re: ******************

when shes in her twenties you could always bring up a hypothetical question like this one and see what her reaction is to it and if she would even want to know or not.

Oh, that poor baby, I am so sorry, I feel so awful for her mother, I can't imagine going through that.

If it were me, I have no idea. I couldn't give you an honest answer unless I were faced with it. I mean, there are downsides to both, but if she had surgery because of it, she will likely need to know because I have to tell doctors about all major surgeries I have had all the time, so I can imagine having to tell her at some point because when she is an adult, especially child bearing age, she may need to know this kind of information if there was damage done. That is one conversation I would dread and think about every time I looked at my daughter.  

I wouldnt want to know, but thats just me..

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" No. Ignorance is a bliss, especially in cases like these."</blockquote>




Agree.

What if you dont tell her and when she grows up she decides to look for her father and have him in her life?

Quoting Mumz:" I wouldnt want to know, but thats just me.."

I wouldn't want to know either. That would open up a gate of issues that I wouldn't have to deal with if someone just kept it to themselves.

Well i was raped when i was still in diapers too. about 2 1/2 and then i fell onto the edge of a pool and with both of those incidents, i have hardly any feeling during sex. only my clit has feeling. (tmi maybe, im sorry)

so i would say, unless it has caused her medical damage, wait until she is capable of handling it emotionally. i remember what happened to me. exactly.
but she wont.
sorry she had to go through what she did.  

imo i would want to know but if i were her mother i wouldnt tell her until she was older

the same thing happened to my niece when she was probly 2months when it happened her dad didnt do it was the person the watched her boyfriend she is three now and i just asked my BIL if he is ever going to tell her what happened to her and he said no he is not going to tell her but there was also no damage done and she didnt have to have surgery so she will never find out unless someone tells her... but if "Q's" daugther has damage and/or surgery then she will find out evenually and if i were the mother i would want to be the one to tell her and not find out from records

Thanks for the replies ladies.

I guess I should've put the whole story..
Q knew that her daughters father was a sex offender but she still left her daughter alone with him. Her fault IMO.
She didn't have surgery for anything vaginally, just stitches.
But he severely fractured her skull during the rape and she was on a ventilator for 8 days (medically induced coma)
She's fully recovered now and with a foster family, but Q still has visitation

I think it is purely situational on the kid.

I would assume that would be a hard thing to keep from them considering it is likely other family members/friends and possibly even media if the news covered it, would know about it. I would hate for them to find out through someone else and not the parent.

I can't say for sure one way or the other though, because I think most of it would depend on their mental health as an adult, if that makes sense.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ole' No Name:</b>" Thanks for the replies ladies. I guess I should've put the whole story.. Q knew that her daughters father ... [snip!] ... a ventilator for 8 days (medically induced coma) She's fully recovered now and with a foster family, but Q still has visitation"</blockquote>


In that case I would tell my daughter. Fracturing skull and ventilator is a major part of her history.

Quoting Ole' No Name:" Thanks for the replies ladies. I guess I should've put the whole story.. Q knew that her daughters father ... [snip!] ... a ventilator for 8 days (medically induced coma) She's fully recovered now and with a foster family, but Q still has visitation"

....she left her kid with a sex offender? Woah...

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kaysay:</b>" ....she left her kid with a sex offender? Woah..."</blockquote>


   

IDK - I think I would tell at some point but not sure when. When born you have a full formed amygdalla & as such it is capable of storing memories of emotions but not the events that caused those emotions. Without the memories of events, it can be hard to actually properly do any amount of working through those feelings. I have a niece who went through some stuff (nothing like this) and it has left her with reactive attachment disorder. it was all when she was under a year old & she remembers none of it - but what happened that triggered it is an important part of her therapy because it is where the seeds of her inability to attach in a healthy way comes from.


So not telling doesn't mean she won't have emotion & mental baggage from it - it just means she will never know when it started or why. I would rather there be no need for her to know, but I am not sure that is realistic for what maybe the healthiest way to get to resolution.