BF and visitation.

I know this is different for different places, so I'm asking this in general what your experience has been, or people you know.

My son is 12 weeks old, 7 weeks adjusted. He is EBF.

His father has been pushing the smurf out of getting weekend visitation starting at 6 months. I feel that this is too early for a few reasons.

First being that he was/is a preemie.

Second, he is EBF. His dad lives 2 1/2 hours away from me so I can't just pop over and feed him if he runs out of milk. He has not had any formula, even while in the NICU, and I do not want to start when it isn't necessary.

Third, I was exclusively pumping but stopped (and successfully switched to BF) because my supply was declining. If I had of continued to pump I would have no supply right now. I've pumped a couple times since we switched to BF 4 weeks ago and have gotten only a couple oz. By the time Toby is 6 months old I imagine he would be drinking between 6 and 8 oz every few hours. In the course of a weekend, that's a lot of milk I would need to pump. That puts a huge pressure on me physically, being attached to a pump all day, and my family, for the same reason.

Fourth, I guess this kind of ties into the first point, but I don't feel that Toby should be away from me quite that soon, and for that length of time. I know the time will come eventually, but I think that 6 months, 5 adjusted, is just too soon.

Anyway, if a judge were to see a case like this, with those reasons listed as to why the mother is against weekend visitation at 6 months, in your experience what do you think would happen?

Would the father be granted weekend visitation because it's "fair"? Or would the judge give it a couple more months, for the baby to mature a little more?

TIA.

My daughter was EBF as well. In Texas, the visitation for every other weekend started at like 2 years old. Before then, it was 3 times a week for 4 hours or something like that.

The judge would probably grant it to him, if he is seen to be a fit father. DD is 13 months and still only take 5 ounces, at 6 months she only took 3 ounces. If you look on kellymom.com you will see that many bf babies take an average of 3 oz. I would look into hand expression on youtube and begin freezing extra milk now as much as you can, to avoid formula if you have to/want to start doing visits with the father. I also think you need to start out with a few hours at the father's house to see how it goes for both him and you., before doing an overnight or weekend. Good luck!

Quoting Ellena's mommy:" My daughter was EBF as well. In Texas, the visitation for every other weekend started at like 2 years old. Before then, it was 3 times a week for 4 hours or something like that."

Since he lives 2 hours away I don't think that'll work  

He isn't driving right now (license was revoked) and I don't drive either. We both depend on other people for our transportation. I have my beginners right now, it's just a matter of taking my road exam.

Quoting Love Wedge +2:" Since he lives 2 hours away I don't think that'll work   He isn't driving right now (license was revoked) ... [snip!] ... both depend on other people for our transportation. I have my beginners right now, it's just a matter of taking my road exam."

Can you both be civil? Perhaps he could stay the night and sleep on the couch?

Quoting Momma~2~Mayleigh:" The judge would probably grant it to him, if he is seen to be a fit father. DD is 13 months and still ... [snip!] ... a few hours at the father's house to see how it goes for both him and you., before doing an overnight or weekend. Good luck!"

He's been to my house a few times for a few hours each time. Each time, I have to sit there and watch while Toby cries for me, until enough time has passed where I don't feel like I'm undermining his "fatherness", if that makes sense.

Toby is very attached to me. We see my mom every day and he still cries for me after only a few minutes of being held by her.

I've tried hand expression and it doesn't work very well either. I only get a few drops.

Quoting Ellena's mommy:" Can you both be civil? Perhaps he could stay the night and sleep on the couch?"

We've already discussed this and I said one night was fine. A lot of smurf went down during the pregnancy and I'm not comfortable with much more than that.

It depends on the laws there. I wouldnt think they'd allow the baby to be taken for that long just based on the fact that he cant bring him back if there is something that goes wrong and the fact that they would want to respect the wish of breast feeding since it is better for the baby, but in the end I think its going to come down to the judge that you get... o_O

If he is a stable man and would be seen as a fit father, it might come down to them saying for such an amount of time, but I dont know if 6mths is going to be that time. Id start emailing lawyers and such to find out what the law will and wont allow

Quoting Brittanie Blokker-Brandt:" It depends on the laws there. I wouldnt think they'd allow the baby to be taken for that long just based ... [snip!] ... I dont know if 6mths is going to be that time. Id start emailing lawyers and such to find out what the law will and wont allow"

Good idea. You can get a free consultation with a lawyer and they will help you figure out your rights.

Quoting Brittanie Blokker-Brandt:" It depends on the laws there. I wouldnt think they'd allow the baby to be taken for that long just based ... [snip!] ... I dont know if 6mths is going to be that time. Id start emailing lawyers and such to find out what the law will and wont allow"

I'm seeing someone from Family Support on Monday and I'm going to ask her about it.

I was just in court today about my 6 year old, updating the court order her dad and I have. He requested joint custody but was denied because the judge didn't see why it would be in the best interests of my daughter, seeing as me having sole custody has worked just fine for the past 6 years.

In that respect, it makes me think a judge would hold off for a couple months, but I'm not sure.

Quoting Love Wedge +2:" I'm seeing someone from Family Support on Monday and I'm going to ask her about it. I was just in court ... [snip!] ... fine for the past 6 years. In that respect, it makes me think a judge would hold off for a couple months, but I'm not sure."

is it the same dad? cause if it is they'll probably just do the same thing

Quoting Brittanie Blokker-Brandt:" is it the same dad? cause if it is they'll probably just do the same thing"

No, different dad.

In Texas kids under 3 don't have to go over night. I think its short frequent visits that progress over time. A judge will take into consideration that the baby is a preemie.
Maybe laws are similar. I would def get an attorney to help you.