Should I be worried?

PLEASE DONT QUOTE
I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not, but I've been feeling like there's something going on with my SO and his co worker.
Back in April after I had my abortion he IMMEDIATELY told her like the day he came back to work. I found out and got mad because that's our personal life, and it hurt me because he doesn't talk about it to me, so why would he talk to her about it? I worked with her before, and heard a lot of bad things like her being a slut, and that she likes hitting on married men. I also once caught her being really flirty with my co workers husband. So I told him it made me very uncomfortable that he was confiding in her. I looked in his phone and he was texting her A LOT. Some were flirty messages. So I texted her pretending to be him.. We texted for a little bit and asked if she would ever make a move. Her response was, "Why would you have said yes????" And I said "No, I love my wife" and she went off saying how she read it wrong and that he's married and she wouldn't touch him. Something didn't sit right with me. So, I asked him if he could stop talking to her because I didn't trust her.. He said okay. I find out in October that they were texting the whole month and he didn't bother telling me. I found out when he was drunk cause she texted him after he passed out. I look at the phone bill and there was over 500 messages within a couple weeks. Some messages I had sent him were skipped for hours but he was texting her during those hours. I told him that he shouldn't have been texting her and not even telling me and he was deleting the messages on top of it. I tell him I would like it if he seriously wouldn't talk to her anymore. He refused. Claimed it was an innocent friendship. I don't ask him for much, this was the one thing that I've ever really wanted. He fought me tooth and nail, still refusing. So fast forward to black friday.. we go up there and he's working and I'm shopping. She comes up to me and calls me a fatass. I get up and say what did you say? She tells me that he told her I said she looked like a whore. Which I didn't. She told me every single thing that I actually DID say about her. And she said he told her. EVERYTHING. Me and her start talking and I ask if he flirts with her. She said he's always trying to talk to her, that he wants to buy her coffee all the time. (Which the car that he drives is mine and I find out she's been in there a couple times because they went and got coffee.. by themselves.) Then she said.. once he said something that was flirty. "If I wasn't married I'd make a move on you" He keeps denying it.. She's telling me it's the truth. I seriously don't know what to believe. Any advice or opinions? I'm at a loss. I've had so much going on lately I'm really sick of all this.

It sounds like from the jump you did not trust your SO and that is a problem in itself. If you had to pretend to be him and talk to this girl, there's more of an issue there.

But yes, it sounds fishy.

Your husband sounds like an smurf. That has no respect for you.

Major trust issues and yes it sounds fishy. Time for some professional help or to call it quits but continuing this way isnt healthy.

So many things wrong... I'm sorry :/

Yeah that's a pretty messed up situation. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband doing that at all. Completely unacceptable on both of their parts. I wouldn't be friend with anyone who called my husband names (since she called you a fatass), and I wouldn't be in a relationship with a man who told someone else everything about me and what I say/do.

Quoting iLL-Legal Alien:" Your husband sounds like an smurf. That has no respect for you."

 

He's cheated on me in the past.. before we got married. But it was mainly not trusting her. I've heard a lot of bad crap about her and witnessed it with my own eyes. So I wanted to see if she was going to try something. And something didn't seem right with the text messages. I just don't know what to think. He says it's an innocent friendship and that he doesn't have any feelings for her. But I feel like someone is playing me.. Either him or her.

Yes, he seems like he may be infatuated with her..but might not realize it? or is trying to hide it, obviously. She probably makes him feel like a teenager again, or special. He needs to snap out of it. Tell him how it is..if you love me, respect me and leave that bitch alone. Tell him this can no longer go on...block her number. If he get defensive..say that its your marriage thats on the line.

They both sound like dicks. She knows he's married and he just doesn't care if it bothers you. I I wouldn't be able to handle that, and I put up with a lot! Lol

The question is.. should I be worried about HER? She says she told him deleting texts were wrong and smurf. And she said she was going to "back off" because she saw it was upsetting me. But there she was still texting and going to coffee with him

Sounds like an emotional relationship for sure. Boundaries have definitely been crossed.

Quoting BoOm French Toast:" It sounds like from the jump you did not trust your SO and that is a problem in itself. If you had to ... [snip!] ... in itself. If you had to pretend to be him and talk to this girl, there's more of an issue there. But yes, it sounds fishy."

Pretty much all of this.

Quoting October2011:" Yes, he seems like he may be infatuated with her..but might not realize it? or is trying to hide it, ... [snip!] ... alone. Tell him this can no longer go on...block her number. If he get defensive..say that its your marriage thats on the line."

See, I tried that.. He said that our marriage is on the line because I gave him the ultimatum and I'm making it into a problem. She claims she doesn't want anything to do with him after I told her my side of it, but I don't know if I believe that.

I've been there my ex thought it was okay to go to another woman's house after wrk but telling me he's working late. Texting her and deleting it as well. Even kissed this woman! I found out and the night I did he went BACK to her home! Men to me are scum. I let him go and moved on. It was hard because I loved him & we had a 1 yr old , a dog together and 8 yrs of time put into the relationship. But you deserve better than a man that does that. It's funny though when we decide to give them a dose of their own medicine and find us a friend to text and hide our phone they suddenly become so hurt. I did this and my ex then knew how it felt to be conniving .....