damn, so close but so far....

I was so close to getting my GED or so I thought... Now I found out that instead of needed $20 more I need almost $100.   I was so excited.... I have been saving my tips from work so that I would be able to get it soon. I have waited for almost 6 years for it.... Something always came up when we had the money and I had to use it for something else.
It feels like as soon as I get close to something to better myself it gets pulled a little farther away just out of reach. I came home and counted the money up and thought "just one more day of work and I will have it just ONE more day!" Now if nothing comes up it will be at least 3-4 days if not a week. And that is saying if nothing comes up. It always does. I'm so depressed right now. I thought that if I could possibly sign up for it next week then I could take it possibly next month and then I would have the results in plenty of time to sign up for spring classes at the tech school.
It just isn't right. I worked hard in school. I was homeschooled and we found out a little to late that we were not doing the right curriculum for me to take the test through the school system. I would have had to repeat 2 years of high school to do it.I did go all the way through 12th grade.
Then I got together with my husband and it was a whirlwind. We got married quick, had our son not 6 days after our 1st anniversary and then our daughter a year later. I do not regret it. They are the most wonderful things in my life.
I feel like such a failure though. I'm 23 almost 24 I do not have a GED. I'm a delivery driver for a pizza place. We live with my parents because we cannot afford to live on our own. All I ever wanted was to be able to go to school and have a decent job and a place that I can call my own. I want my kids to be proud of me when they get older. But how can they be proud of me when I am a failure??
Sorry for being all depressive but I'm so tired of holding it all in. I try to keep a smile for the kids on at all times. I do not want them to see me upset or crying because they get upset when I cry.
All I can think of is getting another $100 up and keeping it is like trying to raise a thousand. Something is all ways going to come up. Do not get me wrong, I am not giving up. I just have to get this out somewhere. I can't talk to my husband about it he isn't here. Hes a truck driver and we only get to talk on the phone for a little bit out of the day and I know that if I bring this up to him that I am going to start crying and I do not want him to hear me crying over the phone. It hurts him.

Oh mama just keep your chin up. You will make it happen if you really want it to!

keep ur head up, my hubby and i have been living and making it on our own together since i turned 18 nine years ago, i also got my GED but it was only 50$ and because i passed it with flying colors they waived the 50$ so i didnt have to pay a dime, so u should look into that, u guys should be okay, i worked as a waitress, my husband was on disability due to his liver transplant for 10 years prior and we could afford our own apartment, after the years went by he got his transplant, got a great job and know we purchased our own house 3 years ago, if u really want it u can get there, stay positive!

If I was you, I would give the money to someone I trusted to hold onto until I had made enough to pay for the GED. You'll always be able to find another way to spend it, so just give it to someone else so it's outta sight, outta mind. You do need to spend money if you ever want to make money. Everyone spends money on things that they don't need, go through your expenses and eliminate any that you can find (example: buying coffee from starbucks). It will make things tight, but this is an investment that will better the rest of your life, as well as your kids.

Quoting Love = Moco and Bubba:" Oh mama just keep your chin up. You will make it happen if you really want it to! "

I'm trying I am really trying. I feel like the one thing that I wanted for me this year and all the years before was just snatched out from under me. My fingertips were on it it was so freaking close 2 months ago it was $90 I looked it up after I got home and counted the money and did my happy dance. I thought "there is no way that they have changed it this soon but I will check just to be sure." and sure enough... they close to doubled it. I do not even have half the amount that I need.

Quoting Meagan Norton:" keep ur head up, my hubby and i have been living and making it on our own together since i turned 18 ... [snip!] ... got a great job and know we purchased our own house 3 years ago, if u really want it u can get there, stay positive!"

Thank you that makes me feel better! I am trying to stay positive but its hard to  

Quoting K&T:" If I was you, I would give the money to someone I trusted to hold onto until I had made enough to pay ... [snip!] ... starbucks). It will make things tight, but this is an investment that will better the rest of your life, as well as your kids. "

We have done that. We cut everything out that isn't needed. We buy the things that we cannot live with out and scrape and scrape but it always goes to bills or something that the kids need.

It is an investment that will better our lives. As soon as I can get it and pass it I am going to get into school. Get a better job where I am not going into shady places and having to deal with shady people. Like tonight I got cornered in the parking lot by an older guy that kept asking me to go somewhere with him even after I told him that I was married. And night before last I delivered a pizza to this apartment that the guy basically tried to push me into his apartment. I hate my job. I am scared most of the time. I deal with drunks all the time and everyone that I work with has been robbed at least once. One of them was right outside of our work place when they were robbed. I keep thinking every time I go to work that I am going to be robbed or killed or worse.

Quoting Livin Dead Girl:" We have done that. We cut everything out that isn't needed. We buy the things that we cannot live with ... [snip!] ... our work place when they were robbed. I keep thinking every time I go to work that I am going to be robbed or killed or worse. "

That's really smurffy, I feel really bad for you. I couldn't imagine. Is there any kind of program around you that could help pay for it. I don't know what your welfare system is like where you live, but is there any kind of funding that could help pay for it? Sounds like you have a really smurffy economy where you are living, and that always makes smurf tough. Is the GED only available through one place?

Quoting K&T:" That's really smurffy, I feel really bad for you. I couldn't imagine. Is there any kind of program around ... [snip!] ... a really smurffy economy where you are living, and that always makes smurf tough. Is the GED only available through one place? "

the only places that you can get it through is the tech schools around here. They all say that it is the same price to get it. I have asked about programs or help getting it but they all say the same thing. That the only help they offer is free classes to help you get ready for it. I am already ready for it.
Its not all smurffy here. There are good parts of the towns around us and bad parts. Somehow in the rotation I get the bad parts.

update: Yesterday went better then I expected! I should have the rest of the money tonight to get my GED! I only need $41 more to get it!!! I'm happy and excited again!!!