re: wwyd

What i would do it send him an invite but on his invite as another mom mentioned, say a parent needs to be present with the child at the birthday party. Or you can ask for the moms number
Biting and causing stitches is unexceptable.
Maybe he has health issues that are not ruled out yet, but that is not an excemption still

This is ridiculous. I would never invite someone my daughter didn't want at her party just to please them or their parents. Everyone worries too much about making everyone happy. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, but one child's birthday party is not a right to every other kid just because they go to school together. Good lord.
And to the comments that this is why the kid acts out, or it's just making matters worse, perhaps. The kid probably needs attention he doesn't get at home. Unfortunately, that's not up to the parent throwing the party to worry about.

well either invite him or maybe dont invite all the kids have her invite only 5 or something or just the girls ,the have his parent acompany him the leave the parents number thing could backfire tho the parent might not answer the phone and hed be stuck there being a jerk u really shouldnt be the only parent any way to watch all the kids u wont be able to give ur kid all the attention on the special day maybe invite all the parents to stay that works good to

<blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" This is ridiculous. I would never invite someone my daughter didn't want at her party just to please ... [snip!] ... probably needs attention he doesn't get at home. Unfortunately, that's not up to the parent throwing the party to worry about. "</blockquote>




I think you need to chill your smurf. I'm not ridiculous because I care about this kid's feelings. I don't want to hurt him, even if he's a terror. I was the kid that always got excluded because I was "weird". That smurf kills little kids. I don't want to invite him, but I don't want to not invite him either.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lacie Heethuis-Roy:</b>" well either invite him or maybe dont invite all the kids have her invite only 5 or something or just ... [snip!] ... kids u wont be able to give ur kid all the attention on the special day maybe invite all the parents to stay that works good to"</blockquote>



Damn is it really that common of a thing to leave your 4 year old alone at a party?   I have never been to a birthday party where the parents didn't stay. If someone tried to drop their kid and dip I'd be like "uh...no  "

Quoting dat uterus tho:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" This is ridiculous. I would never invite ... [snip!] ... because I was "weird". That smurf kills little kids. I don't want to invite him, but I don't want to not invite him either."

I didn't mean your post was ridiculous, I meant the fact that schools have an "all or nothing" policy. It shouldn't be a rule, it should be up to the parents. If you want to invite someone, cool, but if you don't, you shouldn't risk ridicule or negative consequences. I understand you not wanting to hurt feelings, but you shouldn't have to invite him if you really didn't want to. Does that make more sense?

<blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" I didn't mean your post was ridiculous, I meant the fact that schools have an "all or nothing" policy. ... [snip!] ... you not wanting to hurt feelings, but you shouldn't have to invite him if you really didn't want to. Does that make more sense?"</blockquote>


Yes, sorry for jumping your ass  

Quoting dat uterus tho:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" I didn't mean your post was ridiculous, ... [snip!] ... invite him if you really didn't want to. Does that make more sense?"</blockquote> Yes, sorry for jumping your ass  "

Nah, no need to apologize, haha. I reread my post and it sounded pretty rude. I just hate how much parents get guilt tripped into things. I mean, it's not your fault that the other kid is mean. And that's what it sounds like. Not that he's just a weirdo or anything, but that he's a bully. Maybe if he doesn't get invited to a few parties, his parents would realize that there's a problem. Or maybe he'd make more of an effort to be nice!

<blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" Nah, no need to apologize, haha. I reread my post and it sounded pretty rude. I just hate how much parents ... [snip!] ... invited to a few parties, his parents would realize that there's a problem. Or maybe he'd make more of an effort to be nice!"</blockquote>




He's just barely 4. I think he either has some behavioral issues or he doesn't get attention or boundaries at home, or both. His mom is a very passive woman and I get the impression dad isn't home much. I feel bad for the kid but I feel bad for the kids he hurts, too.

Quoting dat uterus tho:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *sarah*jean*:</b>" Nah, no need to apologize, haha. I reread ... [snip!] ... passive woman and I get the impression dad isn't home much. I feel bad for the kid but I feel bad for the kids he hurts, too."

Yeah, that's really hard. I worked in child care for quite a while, and it ended up that those types of kids were my favorites. It's obvious when they need the extra love, and it's crazy how much it helps to be that person for them. Unfortunately, it's not something you can do while hosting a birthday party  
I completely understand where you're coming from and wish you the best. Maybe volunteer in her room a day before your party? Maybe if you spend some one on one time around him, you could get a feel for how it would go if you invited him.

I like the idea of asking your daughter to pick here 8 or 10 best friends and have them there.
Large parties are harder to manage. A lot of the parents will bail on you.

How long does the party go for? where is it at etc? It will make a difference as to how many parents stay vs go, if other siblings attend as well.

First off, I've never heard of a school making parents invite everyone to their child's party. How can they dictate what a parent does outside of the school on their own free time? How would they stop a parent from sending out invites to the kids addresses? What are they going to do? Kick the kid out of the school? Ridiculous.
OP, it's a tough call. I understand not wanting to make the child feel excluded. Afterall, what if he's acting out because he's bring abused at home? But honestly, this is your daughter's day and it should be about what she wants. If you honestly think him coming would completely ruin the party, then maybe it's best you don't invite him. Maybe you could give the invites to the teacher and have her discreetly pass them out at the end of the day? Or send them to the kids' addresses?
Whatever you decide, I hope all goes well!

Ive been in this situation twice. Yes parents do drop and leave their 4 year olds unless otherwise explained. Also I only allow them to invite 5-10 really good friends and have them discreetly put the invites in their backpacks at school with the big lecture about not excluding or hurting others feelings. I also do this to teach my kids that you shouldnt attend a party just for the party but to celebrate with someone you care about-so if you dont like them dont use them for a party. I think the thing that is getting everyone riled up is the fact that it is only 1 kid being left out-imagine how youd feel if you knew you were selectively excluded opposed to having the thought that maybe they were only inviting so many kids-kwim.

<blockquote><b>Quoting mama3trish:</b>" Ive been in this situation twice. Yes parents do drop and leave their 4 year olds unless otherwise explained. ... [snip!] ... if you knew you were selectively excluded opposed to having the thought that maybe they were only inviting so many kids-kwim."</blockquote>



And I already said its happened to me, and it sucks and that's why I'm having a hard time with the decision.

There are only 13 other kids in her class.

Quoting dat uterus tho:" <blockquote><b>Quoting mama3trish:</b>" Ive been in this situation twice. Yes parents ... [snip!] ... to me, and it sucks and that's why I'm having a hard time with the decision. There are only 13 other kids in her class."

You are a little on the defensive-I meant that we have not wanted to invite a certain kid a few times, not that we havent been invited-meaning I understand where you are coming from. Id just invite the girls and family friends then-but do whatever works for you.