Past relationship grudges/ kids *HELP*

So idk if its just me, or if it happens to everyone... I feel like I treat my daughter different (not by choice) than I do my son. My daughter is from a previous relationship and her dad was horribly mean and vandictive. I want whats best for her, and nothing less! I am now in a relationship and getting married to my sons father. And to be honest I feel like I'm holding my grudges against my daughter when its all because of her dad.... He hasnt seen her more than 5 times in the last 6 years. She is my world and I dont want her to hate me, or feel as though she isnt special to me. I love her and it breaks my heart thinking that I might be doing this to her.... Help please.... how do I get over the pain and hurt from the past so it stops affecting my princess!

What is it that you do to her? How do you treat her differently?

They are two different people so I am not sure why that would make you treat her differently...

That's really sad though.  

I feel horrible for her. She is also YOUR child. Why on Earth would you treat her differently because you chose to procreate with an smurf?

I think you should keep it foremost in your mind from now on. Always do things to make her feel extra special. Don't discount or ignore her, or demean her in any way. Always try to praise and encourage her.

Are you treating her worse than you do your son?
All that I can think of it that your precious little girl couldn't help the problems btwn you and yr ex. If you embrace your past and manage to move on from what had happened with your ex in the past you may be able to overcome it and not allow it to affect your relationship with your daughter.
My sister treats her 10yr old daughter by her ex differently than her 3yr old son with her current husband. I feel so bad for my niece, she lives with my mom since she can not get along with hers. My sister even said once "I can not look at her without thinking of everything he did to me" :'(

I am not mean to her or anything. I feel like I am way harder on her then my son... I think that its because her dad is in prison for some pretty harsh stuff and I dont want her to think that its ok or "cool" to get in to trouble... I know that she knows I love her and would give the world to her if I could, but Idk if its just because shes getting older and more independant or what her dad did in the past

And know I chose to have her with him... I do not demean her at all. We do a ton of super specials with just her, because of the fact that I dont want her to feel brushed off or pushed to the side.

I guess what the main purpose to my post is how have others gotten past and over the physical/mental/emotional pain from an ex so that it doesnt affect your children...

Quoting Angie Harmon:" I guess what the main purpose to my post is how have others gotten past and over the physical/mental/emotional pain from an ex so that it doesnt affect your children..."

I have a 10 year old a 9 year old and a 9 month old. The older 2 have the same Dad, who was a abusive POS. The younger one is with my current SO. I have never treated any of them any differently, because they're all my babies. I don't look at them and think of their Father. I look at them and see my baby. I always make sure to tell them that just because they don't have the same bio Fathers, it doesn't mean I love any single one of them less. My SO is also sure to tell them that he loves them exactly the same as he does LO.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal Marie S.:</b>" I have a 10 year old a 9 year old and a 9 month old. The older 2 have the same Dad, who was a abusive ... [snip!] ... mean I love any single one of them less. My SO is also sure to tell them that he loves them exactly the same as he does LO."</blockquote>




Exactly!
OP, All you can do is make a concious effort to change the behavior you think is unfair to her. Just because her dad is a smurf up, doesn't mean she will be so lighten up. Give her more credit than that, and dont hold the things hes done against her. Shes just an innocent child.
And if you think it's your residual pain and resentment toward her dad causing youtoo mistreat her, I strongly suggest some counciling for you. It's great that you are trying make her feel special but kids are much more intuitive than you think and she can probably feel that negativity coming from you. Kwim? Good luck to you.