re: disciplining an 11 month old HELP (long but please read)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Baby Love.:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting momma melissa85:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Baby ... [snip!] ... don't wish to choose physical discipline, look up the emotional effects it has and the brain development of babies her age. :-)"</blockquote>




Yes I am very open. I knew bg mommas would have answers and reasons. I knew there were other ways but did not really know what they are. I want my daughter to feel validated and acknowledged and I don't want to step all over her feelings or self expression. I want to her to explore and learn and not feel fear, disappointment or like I don't care about her feelings.

I had nothing to come back with and now I do. Thanks  

Yep - start validating her feelings now. She will not always understnad all of it - but she will understand enough & you may as well get yourself in the habit because her ability to understand is going to explode in the next year.

If she kicks or hits you - then you can grab the offending limb & say the stuff like "nice hands" and stroke your face - or feet are for dancing & jumping & whatever else...they are not for kicking momma.

I even tell my kids "I'm sorry you can't have that." Because I am. I wish they could play with cords & whatever else safely - but they can't. So it is what it is. Then I acknowledge whatever I think they feel (frustration, disappointment, anger..whatever. The more emotion words YOU give them, the more they will have in their vocab when they start being able to tell you how they feel versus show you how they feel. at this age, her screaming & kicking truly is no different than her giggles & squeals. They are her set of tools to share with you what she is feeling. She is going to have times where she does more tantruming & crying than other ages & stages - because developmentally she is going to be more frustrated at times with her own limitations as well as those that are being imposed on her through the boundaries you set. That is okay & to be expected. It does NOT mean you are heading into chaos. Seriously - because at times you will likely wonder if you are.

With my older one this was such a leap of faith for me because NONE of it seemed to work. We repeated all.the.time to no avail. I seriously thought redirection was never going to work & then all of a sudden it started to. Then he hit about 2 & things were so good I though t"Let's have another baby!' - then halfway through that pregnancy he went through such a stinker stage of just being busy & full of himself I though t"Oh Lord, no one should let me raise two kids!" & by the time the baby came, he was over it & that went butter smooth.

So SOME of it is having faith that if you treat your child with kindness & patience and you stay the course & keep repeating & teaching, you WILL get there. I am so glad now I stuck it out but I have had times I was really starting to wonder. Now that he's done so well my 2nd has been even easier & the kids I watch do great with it - I also think I am more confident about it & my expectations are more reasonable so I am less likely to be deterred or discouraged.

The one child I watch is 2 & came here tantruming, hitting & kicking & scratching & biting & spitting (yikes) - no joke & was doing it not just to my kids, but to me as well. Within 3 weeks it all stopped & ONLY using "hands are for clapping" and the like and staying RIGHT on top to interceded on EVERY episode. I actually though tit might take longer. even my kids, instead of hitting back would say "noooo hit me - hands for cwap!" LOL My older one is more articulate of course. He always tells ANY kids who isn't nice, "We don't hurt people in this house no matter what". And he is right. <3

If people tell you to spank, tell them your parenting isn't up for a community vote. That is what I say. I am also quick to tell my mom or MIL or anyone giving unwanted input that I appreciate that they want to help & if I need help or advice, I'll be sure to ask them. It is nice to know they are there if I want to ask. If your mom is persistent (mine used to be) just say "Mom you had your turn to be the momma & you did things the way you thought was best. I know that. Now I am the momma this time & just like you, I am going to do things the way I think is best. I need you to respect that instead of undermining me by telling me what to do with my own child. I am grown now."

I don't know your situation but it worked for me. No one has said squat about any of it since he was about 2 & even then most of them gave up telling me anything by 6 months. LOL

It sounds like you are doing fine & you absolutely have the right goal in mind. Just stay true to what you know is right, keep respecting that little girl of yours & pay no one else any mind.

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Yep - start validating her feelings now. She will not always understnad all of it - but she will understand ... [snip!] ... in mind. Just stay true to what you know is right, keep respecting that little girl of yours & pay no one else any mind."</blockquote>




Thanks so much. My baby sitter is open to this. She was a nanny and an education major about to graduate. We plan on opening a preschool. She will be on board. My mother recently put my daughter in a high chair as a car seat so I am looking for another sitter. How do I get others on board too? My new sitter will be watching other kids. What if she treats them one way and my daughter anothe4? Gosh I wish I could be a sahm. I dread day care or a sitter bcbof this.

That book I mentioned is good - but quite a read.

