Paranoid hormones or not?

OK so, last night I noticed DH was on his phone a lot more. He's never on his phone at night or a lot. Well, that brought up some history in my head (The history being when him and I were 6 months into our relationship he was talking to someone else. I ended things and we got back together after a yr or so. *We've been together for almost 8 yrs now*). Also, last night I asked to use his phone since mine was dying and on the charger he got defensive saying remarks like you only want my phone to go through it. (Made me wonder) I said no mine is dead and charging if there's nothing to hide then no reason for me to check... Well, this morning I kept thinking over and over about his comment. So, I checked his facebook (I know I shouldn't have but I wanted my mind at ease). Well, I found 2 messages with 2 different females (I don't know them.). The first messaged seemed innocent he was just asking the female why she moved and how she liked living in Florida. Ok, so on to the next one the conversation seemed to be about me and asked her why all the booty was settling down and if he could take her to 4th street (local street filled with bars) because she'd never been. She tried to give him pointers on being more romantic with me but he seemed to try and make the conversation about her and him hanging out. So, is it me being a paranoid hormonal pregnant wife or is there something "trying" to go on there? Do I ask him about it or wait till they actually try to hang out? He also deleted the majority of all the conversations between the 2 messages. I just want to yell right now on the top of my lungs asking him if he wants this relationship, if he truly is still in love with me and just to be honest. I can and will and capable of raising our children without his help (not that he helps a whole lot right now). Advice please. TIA

I'd be a little suspicious. Especially discussing your sex life, or lack thereof, with another woman.

He asked her to go out with him, I would be pissed.

Have a conversation, try to be as calm and open as possible without accusing. Don't give him a reason to tell you you're just acting crazy. It could be innocent, could be girl he's genuinely just friends with and hasn't seen in a long time and wants to hang out with. Friends is one thing. Trying to hook up is another. Ask him which this situation is. Is he interested in being with you or someone else? Ask him to just be honest with you. Being calm and rational is the only way you'll get an honest, straight answer. Screaming and going off will only make you look paranoid and crazy and gives him all the power.

That's a tough situation. I would be completely honest with him about him you feel and blame hormones if its nothing. Every relationship is different but that's what I would do with my hubby.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" I'd be a little suspicious. Especially discussing your sex life, or lack thereof, with another woman."

Our sex life has gone down a bit due to our different sleeping schedules. He is bed or laying down between 7 & 8 and I normally don't go to bed till after all the kids are asleep which is around 9:30 and finish up dishes or anything I need to do to make the next day easier. By the time he gets home from work I am picking kids up from school or daycare.

Quoting .B.:" He asked her to go out with him, I would be pissed."

Yes, to do a bar where it's always half naked girls and drunks. We only go to that bar a few times mainly birthdays or New Year's Eve things like that because it does get crazy there. Guys always hit on me and girls are always trying to make out with him.

Quoting Crystallee Newton:" Have a conversation, try to be as calm and open as possible without accusing. Don't give him a reason ... [snip!] ... get an honest, straight answer. Screaming and going off will only make you look paranoid and crazy and gives him all the power."

Sounds like a plan but what if I start getting emotional (everything makes me cry right now) or he pauses before an answer?

Quoting s00nt0b04:" OK so, last night I noticed DH was on his phone a lot more. He's never on his phone at night or a lot. ... [snip!] ... can and will and capable of raising our children without his help (not that he helps a whole lot right now). Advice please. TIA"

From experience being the 2nd girl he is talking to, it looks like he went to her and was whining. And outta discomfort and because she may be a friend, she tried to give pointers and advice. He kept changing the subject and she simply didn't know how to reject him. I don't think she is a concern, but his behavior definitely is. My ex was doing that smurf, so I waited til he was asleep, took his phone and went through it. I paid the bill on it and he stayed at home smurfing women in our bed, so I felt like it was justified.

I would never snoop my current man's phone. I trust him.

Quoting Naocorn:" From experience being the 2nd girl he is talking to, it looks like he went to her and was whining. ... [snip!] ... at home smurfing women in our bed, so I felt like it was justified. I would never snoop my current man's phone. I trust him."

I'd ask the girls but don't want to seem like a jealous weirdo and go tell him about. He deletes everything in phone but he's always done that because he can't stand messages on his phone for longer than a day. I am the same way.

Also, ask him flat out. If he isn't cheating he will say "No." If he is, then his first response will be to reply that YOU must be crazy. This isn't always effective, but usually cheaters try to make you feel crazy and doubt yourself and they are usually defensive. If he's cheating be prepared to start hearing insults as well.

<blockquote><b>Quoting s00nt0b04:</b>" Yes, to do a bar where it's always half naked girls and drunks. We only go to that bar a few times mainly ... [snip!] ... Eve things like that because it does get crazy there. Guys always hit on me and girls are always trying to make out with him. "</blockquote>



Maybe you should approach not with a "are you cheating" type question, but just tell him you noticed he made plans with a girl who you aren't familiar with and you want to know when he was going to tell you about his plans and whatnot. And from the type of environment you are describing it as and the fact that he didn't tell you, it doesn't sound like an innocent "catching up with an old friend" scenario. If that were the case, I think he would tell you and probably go somewhere more tame where they could really sit and talk like a restaurant or coffee shop, KWIM? Sounds shady to me. Just try not to get super emotional or accusatory when you talk to him because guys don't respond well to that in conversations.

Quoting s00nt0b04:" I'd ask the girls but don't want to seem like a jealous weirdo and go tell him about. He deletes everything ... [snip!] ... in phone but he's always done that because he can't stand messages on his phone for longer than a day. I am the same way. "

He will forget to delete. My ex did.

Quoting Naocorn:" Also, ask him flat out. If he isn't cheating he will say "No." If he is, then his first response will ... [snip!] ... feel crazy and doubt yourself and they are usually defensive. If he's cheating be prepared to start hearing insults as well."

I don't think he's cheating. He really has no time for that. His schedule hasn't changed he is still home his normal hours and calls me from work while he's there not his cell. He'll call from his cell on his way which is normally the same times.

<blockquote><b>Quoting s00nt0b04:</b>" Sounds like a plan but what if I start getting emotional (everything makes me cry right now) or he pauses before an answer?"</blockquote>




I would avoid getting emotional. And if he pauses for an answer then that obviously means it's an answer he isn't sure about or is trying to think of something different to say.