re: Won't leave SO alone with their children

Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" Uh where did I mention anything about daycare? Or homeschooling? Don't put words in my mouth. Yes, if ... [snip!] ... he's either dumb or lazy. There is just no excuse for a man not to do all the same things with his child that a woman does."

 

SO was a SAHD with Novali when she was 3+. He has never handled a newborn before so before I go back to work he will be learning plenty. I had to learn everything when I Novali was a NB...

it's not much harder to learn all of that just because you have a penis.

Quoting Mama Rice:" Can someone explain why they have kids with someone they can not trust to be home alone with their kids? ... [snip!] ... will harm their children, I mean they do not trust that they could take proper care of their kids without their wife/SO around)"

No idea.

If I choose not to go the artificial insemination route, I want a guy who is going to be very active in parenting. The career that I am going for, I will need a man to help me with the kids, especially if I work night shift.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" The "multiple scenarios" are not average. Usually, it's that the father is being lazy, is irresponsible ... [snip!] ... the dad refuses to watch his kid even though he is home all day because "it's too hard" that I think Rex was referring to. "

I can see that, i just hate when peoplesay "every father is a piece of smurf if they dont...." SO works 50 hours a week, he loves taking care of his son and never says he cant do it but you can see ho much it drains him. he has worked very hard to get were he is at at his job. i hate forhim to go into work exhausted and have him screw it up. if LO was older and a little bit easider than i maythink differently.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" The "multiple scenarios" are not average. Usually, it's that the father is being lazy, is irresponsible ... [snip!] ... the dad refuses to watch his kid even though he is home all day because "it's too hard" that I think Rex was referring to. "

Exactly this. I don't have kids but I used to be a nanny and I also have helped take care of my niece a lot since she was born and she's almost 5 now. Unless the child is special needs or something it is really not that difficult to care for them.

Quoting Tarynosaurus Rex:" Exactly this. I don't have kids but I used to be a nanny and I also have helped take care of my niece ... [snip!] ... born and she's almost 5 now. Unless the child is special needs or something it is really not that difficult to care for them."

It is kind of difficult, especially when they are babies... Babysitting is very different than parenting (as you already know) since it's a 24/7 thing.

But I hate the cop-out that just because the dad is a guy he cannot learn how to take care of a baby. When Novali was born, I honestly didn't even know how to change her clothes or ANYTHING... I had to learn.

Well...because I was very young, stupid, and in love enough to just ignore it and do everything.

Now I don't have time for that smurf. I will probably be doing most things for the baby all the time even if the father and I can work things out, because he works 12hr days 12 days in a row...but best believe if he can't be trusted to be alone with the baby on his days off i'm not going to stick around.

I don't know. Maybe its a control thing on behalf of the women? I had a friend who was like that, used to watch all their interactions and kind of criticize the way he did things.

DH and I do things differntly. I went shopping on Friday and they ate Wendy's in front of the TV and he let her just pass out in front of cartoons. Whatever. It is his kid too and I am not arrogant enought to believe that his choices have less value than mine.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" It is kind of difficult, especially when they are babies... Babysitting is very different than parenting ... [snip!] ... take care of a baby. When Novali was born, I honestly didn't even know how to change her clothes or ANYTHING... I had to learn."

When my niece was a baby I was around her constantly and helped my sister a lot since her husband was in the Army stationed out of state. So I know it's a full time job, but that being said the hardest part is honestly maintaining patience. I didn't find actually feeding/clothing her to be that difficult. And even so, you're right, it's the responsibility of a man as a father to LEARN how to care for his child.

It's not that I don't think he'll take care of them...I know he would take great care of them. I just don't want to mess up my routine with my 5 month old. He's high needs and doesn't adapt to new situations easily.

Quoting Fantastic Faith ♥:" Eh. Some men are great fathers but are just forgetful. Or do things differently. If I go out and DH ... [snip!] ... to do things because I'm worried he'll forget. And he's a wonderful dad. He just does things differently and it stresses me out"

Exactly this. My SO is a wonderful father, he's a great guy all around, but I worry he'll do things differently, or feed her pizza and ice cream as a meal constantly, or play black ops 2 while she trashes the house, and it terrifies me. I've left her when he was off to go to class before, and it went fine, but it still worries me. It's just me being overprotective and worrying too much.

Quoting Fantastic Faith ♥:" Eh. Some men are great fathers but are just forgetful. Or do things differently. If I go out and DH ... [snip!] ... to do things because I'm worried he'll forget. And he's a wonderful dad. He just does things differently and it stresses me out"

This!!! My hubby is awesome but I remind him of stuff..then he tells me 'Yes cause I am a child" haha

My SO isn't even my sons biological father and he is an even better parent than I am - I trust him 100% and I wouldn't trust his bio dad with him as far as I could throw him.

I would never purposefully have a child with someone who I didn't trust to care for my children.