Vent..

I feel like I'm suffocated in the fast happenings of things and pushing my body to the most limit. I'm tired of living in the poverty circle and I have been doing all I can to change but god always play tricks on me and make me "poor" back. I can't even be slightly better than 2meals a day. I just want a slightly better life. In what way I'm different I'm not entitled to??

And why of all people my best friend had to suffer? I really loved her. Each time I do something I think of her and get distracted. I'm upset to see her lying there with life support.. I wanna see her smile. I want to hear her saying mean things to me as we always talk sacarsticly with each other and laugh it off.. It isn't possible anymore.. The woman who always is there for me is gone forever. She also has a wedding next year I will never get to attend..

I keep wanting a child.. I don't understand my baby fever when I'm a sahm to three and stretched physically. No I'm not actively trying.. But I know I just keep wanting to experience pregnancy etc. Yes I feel extremely selfish and is like smu*f now..
Please dont quote and be merciful to me. I'm beyond upset

I'm so sorry about ur friend.

Poor people are ment to stay poor, no matter how hard we work to not be poor. It's just the way life works.
I'm sorry about your friend.
As well, I don't think you are selfish for wanting more children. But if you are financially struggling now it would be a good time to hold off. I hope things improve for you.

You could always look into being a surrogate mom if you just want to feel pregnancy again.