re: Should I be worried?

Quoting Chuck Bass:" It doesn't matter if she's a slut or not, no girl ever MAKES a guy cheat. Not saying it's not both people's ... [snip!] ... makes that decision, that's on him, not her. Hold him responsible for his own actions. He is being shady, take it up with him. "

That's why I'm confused and when he denied when i asked him if he said if I wasn't married I'd hit on you.. I said what reason would she have to lie to me? I don't know the whole situation is smurfed up. I remember when we were fighting about it. He said one smurfed up thing like, "your smothering me.. your making me WANT to cheat on you because you keep trying to turn something innocent into something that it's not"

Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" That's why I'm confused and when he denied when i asked him if he said if I wasn't married I'd hit on ... [snip!] ... me.. your making me WANT to cheat on you because you keep trying to turn something innocent into something that it's not""

Wow way to set it up so he thinks he can with that excuse in mind.

Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" That's why I'm confused and when he denied when i asked him if he said if I wasn't married I'd hit on ... [snip!] ... me.. your making me WANT to cheat on you because you keep trying to turn something innocent into something that it's not""

He's getting defensive, and people only do that when they're guilty of something.

Like another mama on here said, he really has no reason to react to you asking him not to talk to her like he's reacting unless there is something going on.

Its like catching you with your pants down and you going its not what it looks like. There are so many red flags in this whole thing.

Quoting Chuck Bass:" He's getting defensive, and people only do that when they're guilty of something. Like another mama ... [snip!] ... he really has no reason to react to you asking him not to talk to her like he's reacting unless there is something going on. "

Exactly and if it comes out he now feels like he has something to justify it to her.

Quoting Chuck Bass:" He's getting defensive, and people only do that when they're guilty of something. Like another mama ... [snip!] ... he really has no reason to react to you asking him not to talk to her like he's reacting unless there is something going on. "

He's been defensive since the beginning. He says he loves me. I'm the only one, that he doesn't have feelings for her. And he kept wanting me to drop it,

Quoting Mel & a girl named Pey:" Exactly and if it comes out he now feels like he has something to justify it to her. "

My thoughts exactly. Either he's already done it or he's looking for an excuse to do it.

Quoting Chuck Bass:" My thoughts exactly. Either he's already done it or he's looking for an excuse to do it."

I just don't know how to get it out of him..

Quoting Chuck Bass:" My thoughts exactly. Either he's already done it or he's looking for an excuse to do it."

Thought the same as soon as I read that.

Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" I just don't know how to get it out of him.. "

Can you go spy on him at work? Or get someone else that works with him to spy for you? I don't care of it's sleazy, I would do it if it means saving my marriage, or lack thereof.

Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" I just don't know how to get it out of him.. "

Honestly, he will probably never admit to everything. I think you just need to sit down with him, TRY to be calm, and tell him you don't want to fight but the issue needs to be resolved. Tell him that you're hurt he doesn't value your relationship more than the friendship, and tell him that it bothers you to the point that something has to give. Let him choose what he wants to do.

Quoting MyMonkeysNAMEisFINGERS:" Can you go spy on him at work? Or get someone else that works with him to spy for you? I don't care of it's sleazy, I would do it if it means saving my marriage, or lack thereof."

It's hard because majority of people there are friends with her.. I've been trying to think of a way also. I know a couple people. I just have to see how close they are with her.. And it's hard with my son because he works 10pm until 7am. So he's usually sleeping when DH goes to work,

Quoting Chuck Bass:" Honestly, he will probably never admit to everything. I think you just need to sit down with him, TRY ... [snip!] ... the friendship, and tell him that it bothers you to the point that something has to give. Let him choose what he wants to do."

See, she says she doesn't want to talk to him anymore after she heard my side. But he told me today she's in Arizona with her family and she goes there every year.

Quoting [Living Dead Girl]:" When I asked him why it's so important for him to be friends with her he said in his past he couldn't ... [snip!] ... girls without his dick getting into the way, and now that he's married he doesn't have to worry about that. I'm just at a loss."

That's a terrible excuse. That's not even an excuse, really. It's just plain backwards. I don't even understand his logic here.

He's basically saying now that he's married it's okay for him to befriend women on a very intense level because now society considers it very unacceptable for him to procure an inappropriate relationship with another woman and as such he is less likely to fall victim and have his "dick get in the way." He's saying that being married supposedly motivates him to be less of an smurf and subsequently less likely to cheat on you because your relationship's title has changed from "boyfriend and girlfriend" to "married couple." Since when did a change in title prevent infidelity? Yeah, being married might motivate the average person to work harder at NOT cheating but it certainly doesn't hinder a spouse's ability to be a douche bag and cheat. I mean that's what he's trying to say, right? He's basically saying that now he's married he suddenly has more of a reason to not go behind your back and form a relationship with another woman but we all know marriage is not an automatic deterrent for infidelity. It doesn't somehow prevent people from engaging in outside relationships like he's suggesting.

Like I said before, I'm sorry to say but this situation reeks of bullsmurf. He is in absolutely no position to be defensive about this either. You're the one who should be upset, not him. He's acting like a twat on top of being totally suspicious. To me that screams something is up. Often times people who are cheating tend to act like smurfs by doing things like accusing their partner of going out and cheating in order to take the spotlight off of their own smurffy actions. Not only this but it makes them feel better about what they're doing when they can make their partner look or feel as if they're doing something wrong. It sounds like this is exactly what he's doing. He's trying to make you feel bad for even suggesting something could be up but come on, 500 text messages in one month? That's more than enough evidence that something is going on. There is NO reason he should be exchanging that many messages with another woman. Maybe if it was a few texts every couple of days and they were about totally innocuous things like what time the boss is getting back from lunch or something then I would say you're overreacting but that's not the case here. You have every right to be worried.

Quoting Raptor Jesus:" That's a terrible excuse. That's not even an excuse, really. It's just plain backwards. I don't even ... [snip!] ... from lunch or something then I would say you're overreacting but that's not the case here. You have every right to be worried."

It's hard because for the past month I've been called psychotic and that I need help. For awhile I was thinking that I was pushing him away. My mind is on total overload.