re: How much power over your life ...

How long can you live like this though? Til your 40 or 50??

It's wrong.. It's not a way to live.

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" How long can you live like this though? Til your 40 or 50?? It's wrong.. It's not a way to live."

my parents are talking about selling and moving into an over 55s village so mum won't be able to just wonder over several times a day

Contract or not, I would move. Even if it meant moving 6 hours and living with/near your SOs family.

Quoting Mayhem ♥:" Contract or not, I would move. Even if it meant moving 6 hours and living with/near your SOs family."

we wouldn't be able to live with them as they're in military housing, we work for a company that works out of Perth and there's no jobs in Canberra which has the highest housing costs in the country, That's not an option.

So your just gonna wait til they maybe move. But your mum will still dictate and give you smurf until she dies?

I don't understand. Why do you let her pick out your furniture and clothes.

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" So your just gonna wait til they maybe move. But your mum will still dictate and give you smurf until she dies? I don't understand. Why do you let her pick out your furniture and clothes."

I'm trying to find some middle ground ... I would rather gain a certain amount of freedom without ruining mine of SO's careers, make us homeless, and take DS away from his friends and family

Just because you are renting to buy a house they own doesnt give her the right to tell you what furniture to buy or what clothes to wear   I live in a house my parents own and its a mess all the time lately because my morning sickness is so bad i cant clean and i dont give a smurf what they think because although they own it its my house while i live here. Seriously grow some balls and tell her to smurf off

I'm pretty sure a written agreement would not allow them complete access to your home when ever they please. It is not acceptable for them to have that much, if any control in your life beyond what you extend to them.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs Somerhalder:</b>" Just because you are renting to buy a house they own doesnt give her the right to tell you what furniture ... [snip!] ... what they think because although they own it its my house while i live here. Seriously grow some balls and tell her to smurf off"</blockquote>




 

If you had a landlord who was acting this way, you would have RIGHTS. Is this not true in Australia? Our landlord has to give us 24 hr notice before coming in. It doesn't matter that it is your mom. stand up fkr yourself! This is abuse, & your children deserve to be shown that it is unacceptable behaviour & how to stand up to "bullies".

www.lightshouse.org is an excellent site about dealing with toxic parents.

Quoting Kara-lynn:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs Somerhalder:</b>" Just because you are renting to buy a ... [snip!] ... behaviour & how to stand up to "bullies". www.lightshouse.org is an excellent site about dealing with toxic parents."

We do! Private landlords or not, you have rights. It's up to you to enforce them!!

They have Zero control in my life. We did experience an Aunt of my DH who tried to control our life though when we were younger and got pregnant, 18 and 19 at the time we were and DH lived with his Aunt. Prior to me being pregnant she would control a lot of things he done, what he wore,he had to be in at ridiculous times, driver her everywhere.... and he was working and paying for her rent too so I don't know why she thought she had a hold over him. When I got pregnant well that was it she thought she could all of a sudden tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, she told me I wasn't going to name my Son she was, she was crazy. Needless to say he moved out, we moved into our own place and she had to start paying her own rent and organising her own life. Honestly put your foot down, you are 29 years old, she should absolutely not be telling you how to dress and picking your furniture!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Idlehands:</b>" We do! Private landlords or not, you have rights. It's up to you to enforce them!! "</blockquote>




I was hoping so!

I'm sorry if this seems harsh OP, but YOU are making excuses for things to stay the same. maybe because you've dealt with this abuse for so long, and have been conditioned to give in? your fears of what will happen are not based in reality. they may be real to you, but there are rules and stipulations in place to protct a tenent from inappropriate landlord behavior. those rules apply to your parents also. ..

It may be time to set up some boundaries. how often do YOU feel comfortable speaking to your mom? Once a day? A week? A month? TELL HER! "Thank you for your concern. I am safe, and have decided I will accept one call a ___. Any excess of that will not be responded to."
How often do you want your mother to visit? Tell her that also! Is she paying for your clothing and furniture? If so, YOU have CHOSEN to give her that control and you can CHOOSE to take it back, by finding a way to provide those things for yourself.
your father comes over and threatens you? CALL THE AUTHORITIES.
Change occurs when YOU make changes for yourself. I recommend you consider YOUR part in this and work on changing YOU! You have RIGHTS. Utilize them.

Quoting Kara-lynn:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Idlehands:</b>" We do! Private landlords or not, you have rights. ... [snip!] ... make changes for yourself. I recommend you consider YOUR part in this and work on changing YOU! You have RIGHTS. Utilize them."

We are mostly 100% financially independant and any money we do borrow is paid back in full within a week.

As for calling the authorities on my father, he's had stroke and had mental and physical disabilities.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The (super kinky) Master:</b>" We are mostly 100% financially independant and any money we do borrow is paid back in full within a ... [snip!] ... in full within a week. As for calling the authorities on my father, he's had stroke and had mental and physical disabilities."</blockquote>




What does that have to do with calling the authorities? If a man is threstening and attacking me, I would take steps to protect myself from future attack, that persons person's personal isues would not change my actions.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kara-lynn:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Idlehands:</b>" We do! Private landlords or not, you have rights. ... [snip!] ... make changes for yourself. I recommend you consider YOUR part in this and work on changing YOU! You have RIGHTS. Utilize them."</blockquote>




^ Have to agree with this.