re: Advice on Child Support/Custody

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Not what I was told by a lawyer. She said that I could terminate with or without someone willing to be ... [snip!] ... though, so a lot of people are mistaken when people in other states say something different. It may be that way in your state."

Arkansas code states that Parental rights may only be terminated by Adoption, or by DHS neglect/abuse investigation. That's why I'm telling her what I am.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" I know it sucks that there's another child involved. But, really, your child needs insurance. It's not ... [snip!] ... month, it would show the Court his intent to support, just that he doesn't have the means. They might not even put him in jail."

It's my fault thought. At least I blame myself for everything.

I'll mention that to him...five dollars a month would pay for a gallon of milk at least! Haha. That smurf is expensive and she drinks it all day.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" It's my fault thought. At least I blame myself for everything. I'll mention that to him...five dollars ... [snip!] ... to him...five dollars a month would pay for a gallon of milk at least! Haha. That smurf is expensive and she drinks it all day. "

It's not your fault. You're supporting her. If we always had everything we needed, nobody would ever have to work. Don't beat yourself up over this, it's really not your fault.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" It's not your fault. You're supporting her. If we always had everything we needed, nobody would ever have to work. Don't beat yourself up over this, it's really not your fault."

But I don't really support her either. I don't pay for her things, but I'm her primary (and only) caregiver. I can't work like I said in another post, and with Christmas around the corner I've been even more upset about that. I don't provide anything for my child and it makes me sick that I got her into this situation to begin with. I just feel so guilty all the time.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Arkansas code states that Parental rights may only be terminated by Adoption, or by DHS neglect/abuse investigation. That's why I'm telling her what I am."

I was told the exact same thing and it turned out to be false, only reason why I'm saying it.
The only way to know 100% for sure is to speak to a lawyer who practices family law in that particular state. Lawyers also know how to tweak the law honestly in their/their clients favor too. A lawyer who is 'creative' could probably terminate on neglect since he hasn't paid c/s.
However, terminating his rights could put her in a bind with state insurance if they chose to be jerks about it. I'd probably lose LO's medicaid if I terminated BD's rights considering it's court order for him to carry insurance on LO but he doesn't. It's something else that would be a good question for a lawyer.

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" I was told the exact same thing and it turned out to be false, only reason why I'm saying it. The only ... [snip!] ... court order for him to carry insurance on LO but he doesn't. It's something else that would be a good question for a lawyer."

That's why I was wondering if he could do it. If I did it, I'd lose her insurance, because it'd basically be like me saying "I don't want help."

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" But I don't really support her either. I don't pay for her things, but I'm her primary (and only) caregiver. ... [snip!] ... for my child and it makes me sick that I got her into this situation to begin with. I just feel so guilty all the time."

It's not your fault, it's hard to grasp, but it's not your fault.
You're doing your part. Raising a child is emotionally, physically, and financially demanding. You are meeting her needs emotionally and physically, while he is meeting none.
Have you considered signing up for the Salvation Army Angel Tree? It may be too late, I'm not sure, but you could try. If it comes down to it, tell me her sizes and I will send something and tell her Santa sent it from the North Pole. Every kid deserves a good Christmas.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" But I don't really support her either. I don't pay for her things, but I'm her primary (and only) caregiver. ... [snip!] ... for my child and it makes me sick that I got her into this situation to begin with. I just feel so guilty all the time."

Did you choose to become disabled? I don't think so. I mean I get what you're feeling, I think I'd feel guilty too if I was in that situation. But I'm not, so I can look in from the outside and tell you, none of it is your fault. You're giving her more than anyone else is. I'm not talking about just money either.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" That's why I was wondering if he could do it. If I did it, I'd lose her insurance, because it'd basically be like me saying "I don't want help.""

Here, the Medicaid office will tell you that you have to be in compliance with child support in order for your child to receive Medicaid.
However, if you read the fine print like a friend's daughter did, she saw that they cannot deny a child in need state insurance and refused to comply because he threatened to kill her if she pursued him. She managed to get Medicaid for her daughter and son, but they're usually REALLY pushy about it.

