i dont smurfing know!

i dont know what the hell to do! please dont judge or be rude. i want to know what you would do in this situation like realisticly! ok so quick run down, so is on probation and is getting out of rehab thursday he has been clean for 10 months but his PO wanted him to go to rehab.. so his PO doesnt want him living with me cause we are not married, nor will she give us the ok to get married so he has to get everything approved first! i feel like we are smurfing children and cant make decisions! well he is in this program so that he gets his record clean but he can also do a medical discharge and get out and just do probation not the program (which the program is whats holding us back). not only is it holding us back with living and marriage he also cant work unless its approved or go to school or ANYTHING! i wanted him to stay in this program so get his smurf straightened out but now i want him to get out... so that we can have a life and so he can get a job and go to school and we can start our family and life together... i know its a really short explination.. please ask if you dont understand anything but what would you have your SO do if put in this situation.. his PO said she will think about us living together "maybe" AFTER i have the baby!!! uhh i need his help now we have 3 kids not just 1!



HERES THE DEAL:
ok he is on probation and in a program called the ROC program he had to do rehab for the program , but he doesnt have to do the ROC program it is optional however he will still have to do probation. but if he just went with probation he could work and go to school we could get into our own place and what not..

Ummm he should do the program. That's the consequences of his actions and addiction is nothing to mess with. It's selfish of you to want him to get out when rehab is realistically what is best for him .

Quoting Baby peaches mama:" i dont know what the hell to do! please dont judge or be rude. i want to know what you would do in this ... [snip!] ... she will think about us living together "maybe" AFTER i have the baby!!! uhh i need his help now we have 3 kids not just 1!"

Does he really have a choice? Usually probation is mandatory, not optional.

Quoting Baby peaches mama:" i dont know what the hell to do! please dont judge or be rude. i want to know what you would do in this ... [snip!] ... she will think about us living together "maybe" AFTER i have the baby!!! uhh i need his help now we have 3 kids not just 1!"

It sounds like it is required for his probation.

Although I find it odd that they are concerning themselves with something like marriage, if he has to do it, you guys have to suck it up for a bit and do what needs to be done.

Ummm....He needs to complete the program. HE smurfed up, he needs to take care of his smurf. Sorry it's an inconvenience for you but that's all on him, not you. You need to do what's best for you and your kids, not try and talk your SO out of this program that he NEEDS just so you can be with him sooner.

Quoting Baby peaches mama:" i dont know what the hell to do! please dont judge or be rude. i want to know what you would do in this ... [snip!] ... she will think about us living together "maybe" AFTER i have the baby!!! uhh i need his help now we have 3 kids not just 1!"

I would have him complete the program regardless and have a very serious conversation with that woman about living arrangements and marriage. Since ya'll have kids together she should not be holding ya'll back.

Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" Ummm he should do the program. That's the consequences of his actions and addiction is nothing to mess ... [snip!] ... is nothing to mess with. It's selfish of you to want him to get out when rehab is realistically what is best for him ."

he is done with rehab and he wanted to get out but i kept telling him no and now im kindof on board with it...

Do you have some sort of record that is keeping the probation officer from letting him live with you?

They generally make those rules for the well being of their ...case, not just to be mean.

You sound selfish. I understand you want to get married to him and live with him but he needs to deal with the consequences of his actions and you need to deal with that as well. If he gets out early, he may relapse and be in even more smurf. I don't think you want that. Maybe he and you should have thought about all of this before he did whatever he did to get on probation in the first place.

Quoting Baby peaches mama:" he is done with rehab and he wanted to get out but i kept telling him no and now im kindof on board with it..."

Went back and read... it's confusing but I would have him complete the program.

ok i edited at the top under "HERES THE DEAL: hopefully you girls can understand better lol sorry i wasnt super clear about it ..

For the record OP, I wasn't trying to be smurffy. It's just how you came off before editing, that's all.

I think this is the perfect time for you to have a chance to see if he is able to commit and follow through with the changes he has made in his life. It may be a good thing that the PO wants you guys to wait for marriage. You really don't need to rush into things when his recent problems of the past are something that could still destroy your future.
I hope your SO is successful, but it give it time because relapse is a very frequent occurrence.

Quoting Jaye Lynn:" I would have him complete the program regardless and have a very serious conversation with that woman ... [snip!] ... with that woman about living arrangements and marriage. Since ya'll have kids together she should not be holding ya'll back."

thanks this is the kind of response i was looking for.. like i didnt knock myself up and he wants to be here to help me so now that he will be done with rehab why wouldnt they want him to take care of his responsibilities too..?

Quoting [♥]Mrs. Morgan:" Do you have some sort of record that is keeping the probation officer from letting him live with you? They generally make those rules for the well being of their ...case, not just to be mean."

i have absolutly nothing on my record at all!!!