You can start with the website I linked; http://www.ahaparenting.com/
There is sooooo much great info there for every age & stage.

There should be no reason for a sitter to treat kids differently except according to their ages & differing needs. Otherwise...this concept is just about respect, teaching & kindness & hopefully she will be that way to anyone in her care. The best you can do is just ask he what she does & see how it aligns & then give your input on what you'd like to see & she how she responds.

I feel you about the daycare. it' shard. The one momma (with the spitter) is really sweet & has thanked me for taking him as not all places want to deal with those outbursts or be kind about it. Honestly though - if you stop taking it personally & just see it for what it is (an unhappy kid) it is much easier to empathize & try to thelp them find appropriate ways to show you how they feel. A happy kid never does that stuff. Somehow that seems like a no brainer to me. ;)

I am SO sorry BTW that you can't even trust your mom to watch your baby. That has to be very disappointing & frustrating for you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" That book I mentioned is good - but quite a read. You can start with the website I linked; http://www.ahaparenting.com/ ... [snip!] ... sorry BTW that you can't even trust your mom to watch your baby. That has to be very disappointing & frustrating for you."</blockquote>




Yes I book marked the site and screen shot your responses  

I am going to try those things   you are awesome.

My mother was a bad mother to me but I thought she had changed her life and I gave herca chance with lo. For the most part she was good with her and reluctantly did what I said as far as parenting but she could have killed my child bc she was selfish. Now I have to change my daughters whole schedule and up root her. I have to trust someone else who I don't know and won't give her one on one care. I feel like a horrible mom.

Quoting momma melissa85:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" That book I mentioned is good - but quite ... [snip!] ... and up root her. I have to trust someone else who I don't know and won't give her one on one care. I feel like a horrible mom."

The moms who are really trying are also the ones who do the most beating themselves up. Give yourself a break momma & have faith that you'll find your way & so will she.  

I am just glad my insomnia is useful to anyone. It sure as hell annoys me.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" The moms who are really trying are also the ones who do the most beating themselves up. Give yourself ... [snip!] ... that you'll find your way & so will she.   I am just glad my insomnia is useful to anyone. It sure as hell annoys me.  "</blockquote>




I just am so stressed over child care and affording it. I found a few 18 year goldsmith on care.com who will come to my house and do one on one but how can I trust them? I found a few sahm with kids who I can take her to.but Idk how to trust them either and how their style is. Of I do a day care then it is loads of kids. All of it is like a whole biweekly check for me so I am going to struggle to pay bills and day care. I am overwhelmed and feel I am going to screw up my daughters life. I lost my first son preemie and I'm.scared to death something bad might happen or lo might get hurt by someone. My own mother could have killed her.
Ugh thanks for all your help and listening. Lol I need to be asleep but I can't. My mind is racing bc I need child care by Monday and I have to work every day until then. My other sitter can only watch her like 10 hours a week.   sigh

Quoting momma melissa85:" No Bashing: My baby will be 11 months old on 12/5. I have been telling her no since about 6 months ... [snip!] ... off. If she cries more than 3 minutes I pick her back up and let her play until she is ready. Advice please. Thanks for reading"

Cassius does that too. I researched it and most websites say, to tell them no and give them something else to play with. For example, cassius knows when he has something that doesnt go into his mouth because he will pick it up and once he sees me he shoves it into his mouth. I tell him No take it out of his mouth and give him something he can have. Or when he goes for my phone I say no and give him his own phone. Its to the point that if he thinks hes not suppose to do it and he will reach then look at me and shake his head no. If I shake with him he leaves it alone if I dont he messes with it. Only problem with saying "NO" is that they will start saying it to you cause when I say its nap time cassius he says NO, and he will say yes so it would probably be best to say something else.

Quoting Ozzie & BamBam:" Cassius does that too. I researched it and most websites say, to tell them no and give them something ... [snip!] ... you cause when I say its nap time cassius he says NO, and he will say yes so it would probably be best to say something else."

so true. I am going to try like some of these ladies suggested and say dont touch the remote. that is mommy's remote or the remote is for the tv. then give her a toy and tell her she can play with that. she understands alot and i think the more i actually talk to her and explain like she does understand then she will. i tried valiodating her emotions too and saying hands are for clapping when she pushed me away today. she just stares at me and studdies my actions and face. it is really cool. i see her brain working. I tried giving her choices too of what she CAN have and that seems to help bc she chooses it herlsef. she is at the stage now where she pushes you away if you try to help her lol my lil baby is turning into a toddler. i did not know they grew this fast!