How to... with MIL?

Everyone we are eating when MIL is around she always gives my son food. Not because I didn't already give him done that he is still eating, but just because. It really pisses me off especially when she is giving him stuff that I don't approve of. For example, we go out to eat a lot and today we went to Chinese food. Now I know there is nothing good for you there. But I made a point not to get deep fried food. I repeated it a few times to SO and the waitress that I didn't want anything fried (I got mushroom chicken and bbq pork). So he's sitting there eatinhg his food and she starts giving him pieces of her marfar chicken (deep fried). No he didn't eat much cuz he is like me and prefers the other but wth. So SO doesn't know how to tell her to stop. And I want to avoid confrontation, cuz I really wanna flip out on her some days.

Also she has been smacking my sons hand and we don't hit him. The first time I have her the benefit of the doubt. She looked ashamed after like it was a quick reaction and she knew it wasn't okay. But today at the doctors office he was shaking the cord on the phone. No harm in that . It's just a free phone in the lobby to call your ride of something and it wasn't hurting anything. I was letting him. Then he played something else and came back to the cord after some time and she happened to be right there and smacked him. SO was there too. So he should have said something but he is scared of her really. He says anything and she starts popping off with threats to leave him to find his own way home or whatever.

How can HE tell her to stop these things? My friend said they have problems like this too where her in laws do things that they don't want but no one can speak up. Is that normal? I tell my parents what's up.

He's just going to have to say it. I made it 100% clear with everyone in my family and my SO's family that my LO was to have no food without my (or SO's) permission first. No one ever tried it either. Same with the handsmacking. She'll probably be offended any way you say it, so you might as well just get it out. She needs to get your permission before putting anything in his mouth and don't hit him. It will just get worse when he gets older if you guys don't put your foot down where discipline is concerned.

Why wait for him to do it. You're just as able to open your mouth and tell her.

You're a grown up, why the hell don't YOU tell her? FFS, you aren't helpless!

Quoting lil*Mama*Bear™:" Everyone we are eating when MIL is around she always gives my son food. Not because I didn't already ... [snip!] ... this too where her in laws do things that they don't want but no one can speak up. Is that normal? I tell my parents what's up."

It is sooo hard but it is just something that needs to be done as straightforwardly as possible. He should just say it respectfully, mom, please don't feed him that, or, mom, we don't smack his hands.

She probably will getbpissed but if he just says that and sticks to it and doesn't elaborate, she will not be able to vent to anyone or retelling the story without sounding like an idiot and hopefully that will help to drive the message home.

<blockquote><b>Quoting sταrry skies:</b>" Why wait for him to do it. You're just as able to open your mouth and tell her."</blockquote>

Because it's his mom.

Quoting sταrry skies:" Why wait for him to do it. You're just as able to open your mouth and tell her."

 
I said something! Then on the drive home I told DH that I will NOT tolerate his mothers comments or anything about my children and he shouldn't either. He now speaks up to her but she hates it! I will let certain things slide but not many.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P Pickle Pants:</b>" You're a grown up, why the hell don't YOU tell her? FFS, you aren't helpless!"</blockquote>




So why is it only my responsibility?

Quoting lil*Mama*Bear™:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P Pickle Pants:</b>" You're a grown up, why the hell don't YOU tell her? FFS, you aren't helpless!"</blockquote> So why is it only my responsibility?"

Then tell him to grow a pair! Seriously, DH tells him mom off or disagrees she will say things that are rude and hateful but he shurgs them off now. But you're also a parent!

Quoting lil*Mama*Bear™:" <blockquote><b>Quoting sταrry skies:</b>" Why wait for him to do it. You're just as able to open your mouth and tell her."</blockquote> Because it's his mom."

It's also your child. She'll continue doing this and more. But don't say anything.

<blockquote><b>Quoting lil*Mama*Bear™:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting P Pickle Pants:</b>" You're a grown up, why the hell don't YOU tell her? FFS, you aren't helpless!"</blockquote> So why is it only my responsibility?"</blockquote>

You are the one who seems to have a problem with it.

If my MIL does something I don't like I respectfully remind her that that is not how I parent. If she continues, I state clearly that I won't accept it. No drama. No waiting for DH.

<blockquote><b>Quoting lil*Mama*Bear™:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting sταrry skies:</b>" Why wait for him to do it. You're just as able to open your mouth and tell her."</blockquote> Because it's his mom."</blockquote>




And it's YOUR child.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chim Richalds:</b>" It is sooo hard but it is just something that needs to be done as straightforwardly as possible. He ... [snip!] ... to vent to anyone or retelling the story without sounding like an idiot and hopefully that will help to drive the message home."</blockquote>




That really makes sense. We have talked about it and he just doesn't know how to put the words together. And I'm not one to sugar coat things. I don't have to walk on egg shells with my parents, they respect my wishes. Plus my mom never hit us so that would never be an issue. if my mom did something I didn't want I could say whatever I wanted. "bitch don't smurfing do that smurf" not that I would but it wouldn't matter..

I would be saying something, I have in the past and I always will say something when it comes to my child. I dont care if its my husbands mom, and she knows that I will say something. Im not mean about it, but its very clear that it is my child and if I say no, its NO. If I say dont hit, swear or anything else around my child, it wont happen or you wont be around. End of story. Grab your mama balls and let her know. You shouldnt be mean but if she touches your kid again you'd better set her straight or its just gonna progress! She's gonna think she can get away with anything if theres not telling her no.

I think her expecting DH to do it when he is there is totally acceptable. Maybe it is just with MY mil, but here is my experience.

If SHE says something, it will be all "that girl is ruining my son, she controls him and she is so crazy, he is scared to stick up for me in front of her because he will pay for it later, my poor baby. She attacks me and the way I raised my family and is so disrespectful."

If HE says something, she will probably consider it more.