re: Paranoid hormones or not?

<blockquote><b>Quoting s00nt0b04:</b>" I don't think he's cheating. He really has no time for that. His schedule hasn't changed he is still ... [snip!] ... and calls me from work while he's there not his cell. He'll call from his cell on his way which is normally the same times. "</blockquote>




Either way, he's your husband and should be telling you about making plans with other females. Especially one that you don't know.

Quoting s00nt0b04:" I don't think he's cheating. He really has no time for that. His schedule hasn't changed he is still ... [snip!] ... and calls me from work while he's there not his cell. He'll call from his cell on his way which is normally the same times. "

Talking is cheating. But I would calmly talk with him. Non-accusatory, because if you don't, it will fester til you snap.

Quoting Naocorn:" From experience being the 2nd girl he is talking to, it looks like he went to her and was whining. ... [snip!] ... at home smurfing women in our bed, so I felt like it was justified. I would never snoop my current man's phone. I trust him."

i was thinking the same thing....it sounds like he was looking for someone to ''whine'' or ''vent'' too and possible wanted to do it in person (hence the trying to set up meeting at the bar) so there wouldnt be ''traceable'' messages. I dont think its right for guys to ''turn 2'' other women in these situations but it happens alot and even though it can start out very innocent, things can get carried away. Exspecailly when there is lack of communication between partners. As u yourself admitted u are very emotional and he may feel like he cant come to you w/his concerns.

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting s00nt0b04:</b>" Yes, to do a bar where it's always half naked ... [snip!] ... try not to get super emotional or accusatory when you talk to him because guys don't respond well to that in conversations."

True. Yes I know what you mean. Dh doesn't respond well when he is being confronted about things. Never has.

Quoting s00nt0b04:" Sounds like a plan but what if I start getting emotional (everything makes me cry right now) or he pauses before an answer?"

Everything makes me cry anyway, haha. I bite my lip or inside of my cheek, pinch my hand, look away, pull my hair, anything he can't see that will distract you from crying. But crying is one thing, screaming and accusing is another. Ask yourself: do you want an honest answer now, or do you want to hold out a few more years of him going behind your back like this and find out then? Will you leave him if he is cheating? What if he's not, but wants to/plans to? Work all that out for yourself before you have the conversation, that way you're confident in what your next move is no matter how the conversation goes. Usually your instincts are right, and his behavior is definitely sketchy, but give him a chance to explain himself, that way you're not left with doubts or questions. Give him an opportunity to be straight with you, that way if he says "no it's nothing, you're just being crazy." and you still find evidence of these kinds of conversations with other women, you know he's definitely covering up something scandalous. People don't lie to cover up innocent things.

Quoting O ♥ G:" <blockquote><b>Quoting s00nt0b04:</b>" I don't think he's cheating. He really has ... [snip!] ... way, he's your husband and should be telling you about making plans with other females. Especially one that you don't know."

True. Good point.

when my husband and i first started out our relationship, i found some stuff i didn't find appropriate and i told him straight up, it would eat at me if i had waited... so anyways i asked him about it and he came forward about it all and i told him i didn't trust him much anymore since i find it very hard to trust many people now a days, it took about a year or so for him to gain that trust back and to this day i fully trust him and he lets me know about most things just like i do with him. I wouldn't just hold off just because you went through his stuff, i would start out calmly and ask him about it and if he gets pissed off that you went through his smurf, then o well he will either get over it and apologize or pretty much smurf himself over and lose you. whether it is just innocent conversation, he will tell you straight up as long as he wants to keep the relationship between the 2 of you. don't take that smurf from any guy

Like I said, people don't try to hide innocent things, if he's deleting messages, that's a huge red flag.

Quoting Crystallee Newton:" Everything makes me cry anyway, haha. I bite my lip or inside of my cheek, pinch my hand, look away, ... [snip!] ... with other women, you know he's definitely covering up something scandalous. People don't lie to cover up innocent things. "

I know if he is cheating I won't be around. Thanks but no thanks I wouldn't be able to sleep next to someone who doesn't really want me and only me. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I know if he isn't sure on what he wants then we can break off for awhile then go from there. I know I will ask for child spport (how much I don't know yet). I know that I want to know even if it will hurt like hell. I cannot be a fool. We know too many of the same people who talk and I will not look like a idiot wife who stands by and looks the way while he gets his rocks off with another women. I know I can accept whatever it is but I can't accept a lie then find out more later. If that makes sense.

Now, I have to work the conversation out in my head. Thank you ladies for being understanding and so helpful. Really. I know I will not lose my mind now and a little less angry. I just don't want to start the conversation "Hey can we talk" because then he will know that I know something and either think of things to say or speak before I can or get the chance.

Quoting s00nt0b04:" Now, I have to work the conversation out in my head. Thank you ladies for being understanding and so ... [snip!] ... because then he will know that I know something and either think of things to say or speak before I can or get the chance. "

I find it better to start off those kind of conversations with,'' i feel we've been distant w/each other lately. is there something we need to work on to get things going good again?'' That opener, doesnt place any blame but opens the lines of communication in a non threatning way. It states that u recognized there is a problem and want to resolve it like an adult.

Bad timing? Should I hold off for now until DH finds out about his grandmother (health wise)? We just found out like 5 minutes ago the doctors have to put in a trac (sp?) and moving to a long term care hospital if they can't ween her off the vent she will suffocate and if they trac don't work then it's family decision to plug. He is heartbroken then stress from work and now I don't want to add to it. While talking to him he says we have a baby on the way, i feel like our love needs to be rekindled and my gma may die and i don't see my family due to working so much i am overwhelmed. What now?

Sorry for typos or anything just got home from eye doctor and eyes are dialated

Quoting s00nt0b04:" Bad timing? Should I hold off for now until DH finds out about his grandmother (health wise)? We just ... [snip!] ... working so much i am overwhelmed. What now? Sorry for typos or anything just got home from eye doctor and eyes are dialated "

those issue may have been what he wanted to hang out at the bar w/his ''friend'' and vent about and now he has shared them w/you and opened the communication lines....make sure you keep them open.

Quoting 6 blessings so far....:" those issue may have been what he wanted to hang out at the bar w/his ''friend'' and vent about and now he has shared them w/you and opened the communication lines....make sure you keep them open."

That's a good idea but I for a lack of better words hate advising him on is job problems so what's an idea for that? I'm thinking it may have been the issue and glad he had said something. I try to tell him talk to his other supervisor but his supervisors use him as the middle man.

Quoting s00nt0b04:" That's a good idea but I for a lack of better words hate advising him on is job problems so what's an ... [snip!] ... and glad he had said something. I try to tell him talk to his other supervisor but his supervisors use him as the middle man."

can he go to the ''big boss'' (his supervisors boss) and discuss the issues at hand. That is very unprofessional for the supervisors to use him as a ''middle man''