Please help. I don't know what to think/believe

Call me old-fashioned, but I only participate in monogamous relationships. I'm having a really hard time trusting my boyfriend.   I just divorced a total douchebag about a year ago, who cheated on me, abused me, and lied to me repeatedly. I try not to ladies, but I found myself snooping through his phone and emails. I found a few things that make me question him, though he insists it is nothing.   Please ladies, I don't know what to think. I just don't know.   In one email, he sent a girl a shirtless photo of himself. He's got a swingers site bookmarked, and some chick sent him a picture of her ta-tas. He invited a woman over to his house, saying "my bed is small". He says she's a friend and that he was just kidding. I have a lot of guy friends, but even I don't cross that line with them.   He has a lot of female friends, I am the opposite. My Mom says I should break up with him. I really do love him. He says that he wants a future with me, a family. When I ask him why he acted that way he says "why would I be doing things like that if I wanted a future with you? Or thinking about marrying you?" He looks so sincere I can't tell!   Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Well, he IS doing those things if you've found them on his phone. I wouldn't stand for that. I'd either kick his ass to the curb or give him an ultimatum. ( if you think you can trust him and all.) the things you found are not innocent, don't let him fool you and manipulate you sweetie.

Quoting ♥A.J's Mommy♥:" Call me old-fashioned, but I only participate in monogamous relationships. I'm having a really hard time ... [snip!] ... a future with you? Or thinking about marrying you?" He looks so sincere I can't tell!   Any advice is greatly appreciated. "

I wouldn't put up with that bullsmurf.

at the very least he's entertaining those ideas/they interest him and as far as the women go, he's flirting with temptation and even if nothing is happening now it will only be a matter of time unless he changes his behaviour to match what he says he wants. I wouldn't trust him, I don't think he's being competely honest with you and denying something by posing a question like that is a way of skirting around having to tell the truth.

I agree with the previous post. I'd tell him things are going to change & stop or he can move on with one of those girls. Dont set yourself up to be hurt later. You deserve someone who wont have to hide things or do things like that. Talk to him let him know it's not acceptable & if it continues let him go on his happy way..

You have seen proof. He is sending pics of himself and recieving pics of other women. That would be enough for me, he obviously is not honest and cant be trusted!

Any guy with girls he's talking to sending him pictures of their boobs would be out the door if it were me. That is NOT ok. Sending a shirtless photo to a female friend of his is not ok either. If you really want to know, I would say judge on how he reacted when you first questioned him about it. In my experience, when people are guilty of something and you accuse them of it, if they're guilty they're VERY defensive. If they're not, they act normal and then drop it because they have nothing to hide. But I would say the girl sending him a picture of her boobs is so highly inappropriate and means a) he's cheating or b) she's after him. Did he reply to it?

I'd say the bed comment is proof enough sorry not to be harsh but common does he tell male friends he has a small bed?

There's nothing wrong with him have opposite sex friends, but... if he wanted to be with you (in a monogamous relationship), he wouldn't be on a swingers site, or sending pictures of himself to other women.
Talk to him, and tell him that if you two are going to be together, then he needs to take your feelings about these things into account. All parties in a relationship need to feel respected and valued, and you need to make it clear that if you don't feel respected and valued, you will leave. Then stick by it. Giving multiple chances just says that the behavior is acceptable.

<blockquote><b>Quoting A, E & W's mommy:</b>" at the very least he's entertaining those ideas/they interest him and as far as the women go, he's flirting ... [snip!] ... honest with you and denying something by posing a question like that is a way of skirting around having to tell the truth."</blockquote>




Couldn't have said it better myself. If he were really into you, why would he be looking elsewhere? Cut him loose now before you invest any more feelings for him. He sounds like a douche.

He is a cheating smurfstick.

The end. Dump him.

I'd get rid of him, he's using the "why would I be doing this if I want a future with you." excuse to get you to believe the lies he's feeding you.

Quoting Sour Daisy:" Well, he IS doing those things if you've found them on his phone. I wouldn't stand for that. I'd either ... [snip!] ... you think you can trust him and all.) the things you found are not innocent, don't let him fool you and manipulate you sweetie."

   

Quoting Sour Daisy:" Well, he IS doing those things if you've found them on his phone. I wouldn't stand for that. I'd either ... [snip!] ... you think you can trust him and all.) the things you found are not innocent, don't let him fool you and manipulate you sweetie."

this :/ i'm going through a breakup that involved cheating/.abusing so i understand. it's hard.