I knew you were dead. I mean, I was there when we pulled the plug and took you off of life support. But my brain just never completely accepted it. All day I would catch myself thinking, I wonder what Luis is doing today, I wonder if he wants to come eat tonight, and then I would catch myself. I was holding back tears all day. Hearing everyone talking about, people coming up to me to ask what happened. I can't take it. I don't know how I'm gonna live without you. You were such a huge part of my life for so long. Even when I got pregnant and everyone else abandoned me & talked smurf about me, you were always there. You were there when my son was born while his real father was out getting high. You always answered when I would call you at three in the morning going crazy because Rafael wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. You were there for every birthday, every thanksgiving, every Christmas. How do I explain this to my son? How do I tell him that Uncle Luis can't come watch a movie, he can't come play soccer with you. It's so hard to function, to get up and cook and clean and put on a happy face for him. Everything reminds me of you. All of our favorite shows, your favorite foods, your favorite music. Honestly Rafael is the only thing keeping me going right now. RIP baby boy. We love you.