So, my ex that I'm mates with just moved down to where I'm living now a few months ago and we have caught up since then, he helped me move, all that, it's fine. We went out about 6 years ago when we were 15 for about 8 months? Totally over him, nothing there. He says it's good to have a mate to talk to since he's new here and everything and that's all good.

But lately he's been saying things that make me go hmmmm... Like the other day while we were texting he said that his life is smurf and I said no it's not you're young you have tons of life to live. And he told me that 15 was the best time of his life. At which point I was just like oh um ok cool. Cos it wasn't mine, obviously or we would still be together.

And today he rocked up without texting me to my and SOs house and tried to just walk through the gate (padlocked for the kids safety). I went out to go see what he wanted and he just said "I wanted to invite you out to drinks" I was like oh um ok, who else is going? He said no one and I said "Oh uhhh ... I don't have any money" and he said that was fine he would pay for it.   Drinks are pretty expensive here like wtf. So I just said I would talk to SO and text him about it later.

SO said hell no obviously, I wasn't actually going to go obviously I thought it was kinda strange too. Then I thought maybe he is just lonely? I like to see the best in people but SO said he blatantly wants to get with me and he's weird.

What do you think?

Titty sprinkles.

And he's into you.

I think you should stop talking to him altogether if he can't get his emotions in check. It's not fair to anyone involved, especially not your SO. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong--you're not--but you've got to understand that nothing good is going to come of this.

<blockquote><b>Quoting FaithLovesBaby:</b>" Titty sprinkles. And he's into you."</blockquote>



Lol, this

Maybe he just is lonely and since you're the only person around he knows it's bringing up old feelings. Maybe if your S0 is agreeable set them up on a man date so a) your friend will have somone to chum with and B) Kinda puts your man in the for front and shows what a strong relationship you are in

I asked him straight out if he was into me and he said he was attracted to me but not into me cos I'm getting married.

I am going to give it a bit of distance though and not see him so often, if he's out and about when I'm out and about he will often try to catch up at least once a week if not more and I just think it's not really worth any crap happening even if he's not trying anything on KWIM?

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" I asked him straight out if he was into me and he said he was attracted to me but not into me cos I'm ... [snip!] ... once a week if not more and I just think it's not really worth any crap happening even if he's not trying anything on KWIM?"

Like I said, I think it's approaching an inappropriate level based on what he's saying to you alone. It's not fair to anyone involved, especially not your significant other OR your friend. If he has feelings for you they're not just going to go away if you guys are seeing and talking to one another. They will only grow stronger and cause issues later on down the road. This has happened so many times to so many people and this situation is more or less extremely predictable based on the information you've given: This dude is going to develop even stronger feelings for you and it will cause issues between you and your SO, plain and simple.

If I were you I would stop talking to him altogether. Besides, no friendship should be this complicated to begin with. The fact that you're having to figure out how often you should be talking to him is enough of a sign to me that there's already a problem here. You're posting about how you should talk to him 'x' number of days a week and such and that's just bizarre. No appropriate friendship should be that complex. You're already making excuses for his behavior too and that's not good either.

One more thing: If you're serious about your SO and you guys are getting married then you need to respect his wishes concerning your friend. If one day he asks you to stop seeing him so much then you should do just that. Think of how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your fiance was talking to some girl who admittedly has feelings for him. You probably wouldn't like it much. I'm all for people being able to have friends of the opposite sex and whatnot but if one of the parties involved admits to having feelings for someone then that "friendship" needs to be halted for a while at the very least. It's basic relationship 101. You just don't do that.

Quoting Raptor Jesus:" Like I said, I think it's approaching an inappropriate level based on what he's saying to you alone. ... [snip!] ... then that "friendship" needs to be halted for a while at the very least. It's basic relationship 101. You just don't do that. "

That's what I'm thinking really. SO doesn't have a problem with me hanging out with him UNTIL he turned up today and asked me out to drinks. He said it was just as mates and who knows maybe it was. But I don't think we are really that tight of friends to just go out and have drinks and if SO was asked by a girl in the same situation I would be like wtf. Hence why I said no.

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" That's what I'm thinking really. SO doesn't have a problem with me hanging out with him UNTIL he turned ... [snip!] ... to just go out and have drinks and if SO was asked by a girl in the same situation I would be like wtf. Hence why I said no."

Yeah. The fact that he even had to clarify it's "just as friends" is weird enough to begin with. The best thing to do is always ask yourself how you would feel if your SO did the same thing and clearly you know the answer to this as you mentioned it above.

I always ask myself how I would feel if my husband did this or that when I'm contemplating some kind of big decision and although it sounds simple to the point of being dumb it can really help with figuring out how to handle a certain situation. Putting yourself in your partner's shoes can help clarify all kinds of things, especially stuff like this.

So yeah, steer clear of this dude. He obviously has feelings for you and that will only lead to a complicated, dramatic situation.