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" It's not your fault, it's hard to grasp, but it's not your fault. You're doing your part. Raising a ... [snip!] ... me her sizes and I will send something and tell her Santa sent it from the North Pole. Every kid deserves a good Christmas."

I've had plenty of people offer to give her presents, and I appreciate every single one of them, and I appreciate you, too. Thank you for trying to help out a total stranger, but my baby isn't going without. It just hurts that I'm not making money myself to buy her things straight from me. My mom is going to give me money to buy her presents like I'm still a kid.

Don't get me wrong, like I said, I'm still thankful and appreciative...but it's still a big blow to my pride and makes me feel like smurf. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be my babies sole support.

Thank you so much for offering, I know I keep saying that, but it really did make me smile.

Quoting Crystal Marie S.:" Did you choose to become disabled? I don't think so. I mean I get what you're feeling, I think I'd feel ... [snip!] ... and tell you, none of it is your fault. You're giving her more than anyone else is. I'm not talking about just money either."

Thank you. =[ I needed to see that. And no, I didn't choose this life, but I did choose to go around a guy knowing I wasn't in a committed relationship with him and knowing I wasn't on birth control. It just goes back to all of that. DD is only a year old, so the guilt hasn't really started to numb yet.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I've had plenty of people offer to give her presents, and I appreciate every single one of them, and ... [snip!] ... ever be my babies sole support. Thank you so much for offering, I know I keep saying that, but it really did make me smile."

Lol, last year I was unemployed as well as DH, and we still hadn't gotten an order for child support (I filed May 2011, didn't get a judgement til June of this year). My mom and dad provided LO with Christmas, I literally had no money to do so myself. It really does suck looking at the excitement and joy on their face knowing you didn't give it to them, so I know what you mean.
But things WILL get better! We've bought LO tons for Christmas this year, and we're still financially able to get an angel off the Salvation Army tree and give that kid a Christmas too.
Have you considered college? I have separated SI joints and spinal nerve damage so I'm unable to do manual labor, so I decided to go back to college and get a degree for a job I can work, and the financial aid refund checks are a HUGE help. I get roughly $1,500 back every semester, it's not much for five months but it's still a huge help.

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" Lol, last year I was unemployed as well as DH, and we still hadn't gotten an order for child support ... [snip!] ... checks are a HUGE help. I get roughly $1,500 back every semester, it's not much for five months but it's still a huge help."

I'm filing for SSI because of my fibromyalgia. It was manageable for years, but it exacerbated so badly when I had DD...and it's steadily getting worse. I'm working on treating it, and while I do that I'm filing because I literally have days where I can't get out of bed. I keep bottles/sippies with water and dry snacks in my beside table in case I can't walk and DD gets hungry. I'm hoping not to be on disability forever, and I would LOVE to go back to school. I have seriously considered online school, but I don't want to put in the time and money to find out that I won't be able to work after my degree.

That's great that you're able to get some help from it though! It's scary/frustrating not being able to do manual labor, and looking fine and not being able to explain to people why you can't work. I understand that feeling =[

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I'm filing for SSI because of my fibromyalgia. It was manageable for years, but it exacerbated so badly ... [snip!] ... to do manual labor, and looking fine and not being able to explain to people why you can't work. I understand that feeling =["

You could always do the route of finding a local community college and taking online classes from there. That way you know it'll be legitimate and you can do it from your home.
Next semester I'm taking four classes on campus, one online and thinking about switching to more online classes after that and taking less on campus. It's just easier to do.

Quoting Vodka Knockers:" You could always do the route of finding a local community college and taking online classes from there. ... [snip!] ... one online and thinking about switching to more online classes after that and taking less on campus. It's just easier to do."

Our community college doesn't have a complete online school yet. They're working on it though. There's no guarantee that the online classes would make, because we live in a small area and they have to have a certain number of people sign up before they qualify as classes. My mom teaches there, it's a big problem right now. They're trying to cut down on physical classes and do more online schooling, so it'll be worth looking into maybe next Fall.