he'll cry. So its kinda one sided conversation. I am having more anger than sad today. Just pisses at ut all in general. It still breaks my heart but idk I am just mad.

Im LIVID with dh right now!!! For some gosh foresaken reason he thought it'd be a good idea to inform DS of the gory details of a miscarriage. Im pissed. He easily could have said I was having a baby but not anymore. The kid is 6 for crying out loud. He told him in the car on the way to school this morning. I wasn't there. C just randomly brings up that im sad because I had to "flush the baby. " Its bad enough I'm pissed as it is to go to the bathroom now I get to hear that sweet voice in my head every time too. He had no business telling him all that. That poor kid doesn't need to know. Its as simple as baby went to be with Jesus. End of story.

Quoting ~Manda Panda +3 ~:" Im LIVID with dh right now!!! For some gosh foresaken reason he thought it'd be a good idea to inform ... [snip!] ... business telling him all that. That poor kid doesn't need to know. Its as simple as baby went to be with Jesus. End of story."

Oh no! That's horrible, he isn't thinking your hurt or anything right? & I think saying flush the baby was not the best words for that.

Quoting Let's Go To The Mall:" Oh no! That's horrible, he isn't thinking your hurt or anything right? & I think saying flush the baby was not the best words for that."

Idk what he thinks I was too pissed to say anything. My brain cant fix that right now. Just because that's how it feels to me doesn't mean its what you say to a child.

Omg. I swear men don't think sometimes. I'm sorry hun  

Quoting MamaCass+3:" Omg. I swear men don't think sometimes. I'm sorry hun  "

I guess he thought he was running interference but seriously?! You tell tell a kid that. Its not a goldfish.

Quoting ~Manda Panda +3 ~:" I guess he thought he was running interference but seriously?! You tell tell a kid that. Its not a goldfish."

Yeah, I mean I can understand telling him the baby went to be with Jesus, or something along those lines, but definitely no need for any details.

So apparently he said the body flushes everything out. Which is where C came up with that. I got pissed and walked off before listening. I just sat and held my husband while he cried. Damn this whole situation.

Quoting ~Manda Panda +3 ~:" So apparently he said the body flushes everything out. Which is where C came up with that. I got pissed ... [snip!] ... that. I got pissed and walked off before listening. I just sat and held my husband while he cried. Damn this whole situation."

  I hate this for you. I wish I could make it go away.