re: Your SO is tampering with your BC....D/D

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" I really can't fathom the number of women who would actually stay."

I love my SO with all my heart, we have been through hell and back together and honestly? Our relationship is very, very committed, that means good times and bad, that is the problem with marriage these days - people aren't willing to commit or have very loose ideas of what commitment is.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I love my SO with all my heart, we have been through hell and back together and honestly? Our relationship ... [snip!] ... that is the problem with marriage these days - people aren't willing to commit or have very loose ideas of what commitment is. "

Really though, I don't think leaving your SO for doing something like this shows a "lack of commitment" on the woman's part. If anything, he shattered the commitment and honor that comes along with the relationship when he chose to violate not only my trust, but my body.

I suppose it just depends on how serious of an offense you consider this to be. I personally could never trust my husband/SO again if he did something like this. I'm more than an incubator for the fetus he took it upon himself to dupe me into carrying. I'm his partner. I would view that partnership as broken after something like this.

Quoting Crystallized:" Really though, I don't think leaving your SO for doing something like this shows a "lack of commitment" ... [snip!] ... it upon himself to dupe me into carrying. I'm his partner. I would view that partnership as broken after something like this."

I mean, commitment obviously means different things to different people - but I do feel as though a lot of people just give up and walk out too easily, KWIM? I can TOTALLY get why people would choose to leave in this situation, but for me, personally, I wouldn't because the definition of commitment in our relationship means going beyond something like this - does that make more sense?

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I mean, commitment obviously means different things to different people - but I do feel as though a ... [snip!] ... because the definition of commitment in our relationship means going beyond something like this - does that make more sense?"

Ah, gotcha.
Different circumstances for different people. I commend you. I think my parents crappy relationship might have left me a bit jaded and less "tolerant" for a lack of a better word, but I couldn't deal with something like this and have the relationship actually make it.

Quoting Crystallized:" Ah, gotcha. Different circumstances for different people. I commend you. I think my parents crappy relationship ... [snip!] ... for a lack of a better word, but I couldn't deal with something like this and have the relationship actually make it. "

Thats a good point, too - I know a lot of people whose parents either divorced or had bad marriages and they now have difficulty or reservations themselves. I was incredibly lucky because my parents have been married for close to 30 years and are still very happy. That being said, I STILL have issues, I have kids from previous relationships and all that jazz. I also think it's just part of our culture and society these days.

Despite what I said about commitment, though - I still think that the freedom of being able to divorce and not have that stigma hanging around is really important.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I love my SO with all my heart, we have been through hell and back together and honestly? Our relationship ... [snip!] ... that is the problem with marriage these days - people aren't willing to commit or have very loose ideas of what commitment is. "

I think that if your SO is smurfing with your bc to have a child YOU don't want is pushing the limits of commitment tbh. The person obviously has no respect for you, and is a selfish prick. And most marriages that fail do so because people are simply not meant to be married.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" I think that if your SO is smurfing with your bc to have a child YOU don't want is pushing the limits ... [snip!] ... respect for you, and is a selfish prick. And most marriages that fail do so because people are simply not meant to be married."

LOL, Ok - I'll play your way, then - prove it. ;)

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" LOL, Ok - I'll play your way, then - prove it. ;)"

Prove what? The fact that they don't respect you? I think that is pretty obvious from the fact they would even consider doing something like that.

Quoting MysticWitchKat:" Prove what? The fact that they don't respect you? I think that is pretty obvious from the fact they would even consider doing something like that."

No that people just aren't meant to be married instead of people not putting as much value on commitment.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" No that people just aren't meant to be married instead of people not putting as much value on commitment. "

I figure that anyone not willing to try just don't have that spark needed to make it work or our just are too immature to be married at the time. Either which way the marriage was doomed from the start. People never put much value into commitment personally, it was just external forces pushed people to stay together.

Yeah, smurf that. If DH did something like that, he is either A) needs mental help or B) obviously doesn't care about me enough to respect my decision.

Realistically, I think I would leave, try to get him some help, and decide from there whether to continue the pregnancy or abort depending on my life situation at the time.

I'd stay. I have 2 kids already & would not leave over this - I'd just make sure he got snipped after this & I watched it happen & then I'd get a tubal. And then there would be counseling.

We're pretty happy overall & our kids are good - I would hate to walk away from that over something I think we could work through. If that is the only issue going on, then it's one I think is worth working on for me.

I think it's a crap thing to do to someone obviously - but I'd be less upset over that than say an affair.

I would stay and keep the baby. After baby, I would get my tubes tied.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I love my SO with all my heart, we have been through hell and back together and honestly? Our relationship ... [snip!] ... that is the problem with marriage these days - people aren't willing to commit or have very loose ideas of what commitment is. "

See, if he was willing to really betray me like that, then he is clearly not commited. While I agree some couples call it quits to soon, doing something like that is just about abusive. It is purposely forcing a woman to carry a baby you know she doesn't want. It's taking away her choices. How could I possibly trust my husband if he thinks so little of me to take away my choice and my right to decide whether or not I want to get pregnant? To essentially FORCE me to carry a baby for him?

Nope. If he did that it would show a complete lack of respect for me, and what would that really say about his commitment to me or the marriage?

I would probably abort. Finances aren't the only reason to not have a baby. There's so much more to it than that. Also, yes I think he should be charged. Messing with a woman's birth control isn't exactly the same as a woman lying about birth control. Yes they are EQUALLY BAD AND DISRESPECTFUL, but when a woman lies about it she is not messing with someone's meds. Birth control is a medication of sorts, and it's illegal to tamper with someone's prescriptions.
Also, I would probably leave him because that would be the ultimate betrayal and would show me he does not respect me at all.