re: Psych homework

I was raised in a very abusive, and very chaotic home. My mom went to prison for most of my childhood, but while she was home and still married to my bio father, he was incredibly abusive towards her - and oftentimes us (sister and I) if we got in his way. We were also raised in a very greedy home, we were poor...very poor...but my father was entirely unwilling to help anyone, in any way.

I think it caused me to make very careful decisions as I grew up, I tend to be a "people pleaser" now. I also feel very strong about giving to others, I think it is very important to teach my children to never just be "takers".

I'm not sure if that is what you're looking for though.

Quoting the grace life:" I was raised in a very abusive, and very chaotic home. My mom went to prison for most of my childhood, ... [snip!] ... it is very important to teach my children to never just be "takers". I'm not sure if that is what you're looking for though. "

  I'm sorry love.

That is what I'm looking for, it's interesting to me that you became a "people pleaser" from that, I would have assumed you would be more of a hoarder, it's more common that people in very very poor households grow up and stockpile food and belongings.

Quoting Legendary Amanda:"   I'm sorry love. That is what I'm looking for, it's interesting to me that you became a "people ... [snip!] ... be more of a hoarder, it's more common that people in very very poor households grow up and stockpile food and belongings. "

I never saw the point in crying over what we didn't have, it seemed so silly to me. Now, my sister is more of a "hoarder" than I am. I prefer a more simple life, while her son has three play rooms. She believes more is better, and I believe contentment is key. I don't know if this played any part, but I did used to lock her in our room to try to stop her from seeing any abuse. I don't know if that did anything, but I tried to minimize what she saw greatly.

Quoting the grace life:" I never saw the point in crying over what we didn't have, it seemed so silly to me. Now, my sister is ... [snip!] ... to try to stop her from seeing any abuse. I don't know if that did anything, but I tried to minimize what she saw greatly. "

Wow, I'm so sorry for what you went through but that's interesting that you both turned out polar opposites. You were the older sibling I take it? So you were more of a protector, that makes sense to me that you would carry that through into adulthood.

Quoting Legendary Amanda:" Wow, I'm so sorry for what you went through but that's interesting that you both turned out polar opposites. ... [snip!] ... sibling I take it? So you were more of a protector, that makes sense to me that you would carry that through into adulthood. "

Yes. She is 18 months younger than I am.

Quoting TheNuge:" My parents are very oriented to making "safe decisions" like going into teaching and getting a governement ... [snip!] ... their parents for not encouraging them to achieve in school. Last I check, there are COUNTLESS examples that prove otherwise."

your parents sound like my parents. They encouraged me to achieve anything I wanted, but when they discovered writing was my passion they freaked out. I was pushed into doing courses that had guaranteed jobs, which is how I ended up in nursing, and they were very disappointed I didn't follow my mother into medical imaging.
I now work in IT which they approve of to the extent that its an ever growing industry, but I'm to scared to tell them I'm doing classes next year online for creative writing.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" your parents sound like my parents. They encouraged me to achieve anything I wanted, but when they discovered ... [snip!] ... that its an ever growing industry, but I'm to scared to tell them I'm doing classes next year online for creative writing."</blockquote>




I can see myself having a similar problem with my children, mainly because I want them to be financially stable. But I would encourage that they work on the less likely to succeed jobs on the side (writing, acting, modeling, or whatever)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" your parents sound like my parents. ... [snip!] ... But I would encourage that they work on the less likely to succeed jobs on the side (writing, acting, modeling, or whatever)"</blockquote>




Yeah Ive always worked and written on the side, however my parents think my writing takes up time I should be spending cleaning and being a good hostess

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The ... [snip!] ... written on the side, however my parents think my writing takes up time I should be spending cleaning and being a good hostess"</blockquote>



I disagree with that completely, if it came between following her dreams and being a good housewife I'd put dreams first for sure. Just not before a stable career.

I privately sent my thing because it is so detailed. If I summarized too much it may have been harder to connect the dots, so to speak. Basically my brother became very aggressive and couldn't handle the problems. I didn't do much better as I did try to kill myself as a teen and withdrew from life and became afraid of people. It was very hard growing up. I was still an honor student from the beginning, but my brother was skating along. We both had teen pregnancies and both ended up with two children young. He is still troubled, but I've been able to face it and change completely. Life is now a blessing to me and I feel like one hell of a person. I know my brother is still struggling to keep a foot in the ground because of his emotions being so chaotic.

Edit: to add to the conversation.. All 6 of us kids were never really pushed or helped in the education department. We were all left to our own devices. My 2 half bros are successful in graphic design and technology, one being a professor now. Our sister has owned businesses in LA and manages a nice bar. My older full bro is still struggling and has ways to go, but he is very talented musically. I'm working on classes and getting back on my own after a separation, my teenaged brother wasn't effected by our dad and is where a teen should ideally be. Girls and video games ;)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Gir!:</b>" I privately sent my thing because it is so detailed. If I summarized too much it may have been harder ... [snip!] ... hell of a person. I know my brother is still struggling to keep a foot in the ground because of his emotions being so chaotic."</blockquote>



I'm reading through it now, thank you very much for sharing all that with me!!!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Legendary Amanda:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Gir!:</b>" I privately sent my thing because it is so detailed. ... [snip!] ... being so chaotic."</blockquote> I'm reading through it now, thank you very much for sharing all that with me!!!"</blockquote>



No problem at all!

My mom is a mentally ill alcoholic and my dad worked all the time to try to pay the bills. We were still very poor. My mom was abusive. My sister is 16 months older than me, my parents divorced when I was 13. My sister and I took opposite paths in life. Because of my childhood I tend to be a control freak and feel safe when I'm in control (because I trust others very little). I also was an over achiever and perfectionist and wanted answers to why my mom was the way she was and wanted to know if I would end up the same way. So I went to college and got my BA in psychology and became and mental health and addiction counselor and found many of the anwsers I was looking for. My sister acted out as a teen and has always used our childhood as an excuse for why she's not able to live a "normal" life. She's now addicted to pain killers and hasen't worked in years and she's 31 years old. She would rather blame our parents for the way she is than accept responsibility and take control of her own life. I think she's afraid to trust herself because my mom always told her she was dumb and just like her.

I was physically abused by my father. I think it's crappy to turn around & abuse your kids just because you were. I've spanked before but not often & not more than 3 times in a row. Idk if that's a good example or not, lol.

Quoting £egendary £ex:" I was physically abused by my father. I think it's crappy to turn around & abuse your kids just because ... [snip!] ... you were. I've spanked before but not often & not more than 3 times in a row. Idk if that's a good example or not, lol."

Agreed. I find a hard time feeling sympathetic/sorry for people who use their childhood abuse as an excuse. I don't know if you're wanting details of abuse, but I can always PM you.