re: call off engagement?

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" we broke up from June 11- July 30, we had alot of problems from June 30, 2011- January 2012 then again ... [snip!] ... should, because i'd rather be with him then my SO/Fiance. Im just so confused... unhappy... unsure... discusted... a wreck. ugh"</blockquote>



IMO, you cannot try to fix a relationship if there's someone lingering in the background. You say you still like him so ofcourse you won't fully give your SO a real fair chance. You should just leve SO instead of stinging him along because you can't afford to move out. That's not right.

Quoting forgive-n let*love:" I hard core wedding planned from August until mid-September, buying things.. tried/found my dress.. we ... [snip!] ... (once miscarriage was confirmed) then stopped thinking/talking about it all together. Stopped wearing my ring & all."

sounds like you're keeping a back up guy just in case. that's not terrible but it means you can't really give your SO a fair shake. I'm sorry about your m/c   but it does sound like a lot of off and on again. Do you love SO? Can you see yourself married to him, able to work really terrible problems out together? The first few years are the absolutely WORST for a marriage, it's so hard and trying. Are you prepared for that with him? I hate to say it, but in all honesty if you keep thinking and kinda stringing along the notion of the "grass is greener" you really won't be able to work on your SO 'ship 100%. You should really sit and think about what you want out of your life, your kids, what you can handle, can't handle, etc. Set up a list, pro and cons, expectations, evaluate your SO 'ship now and in the past and see if you can work it out or if it's time to quit it. I'm sorry it's gonna be a hard decision no matter what but if you're having doubts.... don't marry the guy just yet.

Quoting pilot Jess:" <blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" we broke up from June 11- July 30, ... [snip!] ... job and no where to go by my moms basement with a baby, and I started an awesome new life. You can do it too, if you need to."

I have a 4y/o, 2y/o and literally no where to go. He pays ALL my bills, i make about $120/week serving (4-5 days a week)- but its crap. Im terrified. Im also not sure if its just all worked up from the 'loss? I just dont know anymore

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" I have a 4y/o, 2y/o and literally no where to go. He pays ALL my bills, i make about $120/week serving ... [snip!] ... days a week)- but its crap. Im terrified. Im also not sure if its just all worked up from the 'loss? I just dont know anymore"</blockquote>




I'm sorry about your loss.

While that would be stressful, you have a long history of on and off... not a good sign.

When i had to "get out" I had no job, and no family or friends for 1700 miles. Where there is a will there is a way. It probably won't be easy, but starting over for me wasn't a matter of convenience, it was a matter of necessity. I couldn't stay just because my alternatives seemed hopeless. I acted. It worked.

Good luck and stay strong.

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" I have a 4y/o, 2y/o and literally no where to go. He pays ALL my bills, i make about $120/week serving ... [snip!] ... days a week)- but its crap. Im terrified. Im also not sure if its just all worked up from the 'loss? I just dont know anymore"</blockquote>




I'm sorry you're in a bad situation that's super hard to get out of. But it's also not right to use people because you feel you won't make it on your own.

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" I have a 4y/o, 2y/o and literally no where to go. He pays ALL my bills, i make about $120/week serving ... [snip!] ... days a week)- but its crap. Im terrified. Im also not sure if its just all worked up from the 'loss? I just dont know anymore"</blockquote>

Then u either need to focus on your relationship with him 100% or figure out how to leave. U can't just stay with him cause it's easier. You either need to make it work or be done. And having a distraction on the side is not going to help. It's only hindering you working it out.

I know it's not right to stay becuz it's easy, or use him. I generally feel like I'm in an "in between place" idk what to do. I don't expect leaving to be easy. I just literally have no idea what to do. We just had a huge blow out- first time I'm ever seen him this mad and get sorta violent. Ugh

<blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" I know it's not right to stay becuz it's easy, or use him. I generally feel like I'm in an "in between ... [snip!] ... have no idea what to do. We just had a huge blow out- first time I'm ever seen him this mad and get sorta violent. Ugh"</blockquote>




Move out. Go live with a relative or a friend. You'll get back on your feet. Just make sure that's what you want before making any choices because you'll have to live with them for the rest of your life. I know how you feel because I was in a similar situation. Only mine was worse I think. My Bf who I had a nb by at the time cheated on me and got another girl pregnant. I wasn't going to sand for that so I left. I ofcourse didn't have anywhere to go other than my parents house, bug I got through it. I worked my ass off for my son and I and I got my own place and got my s*** together. You're capable of anything you set your mind to.

WoW I'm in like total shock over this. Here's what I've heard before...if you are torn between two people, then choose the second person. If the first was giving you everything that you needed then you never would have started feeling the way you do about the second. With you seeing a therapist and everything, and you still feel the same then I wonder if you two simply are just 2 different people. All you can do is sit and figure out what you really want and go for it. But one thing I do know is if you're 'unsure' of what you want-you've pretty well already made up your mind. If you wanted to be with your fiance, you would just know-there wouldn't be doubt.

Best wishes to ya...and I'm here if you need to chat..

Quoting *Super*Mom*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting forgive-n let*love:</b>" I know it's not right to stay becuz ... [snip!] ... my ass off for my son and I and I got my own place and got my s*** together. You're capable of anything you set your mind to."

No relatives have room for me and two kids. No friends do either, only two of my friends actually have their own place (who im really close with) and theyre 1bedrm apts. My brother is @ my moms, or else there would be room there. I think the 2nd guy is just filling some kind of void i have, because theres no 'serious relationship' going to come of it. I need a better job first. I work 5 days a week (5-6hr shifts, serving) and *just figured this out on my pay today* Average- $90/week. Thats smurfin' terrible. It literally pays for gas in my car and some food shopping because my bf makes $65k/year and pays EVERYTHING.