re: How much power over your life ...

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" We are mostly 100% financially independant and any money we do borrow is paid back in full within a ... [snip!] ... in full within a week. As for calling the authorities on my father, he's had stroke and had mental and physical disabilities."</blockquote>

The law still applies to those with mental and physical disability. Just because a person has a type of disability doesn't mean they are legally allowed to harass and threaten you.

I agree with what people said. You can't let your mother continue to control your life. That is not health for you or your family. You have to do something about it. Apply for an apartment or a house rental. Even if it does take some time, atleast you are trying to better your life. Tell your mom you guys don't have a healthy relationship and it needs to change. Let them threaten eviction. If you have a legit rental contract then there is nothing she can do.

<blockquote><b>Quoting xTJ:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" We are mostly 100% financially ... [snip!] ... disability. Just because a person has a type of disability doesn't mean they are legally allowed to harass and threaten you."</blockquote>




Exactly!!! He is mentally & physically capable of coming to your home. Harrassing you. threatening you. then he is capable of dealing with cinsequences.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" ... should parents actually have? As an adult how much of your life, home, work, and parenting decisions should your own parents be allowed to dictate?"

IMO, none. If you no longer live with them and they do not support you financially, they shouldn't have any power.

No control, but I do take my mother's opinions to heart. I let her say what she wants and think about what she is saying.

Take for example, she loves that I'm going for my PhD. She, however, does not want me to concentrate on the Indian Subcontinent because it means moving there for a year. I listened to what she had to say (halfway around the world, dangerous, no electricity in the villages, etc), but I still did what I want.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" My mother has almost complete control of my life despite me being 29, owning my own home, and having ... [snip!] ... times a day. She judges me constantly on my cleaning and gardening, and is constantly upset that I don't follow her standards."

Yeah but you allow that.

Your parents are controlling, manipulative and abusive. If I were you I'd get a lawyer to get you out of your contract and I'd move far away from them. It's so far from normal how your mother treats you. I was out of the house and into my own apt. at 18, my mother gave me space to grow and make my own mistakes. My mother wouldn't think of critizing me for anything...she's loves me too much to hurt me that way. You deserve better treatment from your mother.

My parents may influence my decisions when I go to them for advise. Otherwise they have no say so in anything.

Quoting Angelina'sMama:" Your parents are controlling, manipulative and abusive. If I were you I'd get a lawyer to get you out ... [snip!] ... of critizing me for anything...she's loves me too much to hurt me that way. You deserve better treatment from your mother."

I'm not destroying mine and SO's careers, selling pretty much everything we own, and moving 1313 miles to live in a one bedroom council flat with no job .... just because I want a bit of independence.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" I'm not destroying mine and SO's careers, selling pretty much everything we own, and moving 1313 miles ... [snip!] ... we own, and moving 1313 miles to live in a one bedroom council flat with no job .... just because I want a bit of independence."

I don't understand why it's all or nothing. You don't have to do that to gain independence and I think you know this. Your options are many but you're refusing to see that. Yeah, you're parents are controlling, are you stuck in this situation? No.

You feel like you are stuck because you refuse to look at any other option because it's not the option you want.

Quoting Idlehands:" I don't understand why it's all or nothing. You don't have to do that to gain independence and I think ... [snip!] ... No. You feel like you are stuck because you refuse to look at any other option because it's not the option you want. "

I only answered with this because the girl I quoted (and many others) have said to sell up and move far away ... this wasn't just a random comment.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" I only answered with this because the girl I quoted (and many others) have said to sell up and move far away ... this wasn't just a random comment."

I wrote you a longer response earlier today but my computer hiccuped and i lost it all.
Anyway, I think that you FIRST must acknowledge your responsibility in this relationship that is terribly out of balance. There is nothing wrong with parents having a strong role in your life at 29, but the degree to which they control and manipualte you is unhealthy for both of you.
Second, you must develop a plan for how you can wean your parens from you as well as you from your parents. i dont know if you can do it without outside help as it seems very "thick."
There are very good books in the self-help section of bookstores that should be able to help you. Years ago, when i had a friend in a bad situation, the books she sought dealt with "co-dependency" and "toxic families." That may be where you need to start unless you can get EVERYONE in therapy that is constructive.
It's important for you to figure out a healthier lifestyle for the sake of your relationship as well as for your kids. Children shouldnt view their parents as being controlled by anyone.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" ... should parents actually have? As an adult how much of your life, home, work, and parenting decisions should your own parents be allowed to dictate?"

They can't dictate any of it. They can give their advice and wisdom, and I welcome it... but they can't actually dictate my adult life.

Quoting The (super kinky) Master:" The one time in the past four years that I have asked her to leave she sent my disabled father round ... [snip!] ... everything they had done for me, that my mental illness was made up, and that I was going to cause my dad to have a heartattack"

they can't evict you if you have a contract... and you will not give him a heart attack. ((hugs))